There’s been so much news today that I thought this might slip under the radar and since it’s golden and shiny and covered in glitter, I did not want you to miss it.

A county clerk in Kentucky who was briefly jailed for refusing to issue marriage licenses to gay couples said on Friday that she and her family have switched to the Republican Party because the Democrats no longer represented them.

Rowan County Clerk Kim Davis, 50, who has said her beliefs as an Apostolic Christian prevent her from issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples, said they had changed parties last week. She was a long-time Democrat in eastern Kentucky.

That was a load off Democrat’s back, Honey.  Kim, y’all have fun with Ted Cruz, Mike Huckabee, and every southern family with a washing machine on the front porch.  Let’s see how long it’s gonna be until they invite you to the country club, sweetie.  Don’t hold your breath now, ya hear?

by Primo Encarnación y Hachecristo

House Speaker John Boehner (R-Nowheresville) has announced his resignation from Congress as of the end of next month.  Citing the “courage and far-sightedness of Scott Walker,” Boehner says he is stepping aside as Speaker of the House and resigning from Congress so as to lead it from a non-leadership position.

“Look, we’ve screwed this Republican Party thing up royally.  The long path from Richard Nixon’s Silent Majority, through Ronald Reagan’s Moral Majority, to George Bush’s Gerrymandered Majority has led us here,” well-known political has-been Boehner said.  “We took every crank, Jeebus freak, moron, nutjob, racist, sexist and ammosexual and told them that actually their pathologies were patriotism, just so that they would vote for us and against their economic self-interest.”

“Who knew that if you empowered the delinquents on the short-bus, eventually they were going to want to drive it,” well-known weeper Boehner said, a wistful tear in his eye.  “The experiment has escaped the laboratory.”

After the Tea Party metastasized, it was only a matter of time before their scorched earth philosophy came into conflict with the oligarchy wing of the party.  “’Compromise’ is a dirty word, a communist word, an anti-Jesus word,” said Senator Ted Cruz, well-known political arsonist.  “The tyranny of the majority, the oppression of reality, the fascism of democracy: these must be replaced with non-metaphorical versions of tyranny, oppression and fascism, for America to return to Our Founder’s Vision of Freedom™.”

Speculation has run rampant over who might become the new Speaker, with several prominent House members from across the political spectrum to the right of Boehner being mentioned.  One surprising name has also been thrown into the mix:  Ted Cruz.

“I see no reason why Ted Cruz can’t be President, Senator and Speaker of the House, all at the same time.  There’s nothing against it in the Bible OR the Constitution,” said well-known quitter, Bible expert and Constitutional scholar Sarah Palin.  “Heck, I should be Chief Justificator of the Extreme Court and Homecoming Queen.”

“See, this is just the type of nonsense we need to fight,” said Boehner, who is well-known for running from fights.  “Therefore, I am running away, like Scott Walker did, to fight the demise of our party from somewhere over there, on the sidelines.”  As he said this, Boehner waved in the general area of several well-known Washington bars.  “It’s where I do my best work.”

I know you’re excited that John Boehner is resigning Congress.  I know I am.

But I am scared witless over who is going to take his place.

First, it has to be a Republican, so there’s no upside to this.

Second, it could be Louie Gohmert, which might be kinda fun … for a couple of hours.

Third, moderate house Republicans meet in an abandoned phone booth.

Look, if he can escape because he’s sick of dealing with the Tea party, why don’t we have that option?

Right now, there’s speculation that Jeb Henserling (a Texan) will take his place.

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Clay Bennett, Chattanooga Times Free Press

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Some militia dude from Arizona wrote an online letter threatening to arrest Michigan Democratic Senator Debbie Stabenow for treason over her support of the Iran deal.

Why would some guy in Arizona care in particular about Stabenow?

She will be arrested for treason under Article 3 Section 3 of the Constitution,” states the letter. “We have chosen her as our first target due to our strong ties with the Michigan State Militia and their lax gun laws that will allow us to operate in a manner necessary for an operation like this.”

Once this is accomplished, he “will continue to move across the country and arrest everyone involved with the Iran Nuke Deal” including the president.

He says he is working with local law enforcement to “try to keep this as smooth as possible so we don’t have another ‘Shot Heard Round The World’ situation.”

I guess he won’t settle for a dull thud hear all over Arizona?

He’s asking for donations to help his mission.

Both the Federal election Commission and the New York Times finally started asking questions about why Senator Cruz’s SuperPAC would give half a million dollars to Carly Fiorina’s SuperPAC.

Alfredo over at the Dairy Queen brought it to our attention two months ago.

In a letter last week to the Cruz super PAC, known as Keep the Promise I, the election commission sought additional information about the gift. The super PAC listed it under “other disbursement”; it would have to do better than that, the commission said.

“Itemized disbursements must include a brief statement or description of why each disbursement was made,” it wrote.

The head of Ted’s SuperPAC says it’s “nothing.”  Yeah well, that’s not an answer.

He said the Cruz committee had given the money to the Fiorina group in June when it was still considering its options.

Wait a minute, the Ted Cruz SuperPAC wasn’t all that sure it was supporting Ted Cruz?

The head of the PAC also “scoffed at some speculation that the $500,000 was an attempt by Mr. Cruz’s backers to help his campaign by strengthening Mrs. Fiorina at the expense of other rivals.”  Well damn, if he did, it worked.

I always suspected it was because Fiorina’s so vicious about Hillary and the GOP figured it was better coming from a witchy woman.

Of note, the PAC got a total of five letters from the FEC on this one filing.  A campaign finance lawyer said that was “unusual,” and suggest “sloppy bookkeeper.”  Ya think?