News from the teevee.

Yes, O’Reilly is still the No. 1 program in cable news in both total and demo viewers, averaging 2,136,000 total viewers in May. But the majority of those viewers are over the age of 55. In fact, the median age for O’Reilly is now just over 72 years old.

Honey, they are so old that they better not buy green bananas.  They went to high school with Moses.  Some of them pre-date sunshine.

With any luck at all, they’ll turn off the teevee at the nursing home and Bill’s viewership will drop to 8 or 9.

Thanks to John for the heads up.

The Texas Republican State Convention is going to be this weekend in Fort Worth.

The gays have been excommunicated and will not be allowed to have a booth at the convention because they are dangerous.  Not booths, gays.  Booths are probably not vicious in any manner.  Unless, of course, gays are in them.  Then … well, liberty.

But guns?  Hell, yeah.

“We expect to have people there carrying weapons,” Munisteri explained. “It’s a Republican crowd and that’s a crowd that’s used to people packing.

“If the city and the convention center leave it up to us, we will allow open carry and, of course, anyone with a concealed-carry license.”

Now the city of Fort Worth says you cannot open carry at their convention center because alcohol is going to be served there.  Of course it is.  How else could anybody stand being around that damn many Super DeLux Brand Christians?

And speaking of the Steeple People, what do you get when you combine guns, alcohol, and God?  I mean, other than a rogue drunk Taliban clique.  You get this —

Pastor Holcomb

Pastor Terry Holcomb, who is president of Texas Carry and a delegate from San Jacinto, said that the plan was to force the legislature to change the law.

“We’re trying to continue the pressure on the issue,” he said. “We’re hoping to get lawmakers’ attention by open-carrying during the convention.”

So Pastor Holcomb is trying to get the Texas Lege to allow carrying long guns while pushing back a few beers.  Because, well … Jesus.

In our ongoing effort to provide you with top quality educational opportunities, we thought you’d like to know that assault rifles are a Mexican invention.  Thanks to our friend Richard over at The Mex Files, you now have information to pass along to the ammosexuals.

We want his name, dammit, his name!

So a guy goes to a Home Depot near Detroit.  This is his story and he’s sticking to it.

Police say the 32-year-old Green Oak Township man, who was not named, was apparently reaching into his pocket for his wallet when he inadvertently grabbed his pistol and a shot fired, striking him in the buttocks.

The man was treated for minor injuries at a nearby hospital. No one else was injured.

Police say the man had a license to carry the concealed weapon and no charges will be filed.

Because this is America and you can shoot yourself in the ass all you want to.  Because … freedom.

Thanks to Zyxomma for the heads up.

Okay, Republicans are all upset that President Obama did not wait 30 days to notify congress and get all the proper paperwork signed before winning the release of an American soldier in captivity.

There is grumbling and talk of impeachment and all manner of condemnation.

Hey, unless those same Republicans can show me certified dead solid evidence that they were all outraged over Ronald Reagan trading damn arms for hostages, they can kiss my big blue butt.

Welcome home, Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl.  I can assure you that if President Obama had sought a 30 days notice to Congress, they would have given your patootie to the Taliban just to embarrass the President.

The President’s notice to Congressional Republicans ought to be, “Hey, dudes, send him back if that’s what you want to do.  But, you gotta come get him.  He’ll be standing 20 yards behind my whole damn army.”

We here at the World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc. are proud to announce the winner of the Conservative Republican Straw Presidential Poll.

It’s – ta! da! – Ted Cruz.  Second place went to nobody.

Cruz took 30 percent of the vote at the Republican Leadership Conference in New Orleans. He edged out conservative speaker and author Ben Carson.

Organizers at the annual conference say about a third out of 1,500 delegates voted in the straw poll. Delegates had to pay to register for the conference and vote in the straw poll.

Cruz promised delegates Saturday to continue his uncompromising approach on Capitol Hill.
Carson did not address delegates before the voting.

Kentucky Sen. Rand Paul, former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee and Texas Gov. Rick Perry trailed Cruz and Carson in the poll.

Poor Rick Perry.  He came in behind The Preacher Who Isn’t Running and Who The Hell Is Ben Carson.

By the way, this was following Ted’s speech at the convention, where he lambasted Republicans.  Yeah, his own party.

Sen. Ted Cruz of Texas lambasted unidentified Republicans Saturday, likening them to operatives in the former Soviet Union.

“You know, a lot of Republicans — it’s very odd — a lot of Republicans tend to have top down, Soviet-style campaigns,” Cruz told reporters at a Republican gathering in New Orleans.

Republicans are so unpopular that the most popular Republican is popular only because he dislikes Republicans.  Just thinking about that will make your head hurt.

That chuckling sound you hear is Hillary Clinton.

So some of these folks who walk around town in Texas carrying assault rifles decided that harassing a marine for speaking out against them might be fun.

(Momma, don’t watch this because there’s bad language.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04k4OWPquK4

These gun freaks say “we’re just out here demonstrating our rights.”  Oddly, they don’t feel the necessity to demonstrate any of their other rights.  Just this one.

You know, I have a right to carry a fully operational chain saw into a movie theater but that doesn’t mean that people are going to feel comfortable around me.  Or that it’s serving any purpose whatsoever except to show off my chainsaw and to be weird.  I mean, it’s not likely that there’s going to be any oddly placed brush for me to clear the path for the citizenry at the movie theater.  It’s also highly unlikely that any unsuspect

Here’s something to ponder.  In Texas, we have illegal knives —

The definition of an Illegal Knife in Sec. 46.01(6)(C) still includes “dagger, including but not limited to dirk, stilletto and poniard.” That has not changed. None of these type knives, dagger, etc., are defined in Texas law, but based on case law generally you should assume that a “dagger” covers any double-edged blade. This would include automatic knives with double-edged blades.

— but not guns.  You can carry an automatic gun but you can’t carry an automatic knife.

What the hell is with that?