You know how we only teach abstinence sex education in Texas because that’s all that’s proper and teaching kids about sex will make them just want to have sex?

Score one for the losing team!

KOSA-TV of Odessa and Midland reports the Crane Independent School District sent a letter last week to parents of Crane High School students informing them that 20 cases of chlamydia had been confirmed at the school. Crane High School has an enrollment of about 300 students.

State health officials had notified the district of a significant number of chlamydia cases reported in Crane County and adjacent Upton County.

Yeah, well, the kids figured it out on their own.

Hey, what a cool prom theme:  Chlamydia Through the Years —

Thanks to Susan F for the heads up.

Over in San Angelo, Texas, a man needs to tend to his hygiene or there will be no dance partners over at Smoky Joe’s Dancehall and Bait Camp.

SAN ANGELO, Texas – An Andrews man was arrested Sunday for threatening to shoot a local hotel’s front desk clerk because of a lack of fresh towels.

The clerk was working the counter at Super 8 Motel, 410 W. Avenue L, early Sunday morning when he was approached by an angry patron.

Haughton Dean Laurence, 34, the allegedly intoxicated motel guest shouted and cursed at the clerk, requesting room service for towels, then pulled a handgun from behind his back and placed it on the counter.

He didn’t point it at anybody, but he wanted to make sure the towel delivery wasn’t gonna take all damn night.  A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.

The police arrived and booked Mr. Laurence into the Tom Green County Jail, where, wouldn’t you just know it, there are no fresh towels.

Thanks to texasmiatafrank for the heads up.

Okay, only because it’s really not a party until Louie Gohmert shows up with the Goofy Keg, Louie weighed in.  Of course, he’s very concerned.

Tea party darling Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX) on Tuesday demanded that the U.S. military alter a planned training exercise that some conspiracy theorists believe is cover for a possible takeover of the Lone Star state.

What Louie is demanding they change is the pretend designation that Texas is a pretend hostile pretend county.  Because pretending is real close to being dog butt serious.

“Once I observed the map depicting ‘hostile,’ ‘permissive,’ and ‘uncertain’ states and locations, I was rather appalled that the hostile areas amazingly have a Republican majority, ‘cling to their guns and religion,’ and believe in the sanctity of the United States Constitution,” Gohmert said in the statement.

Yeah, that was the plan.  And Louie says that just looking at that map would make people suspicious of Texas.

Hellfire, Louie, everybody is already suspicious of Texas, and it has to do with you.  Louie, you need to pretend to be sane for a while.

And next we have WalMart.

WalMart issued a statement his morning:

The tunnels are part of a series of conspiracy theories surrounding “Jade Helm 15,” a military training operation set to take place later this year in seven Western states. The conspiracy theorists have said the operation may be part of a covert attempt to takeover Texas and other states.

On more thing.  If you watch the Jon Stewart clip, at about 6:58 you see a guy with his head in his hands being the punch line to the insane speakers.  You know that guy!  Remember when you guys all pitched in and helped Democrats in Bastrop after wildfires ate their homes?  And we sent the money to Barbara, the Democratic County Chair in Bastrop?  That’s Barbara and her husband!  Right there on Jon Stewart!

See, you have friends in high places with their heads in their hands!

When Chuck Norris joins the Goofyfest of people warning us about Jade Helm, Jon Stewart takes on both Jade Helm and Muhammed cartoon contests.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PsfoDp2Vx8I

What would Rick Perry do?

Thanks to everybody and their Aunt Matilda for the heads up.

The Mayor of Georgetown, Texas, accidentally leaves his microphone on while he … uh, excuses himself.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sRHVIcesOH4

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

Okay, so here’s the deal.  A big ole giant asteroid is coming on September 24th, 2015.

The government knows about it but is keeping it a secret (apparently not very well) to keep everybody from panicking.

Following a series of warnings from doomsday prophets, there is increasing convergence of opinion among believers that an asteroid apocalypse will occur in September, 2015.

But while governments with privileged information are allegedly keeping the information secret, the “elite” are preparing secretly to survive the catastrophe, according to conspiracy theorists.

Yep, those damn “elites” are at it again.

It’s going to hit Puerto Rico.  More details are here.

I do not know if President Obama caused this astroid but I pretty much figure he did because he needs to hide his real birth certificate and a jumbo raging fiery inferno would do the trick.

So, even if you do make it through Jade Helm, there’s this sucker.   And you will need more and bigger guns to fight this thing.  Maybe even your own nuke.

There ain’t enough tin foil in the world, Honey.