And Here’s The Sound of a Spoon Being Pounded On a High Chair Tray
I want you kiddos to meet Cecil Bell Jr, a redneck good ole boy if ever there was one. The only problem is that he’s a redneck good ole boy elected to the state legislature.
Ole Cecil does not cotton to other people’s lifestyles. Cecil doesn’t like lifestyles. He doesn’t have one to speak of so yours is overly interesting to him.
Plus, he’s got that whole uglier than a mud fence thing going. Seriously, Cecil couldn’t even get laid at the Chicken Ranch with fifty dollars stapled to his forehead and a hen under each arm.
Bless his heart.
But what he lacks in beauty he more than makes up for in ignorance. Cecil is a graduate of Oakwood High School. He didn’t feel the need for further education because all they teach you is stuff like lifestyle. And arithmetic. Who needs arithmetic? Not Cecil.
In the Texas Legislature they call people who are too dumb to know giddy-up from whoa a special brand of people – they are called “furniture.” Cecil is a hat rack.
So Cecil has filed a bill called “Preservation of Sovereignty and Marriage Act,” numbered HB 623, which is dangerously close to 666 and almost as evil. This bill says —
State or local government employees giving out same-sex marriage licenses would stop receiving their salaries under a bill filed Wednesday for the 84th legislative session.
So, since the courts will say that same gender marriage is legal in Texas, Cecil has decided that a way around that is to punish lowly government workers. If they issue a marriage license to any folks other than one man and one woman, they will longer receive a salary, benefits or a pension. Cecil’s bill does not state for how long they won’t get paid but I suspect it goes along the lines of alpha to omega.
Cecil believes that Texas is has sovereignty so we can pick and choose which federal laws we want to follow.
Now here’s where things get especially weird. What with all this talk about local control, you’d think that Governor Greg Abbott would have a cow before he suggests that the Government of Texas can overrule what local cities and school boards want to do. Well, Honey, you’d think wrong.
Governor Abbott says the Sate of Texas can overrule cities who have banned plastic bags. He says they can also overrule cities or counties who have outlawed fracking in their geographic boundaries.
Governor-Elect Greg Abbott criticized city bans this week and said reducing “regulatory burdens” would make Texas a better state.
“The truth is Texas is being California-ized and you may not even be noticing it,” said Abbott as he spoke Thursday. “It’s being done at the city level with bag bans, fracking bans, tree cutting bans. We’re forming a patchwork quilt of bans and rules and regulations that is eroding the Texas model.”
He doesn’t have a solution for being 47th in education or poor children not getting health care, but bygawd if you have a plastic bag Greg Abbott will come protect it.
When boys like Abbott and Ole Cecil say they want local control, they mean Greg and Cecil Control. They want to control everything from foreign policy to garbage pickup to your hoochy koochy life to what President Obama can say and what your mayor does on Saturdays.
Every time you hear a Republican say local control, remember that local means them.
And really bless Cecil’s heart. Just walking by him will make your clothes wrinkle.
Thanks to everybody for the heads up.
That boy is some proud of his ignernce ain’t he?!
1I feel very sorry for all the thinking Texans when they are represented so poorly by their elected officials. I was sorry that Wendy failed in her drive to become the governor. She would have been so much better than having Abbott in place 🙁
2Well stated. Truth is we’ve all got these losers like Cecil in every state in the US. Of course, Texas is a big state so its got more of them. Let’s vote them out.
3I missed Abbott’s blathering, it was that pudding faced name stealing Lite Guv of ours that I heard yapping about overturning bag-bans, etc!
4Publicans are all “local control” until the locals do something they don’t like. You should see them going all medieval on DC’s butt, because Congress has a hand clamped on DC’s treasury and can forbid the locals from spending a dime on laws the locals have voted in, such as funding abortions for poor women or reducing penalties for marijuana. DC doesn’t even have a single vote in Congress, despite having more people than several states. (So does our county, but at least we get to vote on Senators and a Rep.) There’s a reason why the slogan on DC license plates is “Taxation Without Representation.” If I lived over the line in DC I’d be madder and crazier than I am now.
