Buenos Días from El Jefe
¡Buenos días!
I am happy to join Juanita Jean and her other Pals to Participate in Professional Political Punditry to Perpetrate Perpetual Prickly Publishing. Having just joined, I thought I would use a few lines to introduce myself to you. After a long career of pulling wrenches, brewing beer, baking bread, and cleaning windows, I started my punditry avocation about 10 years ago by ranting and raving on the internets about the sorry state of politics in the good ol’ US of A, and especially in Texas. I started my ranting after the 2004 elections, raved through the 2008 cycle, which was bruising, and then continued, though not as publicly, to talk about holding politicians accountable to their obligations to the people as elected officials. I have been dismayed at the failure of party politics, that apparently only exist (with a few notable exceptions) to benefit those in office.
Today, I live just up the road from the World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon and visit often, ranting and raving at Juanita Jean (especially since last Tuesday). After patiently listening to my hair-on-fire raging, recently Juanita finally said, “Don’t just tell it to me, tell it to everybody else.” I thought, OK; so here we are. In the coming days/weeks/whenever Juanita kicks me out, I’ll be sharing my thoughts as an independent thinker/screamer. I’ll be talking about social justice, the fossilization of political parties, gerrymandering, the media, healthcare policy, education, energy policy, head in the sand environmental and climate change policy, the cancer of money in politics, and any other damn thing that pops into my head. Thank you, Juanita Jean, for letting me talk to (yell at) your loyal customers.
To get us going, I’ve posted below a little about me personally. See you shortly when I pull out the flamethrower.
EL JEFE El Jefe met Juanita Jean some years ago when he opened El Jefe’s Beer, Bread, and Pickle Emporium just up the road from the World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon. He savors anything made with his home grown yeast, but especially those things that go well with his South Texas Pucker Up & Slap Yo’ Knee Bread n’ Butter pickles, made especial for the Holidays and coming soon to an HEB near you.
A native Texan, El Jefe is proud to be the great-great grandson of Napoleon Bonaparte Fisher who joined the Texas Rangers in 1860. He was born in North Texas to a jen-u-wine Bible-thumping praise and glory preacher and to the daughter of a jen-u-wine Bible-thumping praise and glory preacher, receiving more Bible & ear lobe thumping before he was 6 than most are privileged to get in a lifetime. Because of his pure and crystal-clear upraising, he now practices his own spiritual tradition of worshiping every Sunday at Our Lady of the Perpetual Bloody Mary & New York Times. He was elected Deacon of the parish many years ago.
El Jefe rants regularly on social media, and is an equal opportunity insulter of all proclivities. He’s sure he’ll insult you, too, and likes to proclaim that he’s old enough to not care about what you think of him or his hand crafted pointy toed roach killer boots made way-the-hell-out-there in Fredericksburg just for him.
So there.
Mes thinks I might know El Jefe from another life.
1Welcome, El Jefe! I look forward to being insulted by you. Be prepared. I have a thick skin from sharing a state with the Bundy moochers, Sue Lowden, Sharron Angle and Michelle Fiore. Plus, I’m feeling right feisty after we kicked Joe Heck in his tiny little Gohmerts for his attempt to take Harry’s Senate seat.
2Mama!!! Please put down that soap. I’d never try to slip anything past you, I promise. The man’s given name really is Joe Heck. While NV is glad to be rid of him and thrilled that Catherine Cortez Masto is our Senator replacing the retiring Harry Reid, we have another Senator. Google before you soap me, because all jokes aside his name is Dean Heller.
We hope to rid ourselves of that cuss word in 2018, while Texas rids itself of the curse Loathsome Teddie.
3Jefe,
Do you do windows?
4Welcome, El Jefe, from way-the-hell-out-there Fredericksburg!
Conversation overheard yesterday at the local Wellness Center about the election: “Well, now we can all breath!”
Mmm, tell that to the Floridians in a few years when their state is underwater because of climate change. Good time to start investing in snorkles.
5He savors anything made with his home grown yeast,
I had a yeast infection once, where exactly do you grow this yeast. if I may be so disgusting?
6PKM … I do believe poor Momma has seen far worse in here then “heck” and “heller” … some folks forget that Momma is watching!! Even I am guilty of slipping a few words in … I am no innocent!! LOL
Welcome, El Jefe!!
7Marcia in CO, easy for you to say. While it’s a huge embarrassment to NV that we already had one as a Senator and came too close to having the other elected. Dumb and dumber, side by side with H&H, a near miss too scary to contemplate.
Careful El Jefe. If Donnie invites you to Mar-a-gargoyle for his next wedding and entices you with an open bar, don’t go expecting free drinks. As is his practice, Donnie will have a cash only bar, aka pay to play. Expect the Inaugural Ball to feature a turnstile that accepts checks.
8Hola, El Jefe, are you by any chance related to, or acquainted with Primo Encarnacion? If not you two should meet. He’s one of the best around here, as well as DaChipster, Umpty Dump and so many smart progressives. We can always use a fresh perspective which is also respectful of all the clients, not to mention those bread & butter pickles of yours. Bienvenido.
