December 27, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized
(Momma, don’t click this link. Don’t do it, Momma. I’m tired after Christmas and can’t run all that fast.)
New National Park Regulations.
I’m pitching a tent and getting in line the night before.
Thanks to Carl for the heads up.
Welcome to The World's Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc.
My name is Susan DuQuesnay Bankston. I live in Richmond, Texas, in the heart of Tom DeLay's old district. It's nuttier than squirrel poop here.
I am honored and privileged to know Miss Juanita Jean Herownself, hairdresser extraordinary and political maven. Since she does not have time to fiddle with this internet stuff, I type her website for her and you can read it if you want to. If you don't, she truly does not give a big bear's butt.
A lot of what I post here has to do with local politics, but you probably have the same folks in your local government.
This ain't a blog. Blogs are way too trendy for me. This is a professional political organization.
I’ll drink a quart of Mountain Dew while waiting in line. Bladder don’t fail me now.
1I particularly like one of the comments at the linked article:
Carl Stensel · Top Commenter
2This is the sort of problem that we have to face in a democracy like ours. It is going to make it very hard for the people who want to dance on Cheney’s grave.
The obvious solution to the fact that Dick Cheney is so toxic is to have an estate sale and require him to pay for his own sewerage system. Since we’ll all be paying for his wars long after his (it can’t come too soon) demise, the least he can do is allow us our freedom of expression for free.
3Another commenter at the linked site said that there would be 10,000 urinals draining onto the site. Using the MLB ballpark formula that means there will only be three commodes for the ladies.
Get there real early, JJ!
4Piss on his grave??? Crap! Plce him in front of me and I’ll just piss on his shoes!!!
5And this is exactly why government does not work. Where are the creative thinkers? Why not a Pissing Pavilion? Why not an annual Who-Can-Piss-The-Farthest-To-Hit-DC Contest? How about a headstone with Cheney’s visage and an open mouth? Charge a quarter to discharge into it. Call it Minding-Your-Pee-and-Q’s. And, of course, what about those people who want to leave a more solid gift to his memory? Oh, the possibilities are endless!
6This isn’t from the Onion?
Can we please let the families of the military who were killed in Afghanistan and Iraq go first? Next the wounded survivors and their families. Then any other military and their families. Then friends of those killed or maimed. Then those who opposed the war at the outset and are not in the first listed groups. THEN the general public. It may take years for the general public to have a turn.
PKM, I like your idea of an estate sale. The whole estate, so this may be funded in perpetuity. And no, it can’t come too soon.
7Like many, I’m sure—I fear getting some kind of horrific infection from peeing on Cheney’s grave.
What if some sort of uber-toxic Cheney ameba jumps on me (like my grandmama used to say something off a toilet seat might do)? I’m thinking a nice comfortable couch with an endless supply of snacks and adult beverages would be better
8(as I watch other pee all over his grave).
Why wait in line, I’m signing on a bus tour with reserved pee times.
9I wouldn’t plan a trip just yet. Cheney may still have some human parts, but one by one as they break down they’ll continue to be replaced with bionic components. Our only hope is that his operating system, when finally upgraded, will be some version of Windows 95 and he’ll spend most of his time rebooting.
He’ll display a non-menacing welcome screen so often, Walmart may hire him as a greeter.
10My big concern is that he would rise from his grave to prey upon the living. I’d say put it in a large garlic field and surround it with a bunch of super-soakers loaded with holy water and linked to motion sensors, ready to douse anything rising from the ground.
Oh, and video cameras to make sure the stake through his heart stays put.
11@ Rick: There’s an idea, trick Cheney into moving to the Windows ME operating system… just like the one he had installed in Robo-Dubya!
12Before Cheney’s remains are buried, it’s only right that the innocent heart that was transplanted in 2013 into that evil body be removed first. It’s bad enough that this unsuspecting organ was pressed into service to sustain the life of such a miserable wretch. There’s no reason to compound the indignity by showering that heart with urine after Cheney expires.
