Okay, in Virginia a man “accidentally” shot a woman in the forearm.

Douglas Ward originally was charged with misdemeanor reckless handling of a firearm. The charge was upgraded last week to felony charges of unlawful wounding and unlawful shooting at a building.

The shooting occurred on June 6. Ward told police that he was attempting to shoot a rabid raccoon.

Okay, it’s bad enough that you shoot her.  But the whole mistaken identity of a rabid raccoon was completely unnecessary.

Completely.

I just wanted you to know that …

Fox News radio host Todd Starnes dubbed Chick-fil-A “the official chicken of Jesus” in a fiery tirade against same-sex marriage over the weekend.

Starnes is frighteningly over concerned with gay people, and sees marriage equality as “an attack on religious liberty.”

Yes, indeed, a little known law of physics is that lessening other people’s liberty, you increase your own.

Thanks to Vickie for the heads up.

San Angelo is literally in the middle of nowhere.  The only people who live there arrived by accident or while drunk.  It is just southwest of the River Styx.

So, when Jade Helm came to town, one of the fine citizens of San Angelo decided to warn us.  You’re gonna love this.

Cardboard boxes and chainlink, dammit!  Ninjas!

I love this guy.

(Y’all, I know it’s gotten hard to tell satire from reality in Texas but if you’ll notice his daughter is sitting beside him and can’t keep a straight face.  Another guy did an on camera warning and then “took” you to the hill overseeing the troop invasion.  It was those tiny little army guys your kids played with.  He claimed they just looked that way because it was a long way down there.  It’s always good to see cowboys making fun of the rightwing.)

Okay, so while we were distracted by the Republican Presidential Parade, Louie has started to compare himself to Galileo.

“Since when does science not allow opposing viewpoints?” asked Gohmert. “Well, they didn’t allow Galileo to make an opposing viewpoint.”

Obviously he doesn’t understand why Galileo was silenced.  It was the damn church, Louie. The church silenced him.  You know, like you’re trying to do with the Pope.

During an appearance on C-SPAN this week, Gohmert said that Pope Francis, who has been strongly addressing climate change lately, was a victim to liberal media bias and that climate deniers have been marginalized like Galileo. “The trouble is that [the Pope] has been persuaded that climate change is something that is dramatically affecting the planet right now, he’s bought in to all this,” Gohmert said.

So see, Louie, you’re the Anti-Galileo.

Thanks to Kyle for the heads up.

Okay, I’m gonna take you all the way to Washington State to find this doozy.

The mayor of a small city in Washington reportedly admitted that he called President Barack Obama “monkey man” and first lady Michelle Obama “gorilla face,” but says he will not resign over the racist comments.

He says he’s not racist so he’s not going to resign as mayor.

He also told local NBC station KHQ that the comments were just “playful back and forth banter that my friends and I do.”

But he’s not racist.

The newspaper found what it said were at least 75 posts and reposts, including an image that suggests both the president and his wife should “hang for treason.”

Not racist.  Not.  Racist.

In some posts, Rushing also claims to be a follower of Jesus Christ.

See, not racist.

And neither are these people.

Thanks to Mike for the heads up.

Houston is a fairly liberal city.  We’ve had Democratic mayors, including minorities and women, since about 1970.  But even Houston has its share of batcrap crazy Republicans.

Dr. Steven Hotze is president the Conservative Republicans of Texas, a group so far rightwing that it tilts south and sometimes digs holes for itself.  Hotze is a medical doctor who runs voodoo medical clinics where he profits off of made-up drugs.  He’s a creep preying on sick people.

Dr. Hotze is obsessed, totally obsessed, with gays.  You’d think he would have a created a drug against it by now.  See how he’s bald?  That’s because his hair caught on fire while he was running around screaming, “The gays are here to kill us!”

His latest?

“They want to intimidate individuals, churches, schools and families to celebrate those that participate in anal sex. That’s what they love and enjoy: anal sex. And that’s bad, that’s evil. It’s a terrible thing to try to do and they want to try to teach it to kids in schools,” he said. “Kids will be encouraged to practice sodomy in kindergarten.”

Hell, in my house kids were still practicing not wetting their pants in kindergarten.

One more question:  who sits around and thinks up stuff like this?

Thanks to Chris for the heads up.