As you have heard by now, Texas Republicans want to vote on a resolution at their convention in June that says Texas ought to bygawd secede from the United Damn States of America.

I am here to tell you that the Republican National convention is gonna be hotter than a hoochy-koochy dancer on Saturday night in a Del Rio.  You should be able to fry bacon on the heads of three-fourths of the delegates.

My position is that we ought to let them secede … and move to Utah and start themselves another of those church things.  You know, where the intermarry and never get elected President.

One of my paying jobs this month was to talk about the Texas GOP convention.

Enjoy!

Uh, y’all, he’s talking about me.

Louie has it all figured out.  He got on the electric radio and announced that “a lot of the hippies and the troublemakers from the ‘60s and the early ‘70s” figured out that instead of “blowing up the Pentagon or blowing up police cars,” they could become teachers at the university level and then “teach the teachers” to teach our kids.  And that’s how we got socialism in America.

https://soundcloud.com/rightwingwatch/gohmert-the-hippies-and-the-troublemakers-are-taking-over

Thanks to Monty for the heads up.

Take a look at this list of famous (and not-so-famous) Americans, and tell me what they have in common (in historical chronological order): Pocahontas, George Washington, Alexander Hamilton, John Marshall, Stephen Decatur, Andrew Jackson, James Garfield, Hugh McCulloch, Daniel Manning and Grover Cleveland.

Give up? Discounting the allegorical figures of “Goddess Victory” and “Lady Liberty,” Pocahontas is the only actual woman to be honored, as these men listed were also honored, by a portrait on a $20 note of US currency.  Actually, the 1840 painting of her baptism, with her future husband looking on, was featured on the 1865 bill, so it was more a triumph of white Christian paternalism over “red” “heathen” womanhood, rather than a celebration of her life.

Pocahontas gets “white-washed” – click to bigify

The Moses of her People, Harriet Tubman: Slave, Scout, Spy, Badass

Andrew Jackson on the front, with the White House on the back, has been the design of the $20 bill since the 1920s.

But now, thanks to the miracle of modern historical research, combined with a surprising resurgence of popularity for Alexander Hamilton on the $10 (thanks to a popular and ungodly-expensive-to-get-into Broadway musical), further combined with a healthy dose of “it’s about freakin’ time!” Harriet Tubman is going to replace the misogynistic, racist, genocidal, cranky, touchy, feudy 7th President as the note of choice in every ATM in America.

I think they ought to use this picture. 

I have stayed coy about who I support for President, but I have a confession to make: I have been sad since Elizabeth Warren said she wouldn’t run.

Here’s why.

Ted Cruz send out a whiny fundraising letter about all the sacrifices he’s making to run for President. He whines about no sleep, no time with family, health care is limited, relatively little access to porn, can’t smoke dope … okay, I made some of that up, but you get the picture.

Elizabeth Warren responded on Twitter:  “Two words – boo hoo.”

And then she set about ripping Cruz to shreds.  She took each of his complaints and brought them home in the light of day.

Ted’s obviously never been to boot camp, taught kindergarten, hosted a teenage sleepover, mowed his own damn yard in Houston summer, or carried his own plate to the kitchen, dammit.

Right now, I am watching the teevee where the National Guard is rescuing people trapped in their homes.  They have to walk through overflowing sewers to do it.  Shuddup, Ted.  Just shut the hell up.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

CNN Breaking News this morning:

A Michigan judge has authorized criminal charges against three people in connection with the Flint water crisis, Genesee County prosecutor David Leyton said Wednesday.

They are Flint utilities administrator Mike Glasgow, and Stephen Busch and Mike Prysby of the Michigan Department of Environmental Quality, Leyton said. Leyton did not say what the charges are.

Hw about maiming and killing people?  How ’bout that charge?

It was the State of Michigan who decided to switch the source of the water.

… in early 2014, with the city under the control of an emergency manager appointed by Gov. Rick Snyder (R), officials switched to Flint River water as part of a money-saving measure. But the state’s environmental quality agency failed to ensure that corrosion-control additives were part of the new water supply.

Rick Snyder?

“Snyder and his administration failed to act even after “suggestions to do so by senior staff members in the Governor’s office.”

More indictments damn well better be on the way.

Donald Trump won big in New York last night, and he had this to say …

Donald Trump said that he’s confident he’ll secure the GOP nomination on the first ballot but cautioned that there would be “unbelievable turmoil” if someone else left the convention as the nominee, Politico reports.

Said Trump: “I think if the millions of people that came out to vote for me are disenfranchised, I think there’s gonna be unbelievable turmoil.”

I don’t know so much about the turmoil.  I’m pretty sure that Trump supports don’t know what turmoil is.

Unbelievable? Yeah, I’ll go with the unbelievable part.

Trump also said that Paul Ryan isn’t going to run because he’s scared that Trump’s people won’t vote for him.  Obviously, from past experience, a whole lot of people won’t vote for Ryan.

Last night someone called me and said they were anxiously looking forward to Donald Trump, Chris Christie, and Sarah Palin all traveling around together to campaign because that, indeed, will be unbelievable turmoil.

And, in related news, his airplane has been flying with an expired registration.  Yeah, he could recycle all the whining he’s done about Republican Convention rules to use with the FAA.

The F.A.A. could also fine or assess other penalties against the owner, the operator or both; Mr. Trump owns the plane through a limited liability company. Though it is unlikely that the agency would seek the maximum penalty, flying with no registration could result in a civil penalty of up to $27,500, a criminal fine of up to $250,000 and imprisonment for up to three years, it said.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.