Take a look at this list of famous (and not-so-famous) Americans, and tell me what they have in common (in historical chronological order): Pocahontas, George Washington, Alexander Hamilton, John Marshall, Stephen Decatur, Andrew Jackson, James Garfield, Hugh McCulloch, Daniel Manning and Grover Cleveland.

Give up? Discounting the allegorical figures of “Goddess Victory” and “Lady Liberty,” Pocahontas is the only actual woman to be honored, as these men listed were also honored, by a portrait on a $20 note of US currency.  Actually, the 1840 painting of her baptism, with her future husband looking on, was featured on the 1865 bill, so it was more a triumph of white Christian paternalism over “red” “heathen” womanhood, rather than a celebration of her life.

Pocahontas gets “white-washed” – click to bigify

The Moses of her People, Harriet Tubman: Slave, Scout, Spy, Badass

Andrew Jackson on the front, with the White House on the back, has been the design of the $20 bill since the 1920s.

But now, thanks to the miracle of modern historical research, combined with a surprising resurgence of popularity for Alexander Hamilton on the $10 (thanks to a popular and ungodly-expensive-to-get-into Broadway musical), further combined with a healthy dose of “it’s about freakin’ time!” Harriet Tubman is going to replace the misogynistic, racist, genocidal, cranky, touchy, feudy 7th President as the note of choice in every ATM in America.

I think they ought to use this picture. 

I have stayed coy about who I support for President, but I have a confession to make: I have been sad since Elizabeth Warren said she wouldn’t run.

Here’s why.

Ted Cruz send out a whiny fundraising letter about all the sacrifices he’s making to run for President. He whines about no sleep, no time with family, health care is limited, relatively little access to porn, can’t smoke dope … okay, I made some of that up, but you get the picture.

Elizabeth Warren responded on Twitter:  “Two words – boo hoo.”

And then she set about ripping Cruz to shreds.  She took each of his complaints and brought them home in the light of day.

Ted’s obviously never been to boot camp, taught kindergarten, hosted a teenage sleepover, mowed his own damn yard in Houston summer, or carried his own plate to the kitchen, dammit.

Right now, I am watching the teevee where the National Guard is rescuing people trapped in their homes.  They have to walk through overflowing sewers to do it.  Shuddup, Ted.  Just shut the hell up.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

CNN Breaking News this morning:

A Michigan judge has authorized criminal charges against three people in connection with the Flint water crisis, Genesee County prosecutor David Leyton said Wednesday.

They are Flint utilities administrator Mike Glasgow, and Stephen Busch and Mike Prysby of the Michigan Department of Environmental Quality, Leyton said. Leyton did not say what the charges are.

Hw about maiming and killing people?  How ’bout that charge?

It was the State of Michigan who decided to switch the source of the water.

… in early 2014, with the city under the control of an emergency manager appointed by Gov. Rick Snyder (R), officials switched to Flint River water as part of a money-saving measure. But the state’s environmental quality agency failed to ensure that corrosion-control additives were part of the new water supply.

Rick Snyder?

“Snyder and his administration failed to act even after “suggestions to do so by senior staff members in the Governor’s office.”

More indictments damn well better be on the way.

Donald Trump won big in New York last night, and he had this to say …

Donald Trump said that he’s confident he’ll secure the GOP nomination on the first ballot but cautioned that there would be “unbelievable turmoil” if someone else left the convention as the nominee, Politico reports.

Said Trump: “I think if the millions of people that came out to vote for me are disenfranchised, I think there’s gonna be unbelievable turmoil.”

I don’t know so much about the turmoil.  I’m pretty sure that Trump supports don’t know what turmoil is.

Unbelievable? Yeah, I’ll go with the unbelievable part.

Trump also said that Paul Ryan isn’t going to run because he’s scared that Trump’s people won’t vote for him.  Obviously, from past experience, a whole lot of people won’t vote for Ryan.

Last night someone called me and said they were anxiously looking forward to Donald Trump, Chris Christie, and Sarah Palin all traveling around together to campaign because that, indeed, will be unbelievable turmoil.

And, in related news, his airplane has been flying with an expired registration.  Yeah, he could recycle all the whining he’s done about Republican Convention rules to use with the FAA.

The F.A.A. could also fine or assess other penalties against the owner, the operator or both; Mr. Trump owns the plane through a limited liability company. Though it is unlikely that the agency would seek the maximum penalty, flying with no registration could result in a civil penalty of up to $27,500, a criminal fine of up to $250,000 and imprisonment for up to three years, it said.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

Yeah, Texas, of course damn Texas.

There’s a guy in Texas by the name of Chris Sevier.  Severe is suing Harris County and the State of Texas because they won’t let him marry his Mac computer.

He’s perfectly serious.  He’s trying to overturn Obergefell, the ruling that allowed same gender marriage in Texas.  And he’s using his love for his Mac to do it.  I guess every damn goat in Brenham turned him down.

He is trying to prove that, essentially, marriage between a same-sex couple can be equated to marriage between a man and a machine. He is trying to prove that, under Obergefell v. Hodges, the landmark U.S. Supreme Court case that legalized same-sex marriage, people are now allowed to do morally disgusting things like marry whomever they are attracted to, whether that be inanimate objects or the same gender.

So, he’s giving the courts an ultimatum – If Rick can marry Bob, surely I can marry Connie the Computer.

And if you wonder why he picked a laptop instead of …. oh, I dunno, a tractor? … there might be some clues in this lawsuit that he filed against Apple in 2013.  In the lawsuit, he says he “loves Apple,” but wants stop Apple from selling computers that show pornography.

Damn Apple, forcing you to look at porn.

Thanks to John for the heads up.

Texas Agriculture Commissioner Sid Miller wakes up every morning and wonders, “What can I do today to piss off the entire Texas hairdressing community?”

His choice today was this:

At a cost of $91,000, Ole Sid has decided to increase the font size of his name on every damn gas pump in Texas.  Every damn one of them.  Hell, that’s better advertising than every neon Lone Star Beer sign in every honky tonk in Lampasas.

And even though Ole Sid asked for a $50 million dollar budget increase for his office,  which was promptly denied by the legislature, he wants the taxpayers to know that you cannot blame him for taxes.  He wants people to know that he doesn’t set taxes, the Congress and the State Legislature do because the people are stoopid.

You know what would have been better on the gas pump sign?  This thing nobody bothered to tell me until about 6 months ago:

Thanks to Big Mike for the heads up.