Accidents waiting to happen by the busload.

Oh Missississippissi …

House members on Thursday passed a bill exempting mid-sized church buses from the state’s commercial driver’s license requirements, prompting one lawmaker to call it the “Jesus Take the Wheel Act.”

The bill, HB 132, would help congregations lacking a CDL-certified driver transport up to 30 passengers in a church-owned vehicle. Although applying equally to all churches, it’s primarily aimed at smaller congregations with fewer members and financial resources.

And they promise that if the driver is unqualified, they will only hit Muslim cars.

Thanks to chloe bear and Ralph for the heads up.

by Primo Encarnación

The bosslady Herownself has often told me that the only thing that keeps Texas from drifting into the Gulf is that Oklahoma sucks. Well, kids, Oklahoma is turning into a regular remora on the backside of the Bible Belt.

It seems that folks there have a real problem with history of the advanced placement kind. AP classes and tests in high school allow kids to get a head start on college and even earn college credits.   But in the world of educational attainment, Oklahoma is FAR from OK, as one-quarter of its kids don’t graduate high school, while its 31% rate of resident college graduates ranks 46^th out of the 50 states plus DC.

Nevertheless, those few people in Oklahoma who DO plan to move out soon would probably appreciate a leg up on that degree when they go to college.

Not so fast! say some in the Oklahoma State Pantload Club Legislature. Their Education Committee – so-called without a SHRED of irony or self-deprecation – has voted 11-4 to pass an “emergency” bill defunding AP American History because… why?

Because it’s mean to America.

America, as we all should have encoded into our DNA by now, is the GREATEST COUNTRY IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD, and it’s disloyal, dishonorable, dishonest and disagreeable to say otherwise. If fact, it’s damn near heretical. Damn near? According to the Black Robe Regiment (they’ve never heard of you, either) we are “indoctrinating our youth at the exclusion of the Christian perspective.”

God, I hope so! But to Black Robe Regimentarian and Pastor Dan Fisher (R-Nutjobbia), that’s a bad thing. So his bill moves closer to becoming the law of his land and the land he belongs to ain’t grand.

You’d think with all those tornadoes and dust bowls and wind sweeping down the plain and such that they’d have had enough of low pressure areas. But, Noooooo!

Oklahoma just sucks harder.

The North Carolina Ethics Commission – which is certainly an oxymoron – was asked to make a decision about sexual favors from lobbyists.

You have asked whether consensual ‘sexual favors or sexual acts’ between a lobbyist and a designated individual constitutes a gift or ‘thing of value’ that would trigger the gift ban and reporting requirements,’” the opinion says.

“Consensual sexual relationships do not have monetary value and therefore are not reportable as gifts or ‘reportable expenditures made for lobbying’ for purposes of the lobbying law’s expenditure reporting provisions,” the formal advisory opinion says.

I know some ladies in Las Vegas who would disagree with that.

But, here’s the confusing part.

However, providing a prostitute to a legislator or other covered official would constitute a gift or item of value and would have to be reported on disclosure forms – which, of course, would also be evidence of a crime, the opinion says.

Hellfire, Honey, you’re a lobbyist sleeping with an elected official.  That officially makes you a prostitute.

Thanks to Carl for the heads up.

A newspaper reporter, who described himself as being “in an especially foul mood last night,” posted a picture of President Obama taking a selfie with the cutline —“A fool-proof way to make yourself look like a self-absorbed assclown.”

He apologized.

He changed it to read, “A fool-proof way to make yourself look like a self-absorbed celebrity.”

Yes, that is far more respectful.

However, it is nice to know that celebrity and assclown are interchangeable words.

More self absorbed celebrities.

Let’s start in Annapolis, where it should be too damn cold to get into trouble, but nooooo.

Ronald Ernest Phelps is 54 years old and “accidentally” shoots his 23 year old son in the stomach.  He was cleaning his shotgun and it, bygawd, accidentally went off.  Come to find out, the elder Phelps is prohibited from owning firearms.  But, the entertainment value does not stop there.

Detectives executed a search warrant at the residence and located the gun used in this incident as well as a rifle and ammunition. In addition, Northern District Tactical Narcotics Detectives responded to assist with the search warrant and recovered over 200 grams of marijuana from the apartment.

Detectives charged the father, Ronald Phelps, with possession with intent to distribute marijuana, possession of marijuana, as well as illegally possessing a shotgun, rifle, and ammunition as a prohibited person.

The son will be in the hospital for a week or two.  Dad will be in prison a little longer.

Next, a 55 year old Michigan woman earned herself what probably may be the worst obituary ever.

“She was having trouble adjusting her bra holster, couldn’t get it to fit the way she wanted it to. She was looking down at it and accidentally discharged the weapon,” said St. Joseph Public Safety Director Mark Clapp.

When I was a teenager, we used to stuff bobbie socks in our bras, which, on recollection, seems relatively tame and a whole lot safer.

Y’all, promise me that if I die trying to hide a gun between by ta-tas, you will keep it out of the newspaper.

Thanks to Carl and Nancy for the heads up.

Take a deep breath.

There’s a Republican State Representative in Mississippi named Gene Alday who says he’s not a racist just because he walks, talks, and quacks like one.

Alday said he comes “from a town where all the blacks are getting food stamps and what I call ‘welfare crazy checks.’ They don’t work.”

Alday also told the newspaper about a time he visited an emergency room.

“I liked to died. I laid in there for hours because they (black people) were in there being treated for gunshots,” Alday was quoted as saying.

Alday didn’t deny the comments attributed to him. However, he said he was not a racist.

“I am definitely not a racist, at all,” Alday told Mississippi News Now. “Because, I mean, I get along with everybody. And I’ve spent a lot of time helping people.”

He later claimed that yes, he said that, but it was off the record.  You know, because being an off the record racist is so much … better?  And that the reporter took him back to his “days in law enforcement.” “I have a way of talking and saying, ‘take this off the record.'”  Because it’s okay for law enforcement to be off the record racists?

I’ll bet State Representative Gene Alday is kinda shocked at what’s going on in New York.

More than 30 people have been nabbed for food stamp fraud in the North Country.

Investigators say over the past couple month’s people used their food stamps to get food or alcohol at the Old Time Butcher Block store in Brushton.