Apocalypse Alert! Apocalypse Alert!
Michele Bachman is convinced to the bone that The END Times are here. Wanna know why? Obama.
She believes that President Obama is helping Al-Qaeda in Syria and here’s what’s happening.
“This happened and as of today the United States is willingly, knowingly, intentionally sending arms to terrorists, now what this says to me, I’m a believer in Jesus Christ, as I look at the End Times scripture, this says to me that the leaf is on the fig tree and we are to understand the signs of the times, which is your ministry, we are to understand where we are in God’s end times history,” Bachmann told Jan Markell, radio host of “Understanding the Times,” on Saturday.
I read that twice. Girl, you are talking but you ain’t sayin’ nothing. I even tried reading it backwards to see if there was a code in there or something. Nope – those are words but that’s all they are. She can’t string them together very well.
But, Honey, it gets even better.
Do you want to know what her major concern is?
“We are seeing that in our time. Yes it gives us fear in some respects because we want the retirement that our parents enjoyed. Well they will, if they know Jesus Christ.”
If the apocalypse comes, she’s worried that she won’t get her retirement. She is not worried about fire and brimstone, no siree. She’s not even breaking a sweat over the three horsemen and the plague and crap. She is worried that she won’t get retirement. Yeah, that would be my big concern, too. “Lord, do not come while there’s still a dollar in my retirement account.”
“Rather than seeing this as a negative, we need to rejoice, Maranatha Come Lord Jesus, His day is at hand,” Bachmann added later.
So if Obama is bringing about something to rejoice, why the hell are you so damn mean to him? That’s the part I don’t get.
No, that’s not true. The part I really don’t get is how she remembers to breathe.
Thanks to Deb for the heads up.
I’m not a Christian, so can someone who is translate this for me?
…”Maranatha Come Lord Jesus…”
I gather it’s like ‘God willing’ or something but I’ve just never heard of that phrase before.
1Maybe it’s like a “come to Jesus meeting”, which is, ironically, what Obama needs to hold with the GOP.
2It is the End Times for the Republican Party. After Oct 17 the suicide caucus will end the Republican Party as we know it.
3“Maranatha” as used by St. Paul means “Our Lord cometh” (in other words, the Second Coming is coming. Though it wasn’t, anytime soon.)
So basically Bachman said “Our Lord cometh, Come Lord Jesus” which is A) redundant, and B) a blatant attempt to show off her piety, which is something Jesus (though not St. Paul) said not to do. Of course he also said lying was bad, but you can’t expect a good evangelical right-wing Republican not to lie….
4She doesn’t need to remember to breath. Evolution saw to that.
5The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse: Ted Cruz, John Boehner, Mitch McConnell, Rand Paul. And in the Gabby Hayes role of the wacky side-kick, Louie Gohmert.
6This is just too weird to parse. Really. It’s not even stupid, hypocritical or dishonest like a lot of the blather that passes for speeches these days. It’s just plain raving mad.
71. She said the same thing the first time she used Mop ‘n Glo.
82. She sleeps in a coffin.
Let’s hope she’s coming to the end of her time…in congress soon. It can’t be soon enough. What a hypocrite, voting to take food from poor children, aid to the poor, services for vets…and pretending she’s some kind of prophet. Oh, I forgot, she worships Republican Jesus who hates the poor, loves the rich and packs a semi-automatic. I hope Jon Stewart jumps on this one.
9The bull moose loony evangelicals scream the batshit crazy biblical stuff at the top of their lungs. But sadly, most of that stuff is in the bible. You don’t get to believe in sweet Jesus without Teh Crazy. The whole “eat my body & drink my blood” routine should be a good clue. Revelations is New Testament, not old Hebrew legends.
10Jim Leach was a “reasonable Republican” til he got off the crazy train in the same way that “rational Christians” know that the stuff in the bible can’t really be true. But they’re part of the problem in the same way that Jim was. Not because of what they believe but because of the power that the large group of “rational Christians” cede to their radical fringe.
How convenient for her that end times are coming around the time she quits congress. Maybe some samaritan will be kind enough to smite her with her own jawbone.
11They’re not making the slightest effort anymore to disguise how unhinged they are. Genuinely unsettling.
12If the “End Times” are really coming real soon now (like so many software upgrades), why worry about the national debt, or ObamaCare? After all, the Tea Partiers are surely counted amongst those who will be Raptured up to the penthouse suite – right? So, why then are they so concerned about things that the Tribulation would destroy in any case?
Unless, of course, they know that they’re lying to their followers in an attempt to frighten them and make them more easy to manipulate…
13A few months ago the repugs were criticizing Pres. Obama for not nukeing Syria, Libya, Egypt, etc. Now that he’s arming a select group of rebels in Syria, he’s arming Al Queda? My head is spinning. Hopefully Michell will be in jail soon for her campaign shenanigans.
14maggie @8
LOL! Big belly laugh here!