PKM, your Senators are actually named Heck and Heller! Ha!
9Too close to Penn and Teller. Glad you got rid of Heck, but what the Heller?
maryelle, nooooooooooooooooooooo! Heller is our Senator. Heck was our member of the US House, until he decided to run for retiring Harry Reid’s Senate seat. Heck lost. We really dodged a bullet. Heck was defeated for the Senate seat by Catherine Cortez Masto (D-NV). She and newly elected Senators Hassan (D-NH) and Harris (D-CA) will add to the firepower of Senator Warren and the other Senate ladies. I double dog dare Donnie to disrespect those ladies.
Amidst all the election destruction, formerly purple NV became the bright spot, a little more blue now. We held our Senate ratio of 50/50, improved on our House representation of 3/1 snacilbupeR to 3/1 Democratic, and our state legislature flipped blue. While geographically between CA and UT, we’re happily snuggling a little closer to CA these days.
10Welcome El Jefe , I have lurked here since my yacht club sank in the Brazos River , taking all my friends with it. These people have been great replacements. Just remember no smoking when they are coloring or perming hair.
11Welcome, El Jefe. You brought tacos and Cuervo… right? Well, shoot………
12JPH-coloring? Some of us are advanced water colorers. And I still would like to know where “that” yeast comes from?
13e platypus onion, maybe @KellyannePolls can set your mind at ease, or at least place you in contact with Mike Pence. Since defunding Planned Parenthood and chasing clinics out of his state, he leads the nation in STDs.
Or, in honor of El Jefe, try a shot of Gran Patron Burdeos for what ails you.
14El Jefe is the name schoolchildren have given to our resident Jaguar here in Southern Arizona. A Canadian mining company is dead set on destroying his habitat (as well as some other rare cats, like the ocelot) and ruining the set of most of your favorite westerns (Oklahoma!, Hombre, Tombstone, and literally hundreds more). The so-called Rosemont Mine is threatening our very lives. “Save The Scenic Santa Ritas” is a go-to organization for more. El Jefe, sir, I expect you to be a fierce advocate for your namesake and those of us who know and love him. Thank you.
15@Jefe
16Bienvenido a bordo
Welcome!
17Welcome El Jefe, from the great state of Alaska.
18We look forward to your lively debate, prognostications,
and mind altering fermented extracts.
Rev Dave, didn’t Arizona attempt to set aside land for Jaguar sanctuary? Seems like I read about that a few years ago.
I am afraid with this buffoon in power, no animal or tree or body of fresh water will ever be safe.
19I’ve never been a fan of Bloody Marys’, though I do appreciate vodka. It is such a companionable spirit. And in a “spirit” of welcome I’ll share my recipe for horseradish vodka with you to enhance your beverage: 1 c freshly grated horseradish and 1 ltr vodka. Sit a week more or less, strain, filter or not, stash in freezer, enjoy with your Bloodies. I prefer it as shots with a cornichon garnish balancing on top of the glass. I’m not Scandinavian, but as is often heard here in [blue] Minnesota: Välkommen or Velkommen.
20El Jefe,
21We welcome yer rantin’ and ravin’ an’ screechin’ and screamin’. Have at it!!
El Jefe, you know beer, bread and pickles. Do ya know anything about the oil bidness? There was a guy in the neighborhood some years back who shared your name who talked about the oil business. I especially was interested in what he said regarding the spill in the Gulf. You related?
22Welcome El Jefe! No, I don’t know you from anywhere.
I heard Ryump plans to ditch Medicare in favor of vouchers. Who knows if they’ll cover anything more than acetaminophen. In even numbered years.
23platypus onion:
24Yes, attempts have been made to set aside habitat for Jaguars and other big cats in Southern Arizona, but you know what happens when the big cats get between predatory capitalists and money-to-be-made. Every agreement has been reversed, adjusted, or implementation has been postponed. Currently the mine is on hold while various federal agencies try to figure out what to do.
Nice to see that JJ has a little help sweeping up the clippings around the shop. Greeting and welcome from Iowa. Sorry we let everybody down on this one.
25Welcome El Jefe, and please add your ranting and insults to ours. And best wishes to that big spotted El Jefe cat too.
26Welcome, El Jefe!! Us patrons of this here salon are open to voices of reason and rantings. And oh hayull yes we sorely do need all we can get right about now (and for the next four years).
27Thanks for the info, Rev Dave. Much appreciated. From iowa where the only Jaguars I have ever seen were the XKE variety.
28Welcome, do you have a Twitter handle?
29“or his hand crafted pointy toed roach killer boots made way-the-hell-out-there in Fredericksburg just for him.”
we aren’t way-the-hell-out-there in……………….ohhhhhhhhhh! wrong Fredericksburg! sorry about that. actually, the original Fredericksburg is dead center between Washington & Richmond. as you might imagine, from our location, it gets a little confusing here at times. what, with all the folks working for the federal gov’t, and all the folks (sometimes the same folks, they get confused) hating on the federal gov’t. sometimes, we’re not sure who we should be hating on, and who we should be supporting. it’s easier just to hate everyone.
I look forward to the bread & beer. sounds like that should be the name of a band.
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