Y’all, I do not know what is wrong with Paul LePage but, seriously, somebody needs to check him for a brain tumor.

His latest?  We should not raise the minimum wage because … (deep breath) people from Bulgaria and India are hard to  understand.

Maine’s Republican governor says it’s hard to understand workers “from Bulgaria” and workers from India are “the worst ones.”

The governor said Saturday that foreign workers are being used in restaurants after he criticized a referendum proposal to raise Maine’s minimum wage to $12. He says he’s disappointed his alternative proposal to hike the wage to $10 didn’t get traction.

Look, I don’t like being mean so I’ll call this a helpful suggestion:  LePage, the damn last thing you need is to be understood by a waiter in a restaurant.

But, hey, I kinda appreciate what he’s saying.  It’s really hard for me to understand LePage.  I mean, I know he’s talking English and I get that.  I understand all the words he’s saying.  I just don’t think he does.

Thelma has a theory.  “Just look at a map,” she explains. “Maine is way the hell up there.  I mean, the air has gotta be thinner than here, right?”

Maybe.  At least it’s the best explanation I’ve heard.

Good Ole Mitch McConnell.  He’s decided that the last thing Republicans should talk about is Republicans.

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell is urging Republican delegates to focus on a single politician: Barack Obama.

McConnell focused nearly all of his speech during Saturday’s Kentucky Republican Convention on opposing the outgoing Democratic president. Not mentioned were any of the potential Republican alternatives, who are embroiled in a nasty fight over delegates heading into a possible chaotic national convention this summer.

Well, the way I see it, there’s a loophole in that reasoning.  Can you figure it out?

Look, I can’t blame McConnell.  In fact, Republicans are the last thing I wanna talk about, too.

Okay, there is a woman in Indiana who is convinced that Jesus is inside her uterus.  She has photographic proof.

According to Meyer, she didn’t notice the holy apparition until a friend pointed it out when she showed it off at her baby shower.

“She said, ‘Do you see this, it looks like Jesus,” Meyer recalled.

Meyer said, after blowing up the picture, more details became apparent.

“You can see the hair and his legs crossed and everything,” said Meyer.

Had this woman lived in Texas, her ultrasound would have shown Republican members of the State Legislature inside her uterus, where they have been trying to get for several years now.

It would look something like this one —

Thanks to Bryan for the heads up.

I was present in the courtroom for the Tom DeLay punishment phase of his trial.  The only character witness he had was Dennis Hastert, which seems ironic now, right?

Well, Tom returned the favor and testified as to Hartert being a fine Christian man who prayed alone with Tom and one minister every week and they were intimate.

According to Tom, if you love the Lord, you’re a good man no matter what you do.  Saying that you love the Lord, even when you don’t, counts, too.

DeLay’s crook to crook letter.

Other congressmen also sent letters supportive of Hastert.  They argue that he is old and sick so we should show mercy to him.  Yep, the same guys who voted to impeach Bill Clinton think Dennis Hartert is a good man.

As you have heard by now, Texas Republicans want to vote on a resolution at their convention in June that says Texas ought to bygawd secede from the United Damn States of America.

I am here to tell you that the Republican National convention is gonna be hotter than a hoochy-koochy dancer on Saturday night in a Del Rio.  You should be able to fry bacon on the heads of three-fourths of the delegates.

My position is that we ought to let them secede … and move to Utah and start themselves another of those church things.  You know, where the intermarry and never get elected President.

One of my paying jobs this month was to talk about the Texas GOP convention.

Enjoy!

Uh, y’all, he’s talking about me.

Louie has it all figured out.  He got on the electric radio and announced that “a lot of the hippies and the troublemakers from the ‘60s and the early ‘70s” figured out that instead of “blowing up the Pentagon or blowing up police cars,” they could become teachers at the university level and then “teach the teachers” to teach our kids.  And that’s how we got socialism in America.

https://soundcloud.com/rightwingwatch/gohmert-the-hippies-and-the-troublemakers-are-taking-over

Thanks to Monty for the heads up.