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As JJ pointed out, Alex Jones announced to his sycophants that today Democrats were going to start the second civil war.  I’ve been looking all over for it so I can join in, and just found it.  The battlefield is on The Twitter under the hashtags #secondcivilwarleters and #secondcivilwarletters.  Extreme hilarity has resulted in many casualties against the Redhats.  Here are a few messages from the front:

Of course, I’m adding my own messages from the front.

Enjoy.

We all know Sid Miller, childish Ag commissioner of Texas, is a complete jerk, devoting much of his time to insulting half of Texas’ population and publicly displaying his stupidity on social media.  We also know about his weird obsession with the “Jesus Shot”,  which apparently  maintains whatever feel-good it provides, and his use of taxpayer funds to finance his trips to get those shots.  We also know that he wants to replace healthy food options in schools with deep-fried garbage, and are very familiar with his battle against the non-existent “war on cupcakes” for kids’ birthday parties.  One of his most infuriating habits is posting bullshit on Facebook to foment fake outrage against fictional grievances.

We get all that.  Ol’ Sid is a self-absorbed weirdo with an affection for stuffed animals on the walls of his office and screwy conspiracy theories.  In truth, he is the Sas to Louie Gohmert’s Shay.  Between the two of these clowns, it’s all goofball, all the time, and they regularly compete for the title of National Embarrassment of Texas.

Sid’s latest crusade?  BBQ joints.  Sid, as the self-appointed arbiter of everything animal protein, has decided to defy state law and the governor’s directives to go after…wait for it…your neighborhood BBQ spot.  That’s right, even though the state of Texas has exempted small BBQ places from paying big bucks to certify their scales to weigh BBQ, ol’ Jesus Shot Sid himself has decided that, uncharacteristically, he is the Righteous Protector of BBQ Consumers, prosecuting independent pitmasters over a bullshit rule that he invented for some unknown reason, beyond being able to put his name on some Texas state certification sticker.  You do know that he’s printed stickers to put his name on every gas pump in Texas, right?

The only good news here is that Deep Fryer Sid is being opposed by an actual adult in the 2018 race.  Kim Olson, retired Air Force officer, farmer, and Normal Person, is aggressively campaigning to retire him back to the ranch.  We say, come on, Kim!

Look – We all know that Sid Miller is a gigantic asshole. Like Trump, he loves to piss people off just for the pleasure of pissing people off.  We also know that he is self absorbed, corrupt, and has modeled his behavior as Trump’s Mini Me.  I get all that.  But all that aside, Deepfryer Sid is interfering with the National Business of Texas – BBQ.  And when he does that, he disqualifies himself as not only a true Texan, but more importantly, an actual human being.

Go home, Sid, please stop helping.

Oh yeah, the boys down at the trailer park are talking about boycotting Walmart.

Wanna know why?  Here ya go.

So here’s my thinking.  To boycott Walmart means they’d have money to shop at Walmart which means they have a job.  So, undocumented workers haven’t taken their jobs.  Since they live at the trailer park, you know they have more guns and ammo than the United States Army so they don’t have to worry about undocumented workers being criminals.  So, it’s just racist.  That’s all it is.

But, I guess it could be that they can’t afford Walmart any more since Trump is losing this danged trade war.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.  

In typical fashion to burnish his reputation for gleeful cruelty and dickishness, Trump refused to order the lowering of the US flag on federal buildings to honor the 5 journalists murdered by a lone nut last week.  The request had been made by the Mayor of Annapolis, the governor of Maryland, and the Maryland congressional delegation.  After Trump’s predictable response, the uproar was loud, and getting louder; he finally capitulated this morning.

Jesus, I’m tired.  I’m all out of dickishness patience.

There is a place for anger, and THIS is it.