Wait Just a Damn Minute
Okay, so like it’s not bad enough that those tough-guys think they are all dangerous and fearsome revolutionary leaders then they take over a damn unguarded and empty bird sanctuary.
What do they want? Snacks! When do they want it? Now!
They say that they have been planning this for months, and bragged that they were ready to stay “for years”. It’s Day Two and they are already out of snacks.
Here’s how this went down:
Guns – check
Ammo – check
Flags – check
Cheetos – dammit, I knew we forgot something.
They want you to mail them snacks. This means that the same guys who want to overthrow the federal government have complete faith that the federal government can deliver their mail.
And socks. They want socks. So far it’s hard to tell if they’ll give in over lack of Oreos or become overwhelmed by the odor of stinky socks.
These guys are my new hobby.
If this is truly a “standoff” like they claim, why are they allowed to come and go as they please? I like the suggestion of sending them spring-loaded packages of glitter. And the girly “Spa Party” collection. My late 93 year-old mother was tougher than these dudes.
1How about a flat rate priority box of sand with instructions on how to pound the contents.
2My favorite part is giving a PO box number to send things they need, so they want delivery by Post office employees, you just can’t this stuff up!
3How did these idiots live this long without someone constantly reminding them to breathe?
4If we tell them they can’t stay, they will fight to the death to stay. It seems only logical that we should tell them that they can’t leave.
5I say, cut off their internet connection, their power, their water, and watch them run away.
6Let em eat cake.
7I also think it would be a good idea to send in a couple of cases of liquor. You know they are all really friendly drunks.
8Wonder if they brought a change of underwear and TP? Socks and snacks. They are good.
9Elizabeth Moon called it a few days ago. They’re pussies. (Sorry Mama, but they are.)
10Any kind of food filled with laxatives and diuretics.
11even better, they are MORMONS, who are supposed to be prepared for the unthinkable by storing all the provisions they will need to survive for 3-12 months. These fine specimens couldn’t last 3 days. Good grief! See https://www.lds.org/topics/food-storage?lang=eng
12So now we have a whacko bird sanctuary.
If everyone would just ignore them they would soon go away.
As for treats, how about some Blue Bell ice cream?
13Dear Miss Manners,
A band of rogue rogues has invaded the wildlife sanctuary nearby. They are asking that we bring snacks for the house-warming. What would be the correct snack to bring to a Bird Hall Putsch?
(signed)
Oregon, Duck!
Dear O’Duck,
Miss Manners would not be caught dead – for fear of being FOUND dead – attending such a slimy soiree. If you wish to appear neighborly while remaining safely outside rifle range, you should send the snacks with your regrets.
A Bag of Mixed Nuts seems apropos.
M.M.
14Has anyone told them that if they get convicted of a felony they will lose their precious “right to bear arms”?
15Send them nothing. Jam their cells, cut utilities–gas, water, electricity, cable. Let them get nice and downtrodden. See what happens.
16Cheetos? Is that what they’re calling government cheese? In addition to Bundy’s unpaid grazing fees, who knows the total of welfare/disability checks these idlers graze on, Ammo Bundy found himself a little over $500,000 in a small business loan.
17#1: Threaten to shoot Federal workers
18#2: Ask Federal workers to deliver your mail
Actually, daChipster (and MM), a bag of mixed nuts would be redundant.
19And, PKM, I’d call Daddy Bundy the biggest cheeto around those parts
Life is hard outside of mummy’s basement.
20Send dirty socks.
21“We got the right to anything we want, and if we don’t get it we’ll wave our guns around, and everybody else, including the big bad gubmint, has to give us whatever we need while we pitch our fit!”
Well, you could make this up, but it would be called what it is: a farce.
The authorities made a big mistake letting Daddy get away with his gun-waving mob and his unpaid million-dollar sponging off the taxpayers. Now these yo-yos think they can get away with anything just by waving their guns and yelling “Freedumb!”
They claim to be defending the Constitution. I’d like them to cite exactly which clauses, because I don’t think they’ve ever read it. Or, for that matter, the “render unto Caesar” verses in their Bibles.
There’s a sign where they are that says “Welcome to your National Wildlife Refuge system.” Key words are YOUR and NATIONAL. “Your” means all Americans, you hitsheds.
22Y’all Quackers!
http://i823.photobucket.com/albums/zz155/kmkmci/loons_zpsrwrjjgdv.jpg
23“Mommeeee! I’m HUNGRY!”
So, it turns out that their standoff and vow to “kill or be killed” can be thwarted by lack of Cheetos!
Good grief. As for ABC News, it was nice knowing you when you had journalists.
24That moment when you thought you would look brave and tough – and the world laughed at you: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zCfeTGelG-E
25I suggest we include some tampons in the glitter gift boxes.
26No food! Send them rusty diaper pins and directions on how to fold their Gadsden flags.
27They wear underwear? I thought they would go commando for the sake of their image.
28Meal Team 6 on duty.
Somebody ship them a create of Kleenex for their tears from all the ridicule they’re (deservedly) receiving.
29Someone on another comment stream suggested we send condoms and Astroglide Personal Lube for those lonely nights ahead.
