And I Want To Change My Middle Name to Hotsy, But That Don’t Make Me Marilyn Monroe
Just when you thought, or even hoped, that things couldn’t get nuttier in Texas, along comes Larry Kilgore, challenging all preconceived notions of social science.
Larry Scott Kilgore, a perennial Republican candidate from Arlington, a Dallas suburb, announced that he was running for governor in 2014 and would legally change his name to Larry Secede Kilgore, with Secede in capital letters. As his Web page, secedekilgore.com, puts it: “Secession! All other issues can be dealt with later.”
Until I see scientific proof that you cannot catch the crazy flu from a website, I will not ask you to visit Larry’s erudite website. It’s just one page, and here it it. Seriously. I am not joking.
You can click the little one to get the big one. I support safe websurfing.
I’m wondering exactly what “issues” Larry is pondering. To tell you the truth, I don’t think Larry has to tell us that he has “issues.” I think that’s pretty damn self-evident.
This ain’t Larry’s first shot at trying to be somebody.
And this Kilgore guy gets to be spokesman because he is the only one of the secessionists who owns a suit. All he needs is a Mitt Romney tattoo on his face and a date with Lindsay Lohan to qualify for institutional care.
They can have all the stoopid they want, but dammit, they can’t have Texas. I’m bunkerin’ up here at the beauty salon with a curling iron and three industrial size bottles of Aqua Net. I ain’t going down easy.
Thanks to Glynda for the heads up.
Yeah, Texas has more than it’s share of the crazy.
I ain’t messing with ya Jaunita Jean, I’ve see a can of aqua net used as a flame thrower before…
Scary stuff…
Just saying…
1So, let’s see. He wants Texans to be dumb, broke, unhealthy and overrun with criminals. Sounds about right.
2If you leave Texas, can we ride on your bus?
3Lindsey Lohan? Naah, he needs a date with that other Lindsey (Lindsey Graham) to be a true RWNJ…
But maybe that other Lindsey is too intelligent for Mister Kilgore.
4Arlington is not a Dallas suburb, it is a Fort Wuth suburb. Dallas tries to take claim for all that is good in Texas without taking responsibility for its crap. Dallas is not hell as many Panther City residents say–but you can see it from there.
5Ever been to Arlington? It used to be known for Six Flags, then it turned CRAZEE for Jeebus – my sis-in-law would make a fine rep for this moran running~she’s just as nutty and ridiculously uninformed.
6I love his reference to Corinthians. Verses 6-10 pretty much say you should do your work and not give because the government says you have to, but the rest of it is pretty much about service and “your generosity in sharing with them and with everyone else.” I’m thinking he didn’t read that part too closely…
The verses in Timothy skip over all of Sweet Baby Jesus’s warnings about “judge not” right onto how to push out widows unless “she has brought up children… has lodged strangers…has washed the saints’ feet…relieved the afflicted….” which appears to me to leave out a lot of his compadres who wouldn’t dare do such things!
[Just as a side note: my Chrisitanity–or what’s left of it–tends to come from the four gospels, not so much from what I find somewhat mysogenistic later writings….]
7@TexasTrailerParkTrash, I think the Governor and Lege of Texas has already accomplished that, or at least made a big dent in it. Anyone who thinks like this Nutjob has to be a criminal.
8@roger – there are people who think Ft Wuth is a Dallas suburb…
@djw – if it doesn’t quote Sweet Baby Jesus directly (as in the gospels), I’m not much on it either. Entirely too many of the writings of Saul of Tarsus made it into the Bible, imho, though I will agree that some of them are truly beautiful.
Truly, though, harking back to the Friday cartoon, let’s give all those wishing to secede bus tickets. Even if he did it for all the wrong reasons, I’m glad our Governor got off that pony. Though I’d be willing to contribute to his bus tickets, broke as I am, to send him back to his ranch.
9Ya mean Texas hasn’t already eliminated education? My 40 year old Texas “educated” friend tells me she never had American or World History in school, only Texas history. I never believed her until I mentioned Hannibal crossing the Alps one day. She asked, “who’s Hannibal, were they circus elephants, and what are the Alps”.
If Texas Seceeds, there entire IQ of America will increase at least 75 points.
10Okay, now. Just wait a minute, just wait a dang minute! Is this his *governor* poster or his *US senator* poster? Or maybe he’s just planning on a paste-over so he can recycle. (If that’s not too Agenda-21 environmental for him, HA.) So obviously *he* is just nuts enough not to understand that as a US senator, there is absolutely NOTHING on his list he can propose or vote on to accomplish a single one of those things. But are his constituents that unreality-based, too?
Good thing the Governor gig occurred to him or he might’ve wasted all that printing….
11Can’t we just gerrymander this? Lines could be drawn around the residences of Kilgore and other carefully selected Republicans, creating the new state of Texasses.
12@Lorraine.
Sadly, your friend is right.
Texas History was taught in what I went to….. which at the time was Junior High School.
Far as Texas was concerned. That’s all we needed to know.
13*Like*
TrailerParkTrash.
You got it.
14If he needs a campaign slogan, I would recommend
15“Born Stoopid, Still Stoopid And Damn Proud Of It!”
Here in Texas we don’t need no skoolin, we got the Bibul.
16Ooooooooooo, Canada is lookin’ better and better all the time!
17Kilgore has the same problem many of these fools have! It is the Holy Bible, not the Wholly Babble. This was stolen, plagiarized and otherwise copied.
18The last politician who had his legal name changed for one of his proposed policies that I knew of was Brian (Low Tax) Looper from Tennessee who ended up doing away his opponent (and I don’t mean in the popular vote.)
Larry seems some kind of stupid crazy.
19I am unclear about this.
20Isn’t a call for secession basically saying that you do not want to be an American anymore, and isn’t that tantamount to renouncing citizenship?
As a non-citizen, the US constitution does not fully apply. For example, whenever I buy a gun, it disqualifies me if I have ever renounced citizenship or plotted against the USA. So AFAIK, these people are giving up their gun rights from the start, until Texas becomes its own country.
@Lorraine, I’m 60, and we sure did have Texas history in school, but we had American History also. My teacher at Temple High School had us learn R.E.Lee’s hat size, the name of his horse, as well as his Farewell to the Troops at surrender. “After four years of arduous service, marked by unsurpassed courage and fortitude, the Army of Northern Virginia…” So don’t tell me we didn’t thoroughly learn our lessons. Luckily I went off to the University of Texas for a LIBERAL Arts degree and saved my IQ. No wonder half the state are Redneck Secessionists.
21HMMM? Governor Good Hair versus the Zetas, what could possibly go wrong?
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