Old white men gather together to watch Greg Abbott sign the open law carry in Texas.
I dunno. I think I’ll title this: I’ve Heard Of Covering Your Butt, But Covering Your Winkie is New To Me.
The only guy not trying to cover his winkie is the one who hasn’t seen his in a decade.
Y’all, this running for President stuff is haaaaaard.
I mean, you actually have to work.
Ted Cruz is not happy about this turn of events. He sent out a fundraising letter where he whined about all the hardships he’s enduring.
Cruz moans that he’s “sacrificing a great deal” to seek the White House. He has less time with his family. He and his wife Heidi, who until recently was a Goldman Sachs executive, are taking a financial hit because of the campaign. His personal time is encroached upon by campaign obligations. (“My days are no longer my own,” he grouses. “Days start before dawn and many times don’t end until early the next morning.”) And, perhaps worst of all, the food is lousy, and—OMG!—campaigning interferes with his sleep needs: “My runoff campaign for the Senate in 2012 took a toll, but now I’m sacrificing even more sleep with long nights and constant travel.”
Yes, I imagine it’s tough getting by on Ted’s $175,000 senate salary and his wife’s vacation time at Goldman Sachs.
I was fixing to whine that I’m upset about paying Ted’s salary for him not to do his job to represent me in the senate, but then I realized I’d be happy to pay for that.
Let me see here. We pay a private in the army $18,000 a year and a staff sergeant $28,000 – plus they sleep outside and have to carry their own luggage.
A school teacher in Abilene, Texas, makes about $45,000 a year – plus, they have to put up with your damn kids.
A minimum wage worker at Walmart makes $15,000 a year in Texas – plus, they don’t get health insurance or the senate dining room.
Let’s talk about sacrifices, Ted. Wanna do that?
Thanks to John for the heads up.
I just got this from Rick Perry.
The subject of the email was “Not Ready for Hillary.”
Well, son, looking at your poll numbers, we ain’t ready for dumbo either.
Colorado Springs, Colorado.
Look, I’m not saying that drugs were involved, but …
A Colorado Springs man who shot himself in the foot on Wednesday night did it because he “wanted to know what it felt like to be shot,” police say.
Hirtle told police he took off his boot, shot it, put it back on and then shot himself in the foot in his garage. He did not sustain life-threatening injury and no one else was injured during the incident.
I want to know what the boot did to justify shooting it twice.
Thanks to Larry for the heads up.
Nevada Republican Congressvarmint Cresent Hardy is fixing to make me a personal enemy.
Hardy was speaking at a Libertarian event.
“I have three children,” Hardy explains. “One of them is summa cum laude and two were magna cum laude. The other one, he didn’t need an education. He works for Raytheon, smarter than all the rest. He works hard, he builds things that are genius. Some people have that ability.”
“But they all work hard. They are raising their own families,” he continued. “They will not be a drain on society, the best they can. Hopefully they will never have some disability that causes them to have to utilize that.”
Ahem, may I have a few words with Mr. Hardy?
Sir, my name is Susan Bankston and I am a representative on the State Democratic Executive Committee for Democrats with Disabilities. That job leads me to know a whole lot of people with disabilities. None of us chose to be disabled. Not a single one.
Surprisingly enough, none of the disabled children I know chose to be disabled. It just happened without their prior consent. And, not one single disabled veteran has a life they have chosen for themselves. They chose, unlike you, to serve their country in the military but they did not chose to come home in pieces.
We are sorry for being a drain on society. Seriously, we are deeply apologetic for being born blind, deaf or lame. We understand it was a easy way out to get multiple sclerosis, ALS, or alpha-1 antitrypsin and think that our lives are worth anywhere near as much as your child’s magna cum laude.
Look, you son of a motherless goat, you idiot fool. You prance around with your deadbeat buddy Cliven Bundy who owes the taxpayers about a million damn dollars. You say that Cliven is a hero but a working father with ALS is a drain or that a child with cerebral palsy is hurting society.
Sir, and I’m speaking only for myself here, you are a a jackass sumbitch and I ever see you, I’m going to run over you with a wheelchair. There ain’t a grand jury in America who would indict me for it.