30Snack? These wilting lilies want snacks? Fine. Whatever. But load them up with alum! At least they won’t go shooting their mouths off whenever the fancy takes them!
31Ralph Wiggam: I LOVE THAT IDEA!! Yes… keep them in. No food deliveries, no assistance at all from outside. No mail delivery… nothing. If they try to leave, the feds can send a few shots across their bow and get them to skuttle back to the “lodge”. Then when they “Waco” themselves the Feds can go in. A little clean up, some air freshener and we are back in business.
32What if they gave a Tea Party… and nobody came?
“Hey, FEDZ! All your bird sanctuary are belong to us!”
OK, Ammon, have a nice time. Please clean up when you’re done.
“I can haz snacks? …Hello?”
33For energy and pep I always recommend giving tasty comfort food, Twinkies and sprinkled Doughnuts, for a first time occupation of a Federal Wildlife Refuge this time of year.
34Poor baby’s, away from Mommy for the first time, they need some luv.
This is Yuuge, this is really big and will be the unifying rally call for all Patriots of Freedumb. No not Remember the Alamo, or Remember Burns, but the inspirational, “Remember the Snacks”!
35http://a.disquscdn.com/uploads/mediaembed/images/3022/1679/original.jpg
Don’t tread on my snacks,dang it.
36So, they need warm socks.
For suddenly cold feet?
I don’t sympathize with these morons. But I do pity them. Imagine having to go through life with these levels of intelligence, competence, and social skills.
37On Wednesdays I go shopping and have buttered scones for tea.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5zey8567bcg
38But the weirdest thing about this whole event? The Unexpected Voice of Reason coming from – wait for it – Ted Cruz!
Ya gotta feel a little sorry for these guys. Last time, at the Bundy ranch, they were right-wing media darlings, and praised and fawned over by dozens of Repub politicians. Now, they pull almost the same stunt again, and they get about as much respect and adulation as your average gonorrhea case gets at the free clinic. No wonder they’s all Kunfoozled.
And huge props to the local community and sheriff, who have refused to get sucked into this pathetic sideshow.
I think maybe the Bundy Bunch were planning on going to this really militia-friendly state up north, where they’d join up and hang out with other kindred spirits. But they don’t know nuthin’ ’bout Spellin’ or Joggerfee. So they got the wrong vowel, and instead of Idaho, ended up in Oregon.
39Awesome e platypus onion, that’s a game changer!
40Can I haz tweenkeez?
41A writer at HuffPo says we should donate food to our local food bank rather than our local annoyist*.
*Wannabe terrorist.
42Those “annoyists” (Thank you Ralph, that’s perfect!), are claiming their Mormon religion supports their annoying behavior. The Mormons are not amused. The Mormon big shots in Salt Lake City are publicly and loudly saying that is a bag of bull-ony. Jana Reiss is a respected Mormon journalist/blogger and she wrote an article about this. You’ll find it here (It’s short.): http://goo.gl/4bl9gn
Ms. Reiss says, “It’s where people go to watch birds!” The Mormons find them annoying too.
43chocolate covered moose droppings
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00QH6YLYC?keywords=chocolate%20covered%20moose%20droppings&qid=1452046868&ref_=sr_1_fkmr0_3&sr=8-3-fkmr0
or better, replace the stuff in the bag with the real thing.
seriously, for background on the fine upstanding citizens these annoyists (love that) are in Oregon to support, check Counterpunch’s article
44http://www.counterpunch.org/2016/01/05/showdown-in-the-malheur-marshes-the-origins-of-the-armed-occupation-in-burns-oregon/
I’ll donate to send them all the old surplus Wow! chips, with extra olestra. If you don’t remember them, Google it. It ain’t pretty.
45Cut them off. No food, no water, no electric power. If they try to hunt for food, arrest them for poaching inside a wildlife refuge.
46Hi all
I wanted to post this here first out of respect for our host and all you fine folks.
https://www.gofundme.com/vvhqgm7x
“Send Oregon Y’all Quaida to Somalia
You’ve probably all heard of the Y’all Quaida YeeHawdists who are living in their own Brokeback Mountain fantasy sequel in rural Eastern Oregon. They don’t like having anyone, especially the government, tell them what they can and can’t do. So I propose to make them ecstatic by buying them passage to Somalia on the slowest, leakiest boat that I can find. They’ll be thrilled — a place where there is no government and where everyone has firearms — and we’ll be thrilled to be well rid of them. And we can have betting pools on how long they last once they get there.
Win-Win-Win.
In the event that they don’t want to go, and can’t be lured up the gangway with shiny objects (and snacks!), I’ll donate everything collected (less Gofundme fees and charges) to the Southern Poverty Law Center https://www.splcenter.org/ who tracks mentally deficient bigoted ammosexuals like this in the (unlikely) event that maybe, someday, the FBI will get around to doing something about them, rather than peaceful unarmed protestors on the left end of the political spectrum.
47check this out..
http://eastoregon.craigslist.org/rnr/5389920535.html
Sounds like they are chipper and having a great “boys week” out. ps send money.
48