I got this text message from NBC Breaking News.

Note the time.  I am wondering who told them to wake me up if Scott Walker decides to run for president.

Whoever it was is fixing to get knots on their head.

I don’t give a damn.  Please write that down somewhere handy.

Y’all, I know that Barack Obama’s Jade Helm takeover of Texas to celebrate Sharia law and underground pathways between abandoned WalMarts, has just damn snuck up on you.

It’s in three days.  Wednesday is the start of Jade Helm.

You might not be ready but Texas’ unregulated militia is ready for war.

Eric Johnston, a 51-year-old retired firefighter and sheriff’s deputy who lives in Kerrville, is a surveillance team leader in Texas. He’ll coordinate three groups of volunteers, about 20 folks in total, who hope to monitor the SEALs, Green Berets and Air Force Special Ops in Bastrop, Big Spring and Junction when Jade Helm kicks off on July 15.

Now you might ask about their plans.

But locations more precise than the towns around which troops will drill remain unknown. For the citizens’ surveillance operation, therein lies the first challenge.

“If a team member sees two Humvees full of soldiers driving through town, they’re going to follow them,” Johnston said. “And they’re going to radio back their ultimate location.

Oh hell, I bet the army didn’t think of that!  Radios!  Walkie-Talkies!  Compasses!  The United States of America’s army does not stand a chance against these guys.

The only difference between them and the Boy Scouts is that the Boy Scouts have adult leadership.  And that is where the problems start and end.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

Tomorrow is the big day.  Scott Walker will be joining the Republican Goofy Parade.

Although I think they’ve taken all of the fun out of the announcement.  (Click the little one to get the big one.)

Look at the prohibited items.  Honey, you cannot be a Republican without at least some of those items.

Thanks to Carl again for the heads up.

Well hell, Georgia.

Steven Fincher is 29 years old and lives in Winder, Georgia, with his mother, his sister, and four minor children.  And whole freekin’ mess of guns.

So Friday afternoon at about 1:30 pm, Steve decides that shooting up the neighborhood would be a helluva lot of fun.

So he starts randomly shooting from his house.  Police say that Steve “was involved in an argument while drinking with a family friend.”

No one was hurt.  But that was purely by accident.

The NRA was nowhere to be seen.

Thanks to Carl for the heads up.

And they call him the smart one.

Jeb Bush says we need a foreign policy with fewer big words.

Bush continued, “Big syllable words and lots of fancy conferences and meetings and – We’re not leading. That creates chaos. It creates a more dangerous world.

You know, we need more little words like “Bring it on!” or if you’e in a big word whirlwind, make sure they are “Mission Accomplished!”

Here’s some more smart —

“This guy — this president and Secretary Clinton and Secretary Kerry – when someone disagrees with their nuanced approach where it’s all kind of so sophisticated it makes no sense. You know what I’m saying?”

Yeah, right, nuanced makes no sense.  This world is black and white and all those other colors make no sense.

The smart one.

Okay, here was the plan:

1.  Get somebody to write a book for you.

2.  Buy up copies of the book very strategically with your campaign account or with SuperPac money an store them in somebody’s garage.  The goal is to buy enough copies that you …

3.  Get on the New York Times bestseller list.

It worked for Sarah Palin.  Once.  Then the New York Times caught on.

The New York Times informed HarperCollins this week that it will not include Ted Cruz’s new biography on its forthcoming bestsellers list, despite the fact that the book has sold more copies in its first week than all but two of the Times’ bestselling titles, the On Media blog has learned.

Cruz’s “A Time For Truth,” published on June 30, sold 11,854 copies in its first week, according to Nielsen Bookscan’s hardcover sale numbers. That’s more than 18 of the 20 titles that will appear on the bestseller list for the week ending July 4.

Cruz whined and asked why, oh why, can’t I be a famous author.  They answered, and just so you know this is not a liberal conspiracy …

“In the case of this book, the overwhelming preponderance of evidence was that sales were limited to strategic bulk purchases,” she wrote.

The title of Cruz’s book is A Time For Truth.  Obviously that time is not right now.

Thanks to Patty and Alfredo over at the Dairy Queen for the heads up.