“War On Christmas” Starts in 3-2-1
It’s that time of year, folks, for Fox Noise and head-spinners to start the annual phony “War On Christmas”. After all, book sales are down post summer, and the Caravan is no longer a threat after the election, so the Outrage Machine needs to whip up resentment over restrictions on Yuletide celebrations that don’t exist. To those who fall for this tripe every year, I offer this:
Merry Christmas!
Happy Hanukkah!
Happy Holidays!
Happy Kwanzaa!
Happy Winter Solstice!
Happy Diwali!
To piss off the Defenders of Christmas, please feel free to add your own greeting!
As Kinky Friedman said so eloquently, “May the God of your choice bless and keep you. I respect Him as long as He does not circumcise me anymore.”
1I say “Happy Everything!”.
2Remind them the preference for most members of the invading immigrant caravan is the celebration of a traditional Christmas, a religious Christmas, focused on their lord and savior Jesus Christ and not mass consumerism, if they can. If they’re not being shot at, detained, or caged.
Now, who did Fox Noise say was fighting a war on Christmas?
3@Rick #3
Faux Noose forgets that the holy family were probably migrants.
4“Merry Christmas!
Happy Hanukkah!
Happy Holidays!
Happy Kwanzaa!
Happy Winter Solstice!
Happy Diwali!”
I have heard most of these over the years. None offend me. My answer, since my little bride first brought this vein of stoopid which runs through our part of Texas America to my attention is
“Thank you, you too!” 🙂
5Festivus, for the rest of us. The “Airing of Grievances” in the Age of the Golgothan will prove to be interesting.
6Growing up anywhere near an international port would leave a kid hearing: Feliz Navidad! Joyeux Noel! Frolich Weinachten! even if at an advanced age they have forgotten how to spell it all out and have to fight with Spell Check.
Seriously, if Faux Noose didn’t create all sorts of snippy little distractions they would have no function at all.
7Seasons Greetings! Let’s celebrate the four seasons while we still have them. Unchecked climate change will reduce us to two: hot dry mess or hot wet mess depending on one’s region.
To hear Grandpa tell it, Bing Crosby never sang “White Christmas” quite the way snacilbupeR racists sing it today. Bing meant snow as associated with one of the 4 seasons, winter. Now Fox not the News and others are babbling on about some white Santa dude, a white boy born in a Mediterranean manger and, if they were honest (and they’re not), white snow is the powder they inhale to produce their white supremacy fantasies.
825 Decembris non dies natalis Christi est, sed Solis Invicti, aut Mithras aut Helios.
9Have a salacious Saturnalia. Have a Cool Yule. Happy Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree.
10Happy Non-Denominational Gift Day! And have a Sweet Solstice, which is what everyone whose cultural traditions spring from an agriculture-based civilization is really celebrating. (For the Northern Hemisphere, Winter is transitioning to Spring – for the Southern Hemisphere, Summer is transitioning to Fall.
11I just saw a tweet from Eric Trump (no, I do NOT follow him) promoting Trump Christmas ornaments. This is the real war on Christmas, and Christmas may not win.
I say “Happy Isaac Newton’s Birthday!” Yes, he was born on December 25.
12Yup! Time to drag out the best greeting of all:
BAH! HUMBUG!
13The 12 Days of Indictment
On the Twelfth Day of Indictment Bob Muller gave to us
14Donnie’s head on a steel pike…
Speaking of solstice, come visit Alaska on solstice. Either one. You will be amazed.
The following figures are for Anchorage, and assume a flat horizon with the view not blocked by mountains (which, from Anchorage, it is).
On summer solstice (usually June 21) the sun rises in the north and sets in the north. Sunrise is 32 east of true north. The sun then appears to draw nearly a full circle around the sky, traversing 296 degrees, setting at 328 (32 west of true north) after 19 hours and 21 minutes of day.
On winter solstice (usually December 21), the sun rises in the south and sets in the south. Sunrise is 143. Sunset (5 house and 28 minutes later) is 217.
Further north (Fairbanks, Utqiagvik) it gets even more extreme.
So we are very happy at the winter solstice – the sun will begin to creep back from the south, the days will be just a bit longer, the gain in daylight will be cumulative. Summer solstice is glorious, but we’re a little bit wistful.
15Gauisus Saturnalia!
16The dreaded day dawns and the in-laws arrive
With their lime Jello marshmallow broccoli surprise….
If I sneak out right now, maybe no one will see,
‘Midst the ripping of gift wrap and blaring TV–
While the dog eats the turkey and pees on the tree,
I’ll be out with my Jewish friends for a movie and Chinese,
Singing humbug, bah humbug, bah humbug!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dzgWLOmagAk
17Ehh.
I’ll stick to the basics before December: Happy Thanksgiving!
18May you have a comfortable day with the family of your choice…
“Christmas, with its spirit of giving, gives us all a chance to reflect on what we all most deeply and sincerely believe in… I refer, of course, to money. And yet none of the Christmas carols one hears on the radio and in the streets even attempts to capture the true spirit of Christmas – as we celebrate it in the United States. That is to say, the commercial spirit”
19-Tom Lehrer’s intro to his proposedChristmas Carol
“Christmas time is here, by golly,
Disapproval would be folly,
Deck the halls with hunks of holly,
Fill the cup and don’t say “when.”
Kill the turkeys, ducks and chickens,
Mix the punch, drag out the Dickens,
Even though the prospect sickens,
Brother, here we go again.”
Tom Lehrer, “A Christmas Carol”
God Jul!
20Io Saturnalia!
I always say “Happy Holidays!” If anyone gets their back fur up about it, I follow up:
Happy Holidays–5 syllables.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year–10 syllables.
You, sir or madam, are not sufficiently important to me to be worth an extra 5 syllables.
Avoids getting bogged down in different traditions (which is usually what they want to bitch about) and keeps the whole discussion anchored in simple efficiency…while still insulting them for being such a Grinch.
21Thanks to P.P.’s mention of Festivus for the rest of us, a creation of George Costanza’s father (Seinfeld), I was transported back to the Pre-Trump era when life was much better and hate lived in the fringes.
22Beside a wreath on the door, I no longer decorate for Christmas,
mainly because 2 years ago a raccoon family gained entry to my attic and destroyed my collection of hand-made ornaments made by my kids and the little tree we decorated. Replacing them with store-bought just didn’t seem right.
The one message all of these holidays have in common is: “Love one another”.
Let’s put the X back in Xmas.
23Sam in St Paul reminds me of a meme– I don’t know how to direct y’all to an image– of a sweet old Santa winking, captioned, “Put the ‘Christ’ back in Christmas? How about putting the ‘Christ’ back in Christians?” (not all need that, but the noisy ones do)
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