My beginning of the first day of the new, uh…urp, president’s term began appropriately – after a restless few hours of sleep, I was jolted out of bed at 3 am with a gigantic charley horse in my left leg.  Blissful sleep this night was not to be.  So, I dragged my weary self down the stairs, made my morning tea and opened my iPad.  JJJJEEEEEZZZZZZUUUUUSSSSS.  The first story is about how the FBI, the NSA, and the CIA are using intercepted communications to investigate Cheeto Jesus’s advisors’ ties to the Russians.  Several of CJ’s close advisors are under the microscope.

Then there’s the story about how CJ wanted tanks and missile launchers in the inaugural parade.  No, really, this idiot actually wanted a North Korean and Russian style parade.  Mercifully, the Pentagon said no, but caved on his demand for flyovers of aircraft from all the branches of the military.  This is the first time a flyover has been done since Harry Truman’s inaugural parade in 1949.

Then there’s the story that this transition was so poorly managed that dozens of Obama appointees were asked to stay until His Orangeness gets off Twitter long enough to hire the rest of his WH staff. Of the 660 staff he needs to appoint, he’s only filled 29 positions.

Then there’s the story about the Cheeto Interrussian Hotel that has already become an ethical minefield, and is now ground zero for those wishing favors from the new, uh…urp, president by holding huge events there, thus pouring more money into his pockets.

Then there’s the announcement by CJ that his 2020, uh…urp, reelection bid slogan is “Keep America Great”, which just so happens to be identical to the tag line of a horror movie from last year, The Purge, Election Year.  That’s right, dear customers, Cheeto Jesus just plagiarized his next campaign motto from a horror flick about election night.  You just can’t make up this stuff.

Then there’s the story about Reince Preibus ordering new staffers to not talk to CJ without his prior permission.  Oh, and to stay off social media.

BBBBBBBBBUUUUUUUAAAAAAHHHHAAAAA!  The irony just seeps out of this one.

This promises to be a dark day.  I’m seeing Ms. Jefe off this morning to raise hell in the Women’s March on Washington, then I’m going to start drinking.  After all, if you don’t start early, you can’t drink all day.

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Clay Bennett, Chattanooga Times Free Press

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It’s late and my computer has already gone to bed, but the New York Times is breaking a damn big story.

Have fun!

The alleged President Elect, Donald Trump, had a doozy last night while speaking at the Pence dinner. Has anybody noticed that he’s starting to speak in Twitter phrases?

First of all, his speech was a series of stabs at everyone he thinks doesn’t give him proper respect, including Pence.

Mr. Trump lauded Mr. Pence in a roughly 25-minute speech, but poked at him for declining to endorse his candidacy in the primary in Indiana, where he was governor, instead backing Senator Ted Cruz of Texas. “The fact that every donor he had was in favor of” Mr. Cruz played no role in the decision, Mr. Trump said sarcastically, according to a recording provided by a guest.

But my personal favorite was his contention that he’s head of a “movement.”

“There hasn’t been anything like this since Andrew Jackson,” Mr. Trump quoted his admirers saying. “Andrew Jackson? What year was Andrew Jackson? That was a long time ago.”

Yes, he finally remembered the date but what I think he forgot is that Jackson gets the blame for the Panic of 1837, which lead to a four year recession.

He also forgot that Jackson is considered the founder of the Democratic Party.

Private school education, what can I say?

Please see this quote from Mitch McConnell, complaining that Democrats aren’t rubber stamping Trump’s nominees.

Well well, cowboy, you sat on a Supreme Court appointment for a damn year.

So, out of 19 nominees, three of them are minorities – Elaine Chou, Nikki Haley, and Ben Carson. Whoop-de-damn-doo.  And 4 of them are hooter-toters, but two of those are also part of the three minorities.

The way I figure it, there are 15 white males that need sitting on and Betsy DeVos hardly counts a human, much less a woman.

Thanks to Don A for the heads up.

Welcome to Juanita Jean’s new Translation Services for Trump Supporters.  Give us any Trump supporter tweet and we’ll translate it to English for you.

This morning’s work product:

Snowflake are what they call you and me, which is terribly ironic considering they are the white ones. And obviously, Snowflake is both the single and plural form of this word.

Obama let a trader go.  Of course he did. Trading is not illegal.

By the way, Tomi Lahren is a young Ann Coulter with a screeching voice who has a webcast on The Blaze.