Republican Presidential hopeful and United States Senator Marco Rubio either speaks a different language than I do or operates in an entirely alternate universe.  Could be either or both.

Rubio has been making stump speeches railing against the spending package as a “massive, grotesque piece of legislation.”  Goodness sake, you’d think we were killing kittens with the way he talks.

But, hell, it’s only talk, and Rubio is real good at talk.  Ask him to walk and he stumbles.

When CBS News asked him why he didn’t bother to go vote against the spending package …

Asked why he wouldn’t make his point about the spending package by physically being on Capitol Hill, Rubio said his message was clear.

“In essence, not voting for it, is a vote against it,” said Rubio.

Uh, wanna ‘splain that to me again?   That’s not how math works.  I’m pretty sure of that.

And what makes this eye-roll weird is that the day before, he was on Fox News  …

Rubio’s absence from the Senate on Friday was a bit surprising because he suggested on Fox News’ “Happening Now” a day earlier that he could try and slow down the spending package and interfere with the process leading up to the final vote.

“We can most certainly slow this process down and force them to go back and make changes to it. There’s no doubt that we can and we should and we will,” he said.

I dunno if he was drunk or lost but he didn’t show up.  And it was after he promised to show up and spit in the punch bowl.

I’m betting on lost.  Bless his heart, not only is her lost, he’s losing to a wild man.

As we head into Holy Season, I do believe that several Christians have sleigh bells up their butts.

Look here –

Two New Mexico lawmakers have pre-filed a bill that would give state business owners the right to refuse business to gay, lesbian and transgender people and their families on the basis of religious freedom. Republican Reps. David Gallegos and Nora Espinoza are the sponsors of the bill, HB55.

Okay, what religion says it’s holy to discriminate against someone?  Oh right, fundamentalism.

Lookie here at his part in case you missed it: “and their families.”  Thanks a bunch, Donald Trump.

Y’all, this is weird.

Thanks to Brian for the heads up.

Georgia, Y’all.

According to Albany Police, there was an accidental shooting around 4 a.m. Sunday.

Thomas Strickland explained after officials arrived that he sleeps with a handgun in his bed for protection, and that he accidentally shot himself early Sunday morning when he thought someone was in his home.

Point the gun the other direction, Tom.

Also, next time you might try sleeping with a girl.  They’re just as dangerous as just as likely to embarrass you, but at least they’re warm.

Y’all, Lindsey Graham “suspended” his presidential quest to pursue his true love, a Youtube channel with advice for the lovelorn.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4k44NsbT-Zw

We will miss him from the children’s debate table, which will now consist of Mike Huckabee and Rick Santorum.  That means that in the future the second tier debates will consist of two guys hitting each other over the head with Bibles.  And bad ties.  Really bad ties.

When Jeb! Bush was asked how if felt to be the front runner and then fall to 3%, he responded.

“I hated that. I feel much better back here.”

Oh dear, Honey, it’s tough being the little brother.  And sad.

I bet that family still makes him sit at the Non-Presidential table for Christmas dinner.  They might even let Dick Cheney come over and shoot him in the face just for entertainment.

Thanks to Tee for the heads up.

As you read here, New Mexico Governor and Stinkin’ Chairwoman of the Republican Governor’s Association, Susana Martinez, got grass-hugging, snot-slinging drunk and made quite the scene at a nice hotel.

Well, the bad part about getting drunk is that you eventually sober up.

“I want to apologize for the conduct of my staff the night of our holiday party,” she wrote. “There was apparently a party in a hotel room earlier in the night that was disruptive. Someone was also throwing snowballs from a balcony. None of that should have happened and I was not aware of the extent of the behavior, until recently. And that behavior is not acceptable.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, cowgirl.  Throwing your staff under the bus is really uncool.

But, she’s not finished.

“I also want to admit that I made a mistake when I went to speak to the receptionist and asked her about the complaint. I should not have gotten involved in trying to resolve the situation, nor should I have spoken to the dispatcher on the phone. I was wrong to speak with them like that, and I apologize.”

Like what, Honey?  Like drunk?

Apparently not.

In an appearance on the Albuquerque television station KOB-TV’s Friday evening newscast, the governor said she was “absolutely not” trying to abuse her power as governor.

Martinez told KOB that she had 1 1/2 cocktails over four or five hours at the party.

So, she acts like a drunk obnoxious nincompoop all the time?  Is that what she’s saying?

Look, I’m no political consultant or anything, but I think she would have been much better off saying, “Hell, I was so drunk that I thought I was the queen of damn England.”  I mean, you can fix drunk.  Butthole ain’t something you can fix so easily.