Jade Helm Update
Okay, only because it’s really not a party until Louie Gohmert shows up with the Goofy Keg, Louie weighed in. Of course, he’s very concerned.
Tea party darling Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX) on Tuesday demanded that the U.S. military alter a planned training exercise that some conspiracy theorists believe is cover for a possible takeover of the Lone Star state.
What Louie is demanding they change is the pretend designation that Texas is a pretend hostile pretend county. Because pretending is real close to being dog butt serious.
“Once I observed the map depicting ‘hostile,’ ‘permissive,’ and ‘uncertain’ states and locations, I was rather appalled that the hostile areas amazingly have a Republican majority, ‘cling to their guns and religion,’ and believe in the sanctity of the United States Constitution,” Gohmert said in the statement.
Yeah, that was the plan. And Louie says that just looking at that map would make people suspicious of Texas.
Hellfire, Louie, everybody is already suspicious of Texas, and it has to do with you. Louie, you need to pretend to be sane for a while.
And next we have WalMart.
WalMart issued a statement his morning:
The tunnels are part of a series of conspiracy theories surrounding “Jade Helm 15,” a military training operation set to take place later this year in seven Western states. The conspiracy theorists have said the operation may be part of a covert attempt to takeover Texas and other states.
On more thing. If you watch the Jon Stewart clip, at about 6:58 you see a guy with his head in his hands being the punch line to the insane speakers. You know that guy! Remember when you guys all pitched in and helped Democrats in Bastrop after wildfires ate their homes? And we sent the money to Barbara, the Democratic County Chair in Bastrop? That’s Barbara and her husband! Right there on Jon Stewart!
See, you have friends in high places with their heads in their hands!
The idiocy never stops…..the Repiggery is completely looney-tunes~
1Loopy Louie sure is lucky that I am no longer with air targeting. Or, for sure one of those exercise targets would be called: F-U-Gohmert with smaller targets of opportunity labelled FYL. Dayum, where were these GOP idiots to make a job easier, when it took imagination and tact to name the target locations without offending actual towns or real people?
2Louie-louie can actually read a map? What the hell happened?
As for Wal-Mart, I am sitting here giggling over all the frickin’ consternation going on inside the Walton palace in Arkansas! They are probably figuring that their sales will drop like a calf of a glacier because of all this publicity. Their rural area customers are gonna dry up and disappear faster than the Rapture. Imagine! Their average daily take is gonna shrink! By however much it will cause earthquakes in Waltonville.
3Why are they complaining…..all those construction jobs created making tunnels.
4It took Louie the Louse an awful long time to chime in on this. I am worried that LtL may be suffering from something more serious than the usual derp.
5I have a quick cure for those theories. The Pentagon should call off Jade and immediately start shutting down every single military base in Texas. No Do-overs. Betcha that would get rid of a lot of the crazies that causes so much trouble. Those same types are always complaining about something. A perfect chance to get out of the state with their hides.
6Nevada needs a few more people in their desert. Cliven Bundy could be their first President. That would be a good place for them to start a colony. A colony with NO interference from America. Especially no taxpayers money.
Shucks, it is fun to fantasize as long as you are capable of knowing when to stop and giggle rather than taking guns to town.
Texas would be a decent place to live again.
“a possible takeover of the Lone Star state.”
Would someone please explain to Louie that the United States does not need to take over Texas. We already own Texas. We have owned it since Texas was on the LOSING side in the Civil War. The take over happened 150 years ago. I guess these fools just noticed.
7I. can’t. breathe. too. funny.
8I wondered about the “hostile pocket” of insurgents in the southernmost part of Cali. What’s with that? That represents San Diego and Imperial Counties, both of which went for Obama’s election and re-election. Looney Louie’s logic doesn’t compute.
9Jade Helm. Sounds like the franchise Medieval Times with Samurai Knights. Or a nice bit of Elder Scrolls booty.
10Well done, Juanita.
11Obama Signs Executive Order Removing Texas from Nation
12WASHINGTON – In an effort to calm Texans’ fears about a rumored Pentagon takeover of their state, President Obama today signed an executive order removing Texas from the nation. While the President’s order is expected to face a thicket of legal challenges, an instant poll suggested it was wildly popular, garnering the support of eighty-nine percent of the American people. The harshest criticism of the President’s action came from those who expressed chagrin that he did not choose Arkansas or Alabama, while others warned of a new immigration crisis, as refugees pour into the United States from Austin. More: http://nyr.kr/1jTdlr4
I just watched that TDS clip, and when I saw the fellow with his head in his hand I commented to my husband “hey, look: the only liberal in that crazy town”. Nice to know he’s not all by his lonesome in such a nest O’ loonies.
13I’m not sure how to break it to the conspiracy guys, but most of us out here don’t want to take over the Lone Star state.
If we’re going to take over a state I vote for Hawaii.
14Darn! I was hoping when Louie Gomer finally got around to issuing a Jade Helm 15 statement it would be in front of a video camera…
Written words alone cannot come close to relaying the profound stupidity of this man…
Somebody in Texas poke a video camera in that man’s face and ask the question… Please… Please… Please….
15“Wal-Mart: ‘No Truth To The Rumors’ of tunnels being built to take over Texas” Well, of course that’s what they Would say. .. although what Wal-Mart would want with Texas I can’t imagine…
16There isn’t enough snark in the Universe to do this justice. Reality isn’t just a foreign country to these people, it’s an alternate universe.
17So that’s why Wal-Mart’s parking lots are always full. It’s not what’s IN the store, but what’s UNDER it that pulls them in.
18And where do those tunnels lead? Of course, they empty out in Oregon, that liberal snake pit.
I was sort of hoping those tunnels were the real thing so that I might have a safe haven when the asteroid comes along in September. Lord knows I can’t think of any other reason to be at Walmart.
Redwood: Yes, yes, somebody please put a camera in front of Louie! Most of the time I can’t understand what he’s saying, but I’m always hoping for another asparagus rant.
19https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/move-all-military-bases-and-personnel-state-texas
We Petition the Obama Administration To…
Move all military bases and personnel from the State of Texas.
We Petition the Obama Administration To move all military bases and personnel from the State of Texas.
Texas Governor Greg Abbott’s actions have potentially placed our military personnel and their families in danger.
The actions of Texas governor Greg Abbott demonstrates that that state does not deserve to continue reap the economic benefits of our military bases in that state.
Published Date: May 06, 2015
20My husband is retired Air Force and I’m a public school teacher. Who would have thought we’d be public enemy number 1 on the tin foil hat hate list? Mexico is looking better and better every day.
21New Mexico and Colorado are two party states and both lean Democratic. California is a strong Democratic state.
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