Okay, so today this happened in Texas.

State health investigators on Thursday served subpoenas for records at Planned Parenthood offices in San Antonio, Dallas and Houston, according to two people with knowledge of the investigation but who are not authorized to speak publicly about it.

The investigators were seeking hundreds of pages of information, from patient records to employee home addresses, involving 10 Planned Parenthood facilities across the state, said Sarah Wheat, an organization official in Austin.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait just a damn minute.

The state has a right to my medical records?

Now get this. This is the guys serving subpoenas in San Antonio.

They sent men to get these records?

Oh yeah, this is about as legitimate as a $30 Kate Spade purse.

On Monday, the lead investigator at the Texas Health and Human Services Commission sent letters informing all of the state’s Planned Parenthood affiliates that they were being dropped as a Medicaid health care provider.

The government men say they are investigating the misuse of Medicare funds for abortions.

I am kinda surprised the guys pictured above weren’t wearing combat gear.  The war of women just got a nuke.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

I didn’t watch the OJ trial but I am watching this off and on.

Sometimes I get so mad, I have to walk away before my hair catches on fire.

I do have NERF balls to throw at the teevee.

I never make fun of someone’s personal appearance unless it is perfectly obvious that they are doing something to make themselves look weird.  Trey Gowdy.

Who does his hair?  Why do they hate him?

Well, well, well, it seems like the senior Cruz, who believes his son is the fulfillment of prophecy, lies about his background.

And the man who is essentially an itinerant preacher appears to have wildly exaggerated his ministerial credentials. Consider the Rev. Rafael B. Cruz’s frequently cited biography, as it appears on the Great American Speakers booking website.

He led people to believe that he was associated with Benny Hinn, the faith healer. Suzanne Hinn says no.

He says he’s pastor at a church in Dallas but the church doesn’t know that.

He says he studied at the Advanced Bible College, a place that doesn’t exist.

The Kingdom Translations Services he claims to own is just him.  It’s located at an apartment in Dallas.  His apartment.

Now I know it seems weird and maybe even heretical for a man of God to lie about what he does all day and night.  He’s going to hell, y’all.

I’m trying to decide if Ben Carson has a brain tumor.  If he doesn’t, then here are your possibilities:

1. Brain surgery isn’t as hard as we first thought.

2. He stole that surgical outfit and took a picture.

3. They let a really dumb guy perform surgery.

4. He’s a brain surgery idiot savant.

Ben’s latest is that, unlike his fellow Republicans, he would keep the Department of Education.  That sounds really good until he says why.

“I actually have something I would use the Department of Education to do.

It would be to monitor our institutions of higher education for extreme political bias and deny funding if it exists.”

In Ben’s mind, extreme political bias is the teaching of Sir Issac Newton. Gravity. Damn Shakespeare. History of any sort before Ronald Reagan.

And all employees of the Department of Education under Carson would be named Bubba or Bobbie Sue, be from Aladamnbama, and be high themselves.

Pat Wayman lives in Florida and she’s got a plan.

Pat is all excited to get herself some power so she can do some damn good.  She and her friend Steven R. Fields are cooking up some revolution as they serve on the county charter commission.

The pair have voted to establish a “people’s common law grand jury,” which sovereign citizens and other anti-government extremists have proposed to investigate and prosecute government officials for treason — which, as they frequently point out, carries a potential death penalty.

“Take a look at the French Revolution and what took place there,” said Mike Bolam, who has attended charter review board meetings to support the common law grand juries.

Yeah, what’s the use of having all these guns if you’re not gonna shoot them at your neighbors?

According to Pat, 25 citizens can meet in private and form their own grand jury.

“A people’s common law grand jury can, without any probable cause, go into any nook or cranny of government — local, state or federal — research anything that’s going on and root out corruption. We want the government to recognize the contract we call the constitution, and start obeying the law. It’s very simple.”

You know, that sounds more like the Salem Witch Trials than the French Revolution.

Here’s Pat’s big target according to her Facebook page.

Yep, Ole Pat claims that her county can meet in secret, indict Obama for murder and execute him before dinner time.

She ain’t even from Texas.

Thanks to Carol for the heads up.  

In case you haven’t heard, Texas is all the rage in Norway.

Helt Texas is a slang phrase in Norway meaning, you guessed it, totally crazy.

“In Norwegian, ‘texas’ means mayhem and chaos, as in cowboys punching each other and breaking chairs over each other’s heads.”

Need examples?

Describing a crazy soccer match at an online sports journal.

Or maybe this …

However, I believe they shouldn’t stop there.  Texas can also mean …

He Did Not Keep Us Safe.

Or maybe …

I Smoke The Marijuana.

Texas can also mean …

Texas: a verb meaning “I kiss Donald Trump’s ass.”

Don’t stop there….

Texas: pathetic adjective meaning “Men with Small Winkies.”

Here’s one meaning of Texas —

Dumber than damn Rick Perry

Norway needs to stop by here and get their hair done.  They are selling Texas short with such a limited meaning.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.