Jade Helm Update

July 16, 2015 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

San Angelo is literally in the middle of nowhere.  The only people who live there arrived by accident or while drunk.  It is just southwest of the River Styx.

So, when Jade Helm came to town, one of the fine citizens of San Angelo decided to warn us.  You’re gonna love this.

 

Cardboard boxes and chainlink, dammit!  Ninjas!

I love this guy.

(Y’all, I know it’s gotten hard to tell satire from reality in Texas but if you’ll notice his daughter is sitting beside him and can’t keep a straight face.  Another guy did an on camera warning and then “took” you to the hill overseeing the troop invasion.  It was those tiny little army guys your kids played with.  He claimed they just looked that way because it was a long way down there.  It’s always good to see cowboys making fun of the rightwing.)

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0 Comments to “Jade Helm Update”


  1. SomedayGirl says:

    I LOL’d. He’s funny as all get out and I hope he keeps up the good rolling, er, work…here’s his first comment after he posted that vid:

    I been awake for 72 hours chugging energy drinks, taking caffeine pills, and chain smoking cigarettes so that I could study Jade Helm from within the hostile zone. Because of all the drone sightings today (disguised as commercial airliners), I was forced to smash my cellphone and throw the internet box with blinky lights into the woods. This story is important, though, so I am at an undisclosed location at my neighbor’s house on the interweb sending this message out to you.

    I been awake for 72 hours chugging energy drinks, taking caffeine pills, and chain smoking cigarettes so that I could study Jade Helm from within the hostile zone. Because of all the drone sightings today (disguised as commercial airliners), I was forced to smash my cellphone and throw the internet box with blinky lights into the woods. This story is important, though, so I am at an undisclosed location at my neighbor’s house on the interweb sending this message out to you.

    https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC6Bn1QSjaLrDMWuWC7pQD-w

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  2. austinhatlady says:

    That was satire, right?

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  3. Old Mayfly says:

    He seems nice, though a trifle overheated. Get that man a deCaf.

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  4. Marcia in CO says:

    Yes, AustinHatLady … total satire spoof!!

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  5. Karen in NM says:

    I hope that Abbott and the tin foil hat crowd see this video. He is spot on. I loved the little baby face that popped up in the back seat. She is in for an interesting ride through life with a Daddy like this.

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  6. I’m speechless. I don’t know what to say.
    I’m hoping this was a joke, I can’t believe that anybody this stupid and paranoid could function doing anything higher than voting republican.
    Somebody should check the drinking water for a paranoia inducing agent.

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  7. Paul Haupt says:

    Wow! This guy is about five cans short of a six pack!
    Hard to believe people like this could pass a driver’s test.

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  8. Juanita Jean says:

    Paul, I’m dead solid certain that he’s making fun of the Jade Helm folks and he was so damn good at it.

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  9. Too funny!

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  10. Hollyanna says:

    He does a great job of ridiculing those damfool conspiracy theorists–maybe a little too convincingly. I can hardly wait for the next update!

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  11. Marge Wood says:

    Grin.

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  12. Sister Artemis says:

    Loved this, and yes, it’s certainly satire. “Cardboard boxes! Ninjas!”

    And I won’t be the first, or last, to say it… but it continually amazes me how hard it’s become to tell satire from the ramblings of the lunatic fringe.

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  13. UmptyDump says:

    This guy needs to take a video outside town at the nearest watermelon patch. I have it on good authority that the government has planted Pod People spores in those patches, where they can grow up hidden among all those big melons! If you think there are a lot of people in rural Texas whose brains have been gobbled up and their craniums inhabited by aliens, just wait another month when all those Pod People grow up and hatch! A word to the wise – stay away and keep your loved ones away from those watermelon patches!

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  14. Marge Wood says:

    I beg your pardon. San Angelo is directly south of the fine city of Sweetwater, and if you drive 80 mph between the two cities youi will get a whompin big speeding ticket even though you didn’t see any cars for miles in any direction. In the middle of nowhere, humph.

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  15. Hilarious, and spot on satire.

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  16. Ellen Childress says:

    Great satire! It’s a shame when people don’t recognize a spoof, and this guy is really good !
    Even better, and this is no spoof at all, ….. in the Dallas Morning News this morning, the people in Bastrop who were interviewed by the DMN reporter were saying, “Jade Helm? What’s that? We don’t have any reason to fuss about it. Maybe those folks at that meeting with the person from the Pentagon were from out of town. Move along. Nothing to see here.” And the New York Times is reporting that folks in west Texas are burying their guns in the ground to hide them from the military who will be taking over their land. Not all of the crazies are from east Texas after all. My husband, who grew up near Abilene, just buried his face in his hands.

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  17. maryelle says:

    Hope this makes it to the Daily Show.

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  18. Linda Phipps says:

    Paul and Diane, bless your hearts, I am not half as sharp as most of the followers here and I knew that. Of course, when I saw it on FB, it had a headline that said it was satire. That helped.