15The leaf is on the fig tree?
16That may be so (whatever it means) but I’m pretty sure Michele Bachman is also on something when she gets to rattling on like that.
You have to speak their language.
17Rick, the quote is, “when you see the leaves appearing on the fig tree, you know the summer is near.” I think Michele has snorted too many tea leaves! Shepherd’s hook and exit stage left Shelly, you’ve had your 15 minutes. Why don’t you go find Sarah and y’all can make paper dolls…or gouge each others’ eyeballs out, whatever, just GO. AWAY. NOW!
18Is it just gobbledygook they are forced to memorize and it just comes out like a bunch of non sequitors strung together? Maybe that is speaking in tongues! Only hers sounds like it is hobbled by something…too bad she didn’t stay in Egypt with Louie and Steve.
These people are anathema. Or maranatha..
19If Mechele and Marcus Bachmann are part of the chosen few who are gonna get raptured, y’all can have my ticket. The folks who are gonna get left behind are more interesting, anyway.
20Let us not forget that for one brief tarnished moment this woman led the polls to become the Republican nominee for President.
Sit there quietly and think about that for a moment.
Now, if each and every one of you does not mobilize, organize and energize the Democratic voters in 2014 to take back the House… I will find you and you will wish it WAS the End.
21If she’s right about the End Times, ol’ Michelle better be worrying about the fire and brimstone. I don’t think people who cut food stamps and otherwise stomp on those in need are going to make the cut for the Rapture. OK, so I don’t actually believe in the Rapture, but I do think rather highly of what Jesus said about taking care of those who need it.
22well said dachipster!
23Texas Trailer Park, lordy, please don’t remind me. Two of those idiots are from Kentucky. Two, I don’t know about Baby Jesus weeping, but I sure am.
I had to get off the Facebook and turn off the teevee. I started screaming at said objects and I think I scared the neighbors, again.
Thanks daChipster, that reminder is sending me to the bourbon. Sigh.
I think a visit with Netflix and bourbon is in order. Soothing is in order.
24To daChipster: I wish you had not reminded me of that one brief tarnished moment. It gave me nightmares back then and liable to do so again tonight! Think I’ll make myself a nice concoction of lime, ice, tequila and salt…..to help me hang on! Though I must admit that I thought I had had one too many when she was on the tube laughing because they had forced a government shut down!
25“maggie says:
October 8, 2013 at 6:09 pm
1. She said the same thing the first time she used Mop ‘n Glo.
2. She sleeps in a coffin.”
Howlingly funny!
26Is this what they call speaking in tongues? Her mouth’s a-flappin’ but no sense is coming out (not that it ever did).
27I can help with that last question. Bachmann can remember to breathe because the lizard part of her brain is fully functional.
28So, Has she given up on the idea of the Rapture?
29I’ve had a pot of coffee…. and I still don’t understand a word of what she said.
What I think about is….. this is the woman who seriously thought she could be elected President of these United States.
I don’t know who told her, or what tongue they spoke. But I do thank the Good Lord for giving enough people the good sense not to fall for her gibberish.
Too early for Bachmannisms.
30I think she’s auditioning for a spot on the couch at the 700 Club. She would fit right in. No need to make sense. After all, Rev. Raving Robertson can’t last forever. And no more of those pesky FEC reports, PTL!
31@e platypus onion — very clever (…that jawbone of an ass thing…)
32She’s getting all Biblical because she’s under investigation by the FEC. She figures that criminal activity stuff will just go away if the Rapture comes, so she praying harder than ever for it.
What a putz.
33I hope all of us are raptured to JJ’s Beauty Salon. I can hear whoops of laughter now!
34She has me totally convinced that mental health evaluations should be mandatory once a year for all elected officials.
She is absolutely nuts and blind too, she cannot see that her husband is a drag queen missing it’s drag bar.
35I grew up amongst the Crazies…and just read the article in Salon about Pat R –which led to an article about his fake missions to Africa that were really covering his gold and diamond mines–seems like it fits in with how I thought of them whilst I was trapped amongst them…they are EVIL.
36And since the GOP has been co-opted by this fringe group–I am just hoping the moderates come to their senses and leave the party. I feel sorry for them, for I also think a two party system is a good one–but deChipster is right, this nut job was close to having her finger on the “blow up the world” button, as was Sister Sarah…nightmare inducing…
We don’t need any fake pious double-speak to tell us. The simple fact that Michelle Bachman is in Congress is enough proof that the End Times are here.
37TexasTrailerParkTrash @6: Please please don’t ever put sweet silly funny Gabby Hayes in the same sentence as evil, maletrocious, stoopid-not-on-purpose, chum-scum Louie Gohmert.
Oh for the halcyon days 10 years after Hitler when the villains vanquished by Roy and Dale & Co. looked like good guys next to the RWNJs spoiling our present. We need the old B&W teevees back in our lives because the living color in today’s Congress is too much to bear.
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