I rarely tell tales about my fabulous redheaded grandson, but this one seems appropriate now.  He had just turned two when his Uncle’s birthday party was at a fancy restaurant.  I had promised him cake and he was not going to let me off the hook.  When the cake arrived he was gloriously amazed.  “Gigi,” he said in amazement, “it’s cake AND it’s chocolate.” Until that moment he thought all cake was vanilla and all chocolate was M&Ms, but here were the two favorite things all in one.  It was adorable because he’s, you know, two years old.

Now I take you to Donald Trump, who is supposedly older than two years old.

He’s describing the night he took ole Syria down.

I was sitting at the table.  We had finished dinner.  We’re now having dessert.  And we had the most beautiful piece of chocolate cake that you’ve ever seen and President Xi was enjoying it.

And I was given the message from the generals that the ships are locked and loaded, what do you do?

And we made a determination to do it, so the missiles were on the way.  And I said, Mr. President, let me explain something to you.  This was during dessert.

We’ve just fired 59 missiles, all of which hit, by the way, unbelievable, from, you know, hundreds of miles away, all of which hit, amazing.

It’s so incredible. It’s brilliant. It’s genius.

And that wasn’t even the looniest thing he said in the interview.

And yes, by the way, they all hit. The ground. They all hit the ground but not much else.

Amidst sexual harassment settlements and sponsors dropping like flies, Bill O’Reilly announced last night that he’s going on a long-planned vacation. Right. Looks like, after years of spewing nonsense and lies, Billo’s meal ticket just ran out. Will he come back?  If he goes the way of Glenn Beck, the answer is no.

Even at Fox Noise, when ratings and ad revenue cease to override the downside of keeping hate spewing bigots on national television, the spewers get the bum’s rush.

In case you’ve forgotten, here’s one of Billo’s all time career highlights:

Joe Wilson was speaking at a town hall and his audience give him a taste of his own medicine.

U.S. Rep. Joe Wilson received some protests Monday like other Republican congressmen nationwide during town halls this year, getting drowned out at times with loud boos and receiving 30 seconds of “You Lie” chants.

How the hell is this guy still in the House?

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

Okay, so today Sean Spicer wanted us to understand the evil perpetrated by Assad.  Because, you know, the pictures weren’t enough.

So Sean says the attack was especially awful, “because even Adolf Hitler didn’t use chemical weapons in World War II.”

Yeah, wrong.

So then he tries to explain …

“I think when you come to sarin gas, there was no, he was not using the gas on his own people the same way that Assad is doing … there was not in the — he brought them into the Holocaust center, I understand that, but I’m saying in that the way that Assad used them, where he went into towns, dropped them down, to innocent, into the middle of towns, it was brought, the use of it.”

So then he feels the need to clean that one up, too, so after the press conference, he issues a statement.

“I was trying to draw contrast of the tactic of using airplanes to drop chemical weapons on population centers.”

Because one is way worse than the other.

No, wait.  I’m pretty sure he’s gonna say something else. He just can’t help himself.

What the hell is a Holocaust center?

Ryan Zinke, the new Secretary of the Interior, used to be the congressman from Montana.

He was nominated right off the bat by Trump last December, but wasn’t confirmed until March 1st.  So, Zinke gets a campaign contribution to the Zinke Victory Fund from Big Sky Mineral Resources.

Corporate contributions are illegal on the federal level. If you receive an illegal contribution you’re supposed to “disgorge” or surrender it to the U.S. Treasury because it is the proceeds of a crime.

So Zinke wrote us a check for $1,000, which almost will pay for 90 seconds of Melania Trump’s New York security detail.

Hey, Zinke, every little bit helps.

Well, at least we now have a handbag designer making our foreign policy decisions instead of a whacked-out egomaniac.