13This is why I support a strong functioning democratic Government (screw the bathtub BS) and vehemently oppose Privatization. I believe everybody should be allowed access and be able to afford to piss on Cheney’s’ grave regardless of race, age, income, gender or religion.
14So the other is fine?
15Why wait? I’d be happy to do it now. As I’m female, there’s a bit of an aiming problem, but I’d also be happy to smash his sneering face in first so that he’d be horizontal.
And since he’s so fond of torture, and doesn’t care if innocent people are tortured in my name and the name of all Americans, I say let’s have a go while he’s down there. Maybe wire him up, since he’ll already be soaking wet.
16Better idea: urineboarding.
17At least there is a ready made design for the Cheney Family Crypt: http://www.milanvault.com/wp-content/gallery/pouring-process/pic1.jpg
Some of the people who most deserve an opportunity to shower Cheney with love are not able to travel to the US. It’s only fitting after we have our decade of urin.. er mourning to accommodate the lines, he be sent to every country wanting to urin… er mourn him. Mummies go on tours of the world’s museums; only fitting that this evil dummy travel a bit after death. He may fly longer after death than the years he lived.
PS The devil says he’s fine with the delay, as he’d like extra time to create something extra special for Dick.
18Rhea: +1
19Gotta say, this is imaginative. I hear our national parks have had so many budget slashes that its way past ridiculous. Maybe charging a wee entry fee might help.
20I thought he was undead. But if not, I’ll be happy to pay a fee and wait in line to piss on his grave. This will be one time I’ll be happy to be taking diuretics.
21PKM, you remind me of Al Stewart’s song “Joe the Georgian,” about how all the men Stalin purged on his way to the top are waiting for him in hell:
“We’re sharpening our pitchforks, and we’re heating up the ends.
We’ve got a few surprises for [him] when he appears–
I hope he likes the next few million years.”
I expect Cheney will have a welcoming committee of sorts too, though most of his victims were relatively innocent.
Song here, click “show more” for lyrics:
22https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l1qc_zg2od0
I think that announcement was from the National Prick Service.
23I’d pee on him now–except, he might enjoy it. He defines “sleaze” after all.
24Rhea gets the piss prize for “urineboarding”.
25Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust
Let’s pee on
This mother and
Get on the bus.
Sorry; just venting. Plenty of time to pee on the old goat later. I can wait to pee. But for the dignity, honor and integrity of our country, I hope the best legal minds available can deliver the means to hand this criminal over to The Hague for trial, or to any of the countries ready to charge his crimes.
26Dear Proprietess,
27I not sayin’ Momma ain’t no saint. But I can only imagine she’s worse’n a rattlesnake what slithered over a fireant nest when she’s filled with a righteous anger. Plus, she ain’t dumb, she seen what he did. Heck, it bein’ Texas, Momma’s probly even distant kin of that poor sumbitch Cheney shot in the face, bless his heart. They ain’t no cussin’ on that web page. It’ll do her heart good to know that folks is gonna do right by ol’ Dick when he cain’t no longer order the US Army to go fetch him a new ticker and he passes from this earthly veil.
Fortunately, as a draft dodger, he won’t buried in Arlington where I would stop anybody from pissing on any grave.
And for old time’s sake, here’s a picture of Dick’s good Chicken Hawk buddy Donald, as Reagan’s special envoy to Saddam, bringing toys, bombs and poison gas to all the good little dictators.
28http://www2.gwu.edu/~nsarchiv/NSAEBB/NSAEBB82/
I loved all your suggestions, but think JAKVirginia’s is the most innovative and would turn it into a favorite family vacation spot.
29and I totally agree with PKM. Nab him now. Strategies needed.
30and I totally agree with PKM. Nab him now. Strategies needed.
31Cheney deserves urination for ruining our nation.
32NPS really needs to do an environmental impact study on this. Can you imagine that much liquid in a cemetery sized space? Collateral flooding is guaranteed as well as, well, having to wade through damp soil to get to the grave. Yuck.
But of course worth it.
Of course if he were to spontaneously combust I would NOT pi$$ on him to put him out. I have my priorities.
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