Y’all, Rick Perry says —

Which leaves the question:  His own?

Thanks to Glen for the heads up.

Holy cow, y’all.  We knew this was going happen but we didn’t know it was gonna happen so soon.

Why’s everybody always picking on Dan?

The weekly kumbaya breakfast between the big three Texas lawmakers broke down today into a round-robin of recriminations that concluded with Lieutenant Governor Dan Patrick declaring he was tired of Governor Greg Abbott and Speaker Joe Straus “picking on me.”

Oh dear, oh dear, the role of whiney little boy is being played by Dan Patrick during this legislative session.  Dan Patrick has spent a lifetime being a bully on the radio and in real life.  He can dish it out but he sure can’t take it.  He bullies everybody and goes from mean guy to victim before the orange juice gets poured.

Dan Patrick

Okay, the Republican Power Rangers meet every Wednesday morning for breakfast at the capitol.  I’m going next week with a fire extinguisher.  I think Dan Patrick and his famous temper and previous physical assaults just might scream and attack someone.

I am so damn excited for this boxing match to get started.

Edit:  The cool kids over on Facebook have this now –

This is the greatest story of all time.  A man in Colorado shot and killed his computer.

Lucas Hinch, 37, was issued a summons by Colorado Springs police after he shot his 2012 Dell XPS 410 eight times in an alley, police said.

He took it to a safe place.  He made sure there was nothing to ricochet.  Then he murdered it.  He admits it was cold-blooded and premeditated.

The police confiscated his gun and gave him a ticket.  It is highly unlikely he’ll get more than a fine.

Hinch told the Los Angeles Times he has no regrets.

“It was glorious,” he said. “Angels sung on high.”

Dude, I know that feeling.  Yes, I do.

Thanks to Craig for the heads up.

Okay, I know Pre-K is rough because those little rug rats will kill you and then eat you. But I had no idea how rough it is until Republican Governor Greg Abbott’s semi-mildly progressive plan for Pre-K education in Texas was attacked by Republican Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick, who lives in the dank, dark, and dreadful Tea Party world.

All twenty members of Patrick’s “advisory board” oppose the Abbott plan, and oppose is kinda an understatement.

Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick’s tea party advisory panel on Tuesday blasted Gov. Greg Abbott’s quality pre-K legislation as “socialistic” and “a threat to parental rights,” contributing friction to the already tense balancing act between the state’s top Republican leaders.

“We are experimenting at great cost to taxpayers with a program that removes our young children from homes and half-day religious preschools and mothers’ day out programs to a Godless environment …

Okay, the letter goes on and on but I kinda had to stop there.

It is news to me that Pre-K is Godless.  Every Pre-K class I have ever visited has an adult present who loudly proclaims, “Oh Dear God!” at least hourly.  Those kids are savages and even calling on God rarely stops Buster from attempting to gouge out Casey’s eyes.

But they keep on going —

This interference by the State tramples up our parental rights,” the letter added. “The early removal of children from parents’ care is historically promoted in socialistic countries, not free societies which respect parental rights.”

Y’all, seriously.  Is there a non-socialistic magic button between Pre-K and regular K?  How about 5th grade?  Is 5th grade socialist?

I dunno.  Dan Patrick and his Tea Party punch bowl get crazier and crazzzzzier.

Ted Cruz claims that he lobbied John McCain to allow the military to carry guns while on base.

John McCain says that Ted Cruz is playing with his imaginary friends again.

McCain claims it never happened.

“You know, I was fascinated to hear that because I haven’t heard a thing about it from him. Nor has my staff heard from his staff,” a jovial McCain told reporters late Monday. “Where did that come from? I have not a clue.”

Uh oh.

So the next day, Ted says he had “misspoken and later formally sent a letter to McCain asking the chairman to look into the topic.”

Misspoken.  Yes, misspoken is a new word for lied my butt off to try to make myself look relevant.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

Allen West says that separation of Church and State is what causes high school and college football injuries.

Seriously.

Okay, I will admit that he was speaking to a group in Gladewater, Texas, so he was pretty much free to say any damn crazybutt thing he wanted to without suffering any challenge as long as he said God told him this stuff.

And even in high school, before every game at Grady Stadium, the pastor would come down and pray before every football game. I don’t remember catastrophic injuries. I don’t remember anyone getting carted off that field paralyzed.”

Yeah, yeah, I forgot to add that the group in Gladewater was real real old so, hell, they can’t remember what happened yesterday, much less 40 years ago.

Allen West:  solving the world’s problems through group prayer.

Thanks to Auntie BFly for the heads up.