    Ellen Childress, perhaps it was your husband on camera this morning on TV during a military briefing with a Town Hall, with his head in his hands. Did my heart good to see that, with all the others present, sloping foreheads and close set eyes and all.

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  19. Angelo_Frank says:

    I’m quite sure the rest of us live here only because we are on the witness protection program. I hope I see the gentleman who produced the fine video around town so I can shake his hand.

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  20. UmptyDump says:

    When the Jade Helm exercise concludes several weeks from now and all the participants roll up their operation and go home – watch Greg Abbott claim a hero’s credit for sending out the Texas State Guard to monitor the action and prevent the takeover by the Federal Gubmint.

    As Jade Helm proceeds, let’s hear Abbott keep everyone up-to-date about the presence of Texas State Guard personnel as “monitors.”

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  21. This whole thing is very funny; I just hope the idiots don’t impede what the military is try to do.

    When my granddaughter came home from class last night I had her four-year-old son (my great-grandson) decked out in an aluminum foil hat. She about died laughing.

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  22. Diane, he’s gonna tell us all about the water:

    “I will post the latest video from our resistance tomorrow answering many of your questions from the first video and connecting the dots for those of you who still don’t see what is happening. This new video covers everything from the invasion of Christoval, Texas to the proof of the Illuminati involvement and will even cover how China is tainting our water in Texas to control our minds.
    If you love the real America like I do, you need to watch the new video tomorrow and get yourself right.”

    I can’t wait!

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  23. lunargent says:

    I liked the Knights Templar semis.

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  24. Larry from Colorado says:

    I guess he’s never been on an Interstate highway, where Knight transportation trucks are all over!

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  25. BegoniaBuzzkill says:

    Today’s Chattanooga,TN spree killer has been diagnosed by right wing commenters as having ‘Jade Helm Syndrome’ which is why he targeted military recruiters. Sigh.

    Witnesses of the shooting have stated the killer was a white man driving a silver Mustang with the convertible top down …. soon to be known as “mentally ill lone wolf.” Alas, right wing propaganda providers are already convinced it was ISIS or a vengeful “Muzzie” and that the dead are stupid for being in no gun zones <— yeah, they went there.

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  26. Elizabeth Moon says:

    I’m tellin’ ya…this is what happens when there’s no Blue Bell in Texas.

    We’re all (almost all) addicted to it and those who are a little crazy on a lot of Blue Bell go really crazy when they’re cut off.

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  27. austinhatlady says:

    lunargent, I also giggled at Knights Templar!
    Elizabeth Moon, was bemoaning the loss of the Blue Bell single vanilla cups for treating the ladies in the SS class I lead, but then discovered HEB’s Creamy Creations! On a fresh fruit kick right now, but we’ll get around to root beer floats with HEB ice cream later this summer.

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  28. e platypus onion says:

    For a different perspective from a militia leader,please check this out-

    http://www.themudflats.net/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/163826_600.jpg

    There is a fabulous cartoon,too.

    I augered with this guy last year about the need for militias and basically agreed to disagree.

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  29. Linda Phipps says:

    I love that the Illuminati are part of the conspiracy. Perhaps we can dub the denizens of the dark work of paranoia the “Unluminati”.

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  30. Rufus Firefly says:

    This guy is funny as redneck guy here in Alabama speaking on gay marriage. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ja4Z41_8BI

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  31. I hope those people burying their guns for safekeeping (as reported by Ellen Childress in #16) lose track of them, like squirrels with their nuts, and can’t find them to dig them up again.

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  32. two crows says:

    I’m with Juanita Jean on this. HAD to be making fun of the crazies. HAD to! Hilarious as all get out – thanks for the laugh JJ.

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  33. e platypus onion says:

    Operation Jade helm has been officially renamed. See above post from the mudflats. Hilarious. Don’t take my word for it.

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  34. Hollyanna says:

    @JanK, thanks for the link to the tweets–still laughing. Who knew what a rich vein of comedy could be found in routine military exercises. Only in Texas, you say?

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  35. lunargent says:

    Hollyanna – I agree – those were priceless!

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  36. OK I have to tell you all that I had back surgery on Monday.
    I am having a hard time sleeping, in pain and taking drugs.
    Can not tell satire from all out crazy.
    Although, I have seen very real crazy people on home videos!

    Today should be better.

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  37. e platypus onion says:

    Back surgery is no fun. I’ve had a few. Hopefully you will feel better soon. Laughter is the best medicine. And you can find it every hour of every day through wingnuts and it is all free for the taking. 🙂

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  38. Too funny…but, I shared the video with a friend in CA. He immediate reaction was to ask me to move back to CA. He thought it was real……

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  39. Wonder why Jade Helm 1-14 didn’t bother any of these folks?

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  40. lunargent says:

    Been 4 days, and not a peep out of ’em. Guess they were all hit with sleeping gas, knocked out, rounded up, and sent to the camps already.

    At least that’s what they’ll tell the wimmenfolk, when they escape and come back. That won’t explain all the empty Lone Star cans in the pickup bed, though. Or that receipt from an ATM in a Vegas casino.

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