So for Publicans it’s either local control or negating local control, whichever goes along with their prejudices, but either way it’s at the top of their lungs and is the way things always were and should be forever.
5OK! THAT DOES IT! I”M OVER IT!
I want a law passed NOW that anyone running for public office MUST take a college level course on the U.S. Constitution and pass that puppy with a ‘B’ or better! And those already in office must do the same or they are OUT OF HERE!
(Sorry for shouting.)
6Oh and Rhea…
DeeCee does get federal dollars because the Feds use so much of DC’s land for federal buildings. But DC can use their own LOCALLY generated tax dollars anyway they see fit. This is just the R’s in Congress using DC as the perennial whipping boy for things they don’t like. Um… overstep much?
Let freedom ring!
7I’m terrified of what Abbott and this idiot legislature will do.
8I’m not sure who is more frightening – politicians like Cecil or the people who deliberately and intentionally cast a vote to put him in office.
9“Eroding The Texas Model”, now that’s something I can get behind!
10When I saw that first picture I thought, “wow, Chris Christie has really let himself go.”
11Jak, and they all need to 1.) have their DNA examined for anything strange on the different alleles and 2.) take a drug test. Just like what all those jack wagons in Florida want to force everyone who applies for public assistance to do.
12JAKvirginia: You are quite wrong. DC CANNOT use its own local tax-generated funds without the permission of Congress. That’s the whole EFFING point of those license plates. We cannot provide free abortions for poor women, for example. And, that’s just one example of what we cannot do with our own damn money. We have to abide by the laws set by idiots like Loopy Louie. Stuff they can’t do in their own jurisdictions are fair game here.
Why do you think we want Statehood so badly????
13Thanks for the update Barb. That really sucks! !
14“Local control” is philosophically very close to “freedom of speech” and “freedom of religion” to these guys. It means they get to have their own way 100%, no compromise.
15I don’t keer if Cecil cleans up reel nice, he ain’t nobuddy one’d want to eat supper with. Or not at our house, at least. And I think the next two years we gotta figger out what to do about the whompin’ big hunks of money floating down from Wichita and other points north to mess with us’ns in Tayuksis.
Sweetwater’s about to roll up its sidewalks these days what with the low price of oil and the folks fighting back against fracking. I’m gonna eat a cookie and go to bed.
16Just curious.
WHAT Texas Model?
17I am all for the tests on knowledge about government. I think they need to start with a basic IQ test and then they need to spend a full day in each one of a public school classroom, a homeless shelter, a health department clinic, almost any ER and maybe work in a fast food restaurant. I guess they need some reality exposure.
18Don’t worry it will just get worse. The Tea Party hierarchy will proclaim this legislature and administration as ‘too liberal’ for Texas and push for the election of even greater idiots in coming state elections.
19Look on the bright side. With Cecil Bell & Greg Abbott in power it lowers the risk of an interstellar space invasion starting in Texas. If the saucers landed there, and the star travelers asked us to take them to our leaders, they’d be convinced Cecil and Greg were brought forward as decoys.
“Come on Earth People. The real leaders. We just flew light years across the galaxy. Do you think you we’re stupid?”
20Of course Abbott is protecting plastic grocery bags. They are made by Big Oil.
21How can the state penalize someone for performing a lawful act?
22His resume, assuming it is not inflated, is perfect GOP. He says he owns a couple ranches and some sort of construction company. So the GOP sees him as a job creator. Problem is, ranching and construction jobs are hourly and seasonal. The only person who makes money is … the owner.
23This guy needs more than $50 and a hen……
24Corinne Sabo, he’s a Republican. He doesn’t need $50; all he needs is a hen to make him happy.
25I’d like to cut Cecil’s salary, benefits, and pension.
26