I’ve heard customers say that everybody Trump touches goes down.  True, but some of them willingly contribute to the trip.

Trump lawyer Rudy Giuliani has completely resigned from his position as an attorney at the law firm of Greenberg Traurig — and it sounds like his old employer has become embarrassed by his disastrous recent cable TV news interviews.

Yeah, it seems that the line that his own firm sometimes acts as a bagman like Cohen did might have done the trick.

Or simply the fact that he doesn’t understand the law.  I dunno. I wouldn’t hire him.

Thanks to SGray for the heads up.

From the website LiveScience we have this headline.

Congress thought they meant illegal aliens.

Boy, do they have egg on their collective congressional faces now!  I’m betting that they thought the bill meant extraterrestrial aliens.

So, congress just voted to spend $10 million to look for ET.

Honey, if they wanted to find alien life forms, all they had to do was take a look at the Speaker of the House.

Last night, after the release of the hostages, Mike Pence said something out loud.  He said it’s time for Mueller to end his investigation.

“In the interests of the country, I think it’s time to wrap it up.” Pence told NBC News following the release of three Americans held by North Korea.

Translated into whatever the hell language men who call their wives Mother speak, that means, “I cannot freekin’ wait to be president!”

The vice president was pressed on the news about millions of dollars in payments from companies to Trump’s personal attorney Michael Cohen. Pence said that was a “private matter” and “something I don’t have any knowledge about.”

No, no it’s not a private matter.  And Pence full damn well knew about it because Trump would have bragged to him about it.

Somebody tell Mike we’re not total idiots.  That would be his friends on the religious right.

By the way, today George Will has some prime comments about Pence, which end with this.

Trump is what he is, a floundering, inarticulate jumble of gnawing insecurities and not-at-all compensating vanities, which is pathetic. Pence is what he has chosen to be, which is horrifying.

Will calls Pence the worst person in government. He may be right.

Novartis, the drug giant, gave Michael Cohen $1.2 million for insight into Trump’s approach to Obamacare.

Then, today …

They gave him money before they knew he was useless?  And they want you to trust them enough to put their drugs in your mouth.  I dunno, y’all.

Plus, if they spend $1.2 on useless people in hopes that they can hike the price of my drugs, then their drugs cost too much to begin with. That’s an obscene amount of money to gamble while people already can’t afford their drugs.

Plus, heck, for $20 and a Dairy Queen gift card, Thelma would have told them that Cohen was useless.  Thelma is an expert on useless men. Give Thelma some money, dammit.

Okay, here I am wondering how many other Trump or Cohen LLC’s are taking bribes / pay to play/ payola / kickbacks other than Essential Consulting.  I mean, the ones we don’t know about yet.

Small Hands (a Subsidiary of Peabrain), LLC

Rebounding Fabrications, LLC

Greasy Palms, LLC

All the Best People, LLC

Pecuniary Exchange, LLC

Tastes Like Russians, LLC

Cup O’ Cash, LLC

Mandatory Consultants, LLC

Have It My Way Experts, LLC

Shell, The Company, LLC (Not Affiliated With Shell Oil and Gas)

Deposit Money Here, LLC

Come on, join in the fun!

Okay, I know there are a mess of screwy things happening today, but pause for a minute and ponder this one.

DNC data director Seth Rich was murdered in a botched robbery in the summer of 2016 in Washington, DC.

Seth Rich

Fox news immediately saw a giant conspiracy to have Rich killed by Hillary Clinton to keep him from leaking information about God only knows what.

Two months ago, Seth Rich’s parents filed a lawsuit against Fox News, saying that Fox “intentionally exploited” their son’s death “through lies, misrepresentations and half-truths.”

The parents of Seth Rich filed a lawsuit against Fox News for their outrageous false reporting on the death of their son being part of some conspiracy dreamed up by Hillary Clinton.

In a motion filed Monday asking a court for the dismissal of the lawsuit filed by the parents of Seth Rich, Fox News made quite a stunning claim. The network said that while the parents might assert the now-retracted story caused them pain, “other readers might well consider their son to be a hero” because its story portrayed him as a patriotic “whistleblower” fighting supposed corruption at the DNC.

Yeah, that really happened.  Fox News, who has retracted the original story, says the parents should be proud because Fox painted him as a hero.

So it’s okay to falsely report something as news, inflict pain on a grieving family, and be wrong wrong triple wrong as long as the story advances your nobel cause.  In fact, the parents probably owe Fox a deep thank you for exploiting their son.

I’m going nuts.