In the early, early days of the internet I made a Democratic friend from New York.  She doesn’t know a lot of people from Texas so I often serve as her interpreter of all things that are seemingly odd around here.

This morning’s question from Maureen is … What the hell is wrong with you people?

A gentleman named Cirilo Castillo was arrested on June 2 after being found in woman’s barn in Hildago County. The woman had warned him to stay away from the barn after two prior arrests for having sex with her horses.

[Castillo] told the woman and investigators that he had been hit by a car and crawled to the barn for shelter.

Oddly enough, they didn’t believe that part.  They think a horse kicked him.  At least that’s what we hope.

So, since Lindsey Graham is not married and never has been, a reporter asked him who would be first lady if he’s elected President.

Lindsey answered ….

Thinking it over, the Republican senator told Daily Mail Online: ‘Well, I’ve got a sister, she could play that role if necessary.’

Chuckling, he added: ‘I’ve got a lot of friends. We’ll have a rotating first lady.’

I cannot say for sure but I think he meant rotating as getting a new one every now and then, as opposed to a first lady who spends her days turning in circles, although admittedly that would be entertaining.

Next thing I know, my friend Glen Maxey asks where he can apply.

I’d be glad to put in a good word for Glen but I don’t think he’d be as entertaining as a spinning first lady.

Michael Berry is a small-time radio talk show host in the Houston market.  His former jobs included being on Houston City Council, being married to the Texas Secretary of State, being a full time self-described Southern Baptist, being an admitted hit-and-run driver, and secretly hanging out in Houston gay bars on drag queen night.

As you can see, he’s just your average run of the mill regular rightwing talk show host. He also advocated bombing a mosque, which I think is kinda required to keep your RightWing Nut license.

Michael was plenty upset about the goings-on in McKinney, Texas.  He got to running his mouth and just could not bring himself to stop until he got dangerously close to using the N word.

“Let me ask you, how many among you would put on a badge and a police uniform today?” Berry said. “How many of you would put on a badge, police uniform and be the first to respond — by yourself — to a crowd of teenagers, amped up — watch ‘em! Man, they’re screaming! ‘Get outta here! Who are you?! You don’t know what you! You go! You get! Who are you?! You can’t do that! No man, we gon’ get you! You bet — !’ I mean you’re talking about like jungle animals. I mean this is wild, crazy, out of control.”

And then, to make white people in Texas look even more like idiots, he goes on a few minutes later ….

Berry said white people had probably been the ones to call the police at the pool party.

“Yes, they’re probably white people, scared to death, peeking through the blinds, ‘Oh my God! There’s a bunch of black people and they’re out on the streets and they’re fightin’ and carryin’ on and they’re playing that music from Jay-Z,” Berry said. “They’re scared to death! That’s who his bosses are. He’s there to keep the peace in his community.”

God in heaven above, not Jay-Z!  And, oh yeah, nothing scares white people like black people at a pool party.

Thank you for cracker-splainin’ that to us, Michael.

If you want to hear Berry do his imitation of a black minister or black parents, listen here.

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Y’all this is Scott Walker eating barbeque.

Gloves. He’s wearing gloves.

Thanks to Robin for the heads up.

Rick Santorum is on the campaign trail, firing up the base …

Just one Iowan showed up at 2 p.m. campaign stop Monday at a restaurant in the unincorporated community of Hamlin.

But is Rick gonna let this get him down?  No, sireee.  Not Rick.

Santorum told the Register that the low turnout was not surprising, but that it is all a part of the plan.

So Rick’s plan is to underwhelm voters and keep interest as low as possible – just slightly above the   Who Gives A Crap line.  I know that sounds like a new original idea but Michele Bachmann has already tried it.  Didn’t work.

Thanks to Charles for the heads up.

Y’all, seriously.

“If this Supreme Court rules against marriage, all hell is going to break loose,” DeLay said, citing a pledge signed by politicians and activists, including Mike Huckabee and Rick Santorum, who have vow to defy such a ruling by the court. “We’re going to stand for marriage even if it takes civil disobedience.”

Okay think about this.  What are you gonna do?  Tie up gay people?  Throw spit wads?  Pee in their swimming pools?  When the preacher asks, “Does anyone here know any reason why …” you’re gonna yell out, “Sex!”

How do you defy marriage equality other than not marrying a gay person?  No, think about it.  That is exactly what you should do if you don’t like gay marriage.

Honey, the ruling will come down soon and I’m gonna keep my eye on Tom DeLay.  That’s a promise.