The problem is that when some catastrophic event happens, all the teevee evangelists jump up like bullfrogs in a frying pan to blame the gays, the wicked, the drunks, and me.

Prayin’ Pastor Kills 22 People

Finally.  We have an honest one.  Please meet Church on the Rock Pastor John Benefiel, who says the floods in Texas in 2007 were his fault.  Why he just now got around to fessin’ up is anybody’s guess but it might have been that 22 people died and thousands lost their homes in that flood.  I suspect he was waiting for the statute of limitation to grab hold.

Benefiel says he prayed too hard.  His plan was to end the drought of 2007 by using “a ‘divorce decree’ to severe Baal’s hold on drought-stricken states like Texas and Oklahoma.”

Now he realizes that he should have just medium prayed instead of going turbo.

However, he is not taking the rap alone.  The Holy Spirit must shoulder some of the blame.

“And at one point and every lake of Texas, Oklahoma, Kansas and Missouri were at or above flood stage,” the pastor noted. “And that’s what Chuck [Pierce] had prophecized, that when you see this happen, those are areas targeted for a Holy Spirit invasion.”

Well, if that is true, and best I know it likely could be, the Holy Spirit did not plant a flag and take up residence because there’s still gays, wicked people, drunks, and me in Texas.

Thanks to Kyle for the heads up.

They are growing them hateful in Kansas lately.

Meet State Senator Mary Pilcher-Cook, who wants to be a uterus monitor.  Apparently we have a real shortage of people wanting to check to make sure that a miscarriage is really a miscarriage.  Doctors estimate that 15% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage.

A bill advancing in Kansas would mandate reporting for miscarriages at any stage in pregnancy, the first step along the path to criminalizing pregnant women’s bodies. Under an amendment attached to HB 2613 — which was originally intended to update the state’s procedure for issuing birth certificates for stillborn babies — doctors would be required to report all of their patients’ miscarriages to the state health department.

I mean, how do we know it was really a miscarriage? And shouldn’t all that be public information?   I mean, hell, why leave it at that?  Why not take out billboards and newspaper ads listing all the women who had miscarriages that month because Mary Pilcher-Cook thinks they might have done something wrong.

I hate these people.  I seriously do.  I try not to.  I just can’t help myself.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

Rick Perry is now calling pay equality “nonsense.”  And he knows that for two reasons: (1) there are already laws on the books to protect women from discrimination but he’s not real sure what they are, and (2) he appointed a female Secretary of State.

“They have my support, as do all women across — my chief of staff is a woman,” he said. “I mean, I probably got more female chiefs of staff than anybody in Texas history.”

And exactly what he means by “got”, I dunno.

Having Rick Perry run for President is like putting six pots on a four burner stove.  He just ain’t got enough smarts to handle many pans.

I guess Ole Rick hadn’t head that the Republican wanting to live in the Guv Shack next has some gender pay problems.

Meanwhile, the San Antonio Express-News was compiling salary figures from the Texas attorney general’s office. The newspaper reported Wednesday that female assistant attorneys general make less on average than do men in the same position under Abbott.

The average salary for the 343 male assistant attorneys general in Abbott’s office is $79,464, the Express-News found, while the average salary for 379 women is $73,649.

Perry says there are other things we folks in Texas should be worried about:

“If they want to talk about substantive issues in Texas in this governor’s race, let’s talk about tax policy, regulatory policy, legal policies,” he said.

Cue the Hallelujah Chorus.  He remembered three things! However, I think he just made up that legal policy thing because Lord knows, Rick Perry ain’t lined up straight with the statutes.  Plus, I have no idea what legal policies means.  He just made that up because he forgot the third thing, didn’t he?  Oh well, pack up the Hallelujah Chorus and turn out the lights.

So, Rick wants us to talk about tax and regulatory policy, huh?  You know, men things.  How ’bout this?  Rick wants to pay women less so he can tax us less and he wants to regulate what we do with our bodies.  You’re on, big boy.  I’m hittin’ the ground runnin’ on that one.

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You know the boy who couldn’t get a date to the prom because he never bathed and his socks stank and he never combed his hair?  Well, he grew up and became a Baptist preacher.

I have proof.

Pastor Steven Anderson of the Faithful Word Baptist Church

The preacher who hates gays and openly told his congregation that he prays every night for President Obama’s death (which kinda tells you what God thinks of his lamentations) now has a new enemy.

The ladies.

He then asked the congregation to flip to 1 Corinthians 14, which says “[l]et your women keep silence in the churches, for it is not permitted unto them to speak, as it is commanded to be under obedience as also sayeth the law. And if they will learn anything, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is shameful for women to speak in the church.”

Yes, the ladies are not allowed to speak or even say “Amen” in the church.  If they have a question, they are to ask their husbands at home to ask the question for them at church.  That, of course, is from St. Paul’s letter to the church at Corinth.

Then he doubles down with St. Timothy.

Pastor Anderson first attempted to justify the silencing of women by quoting 1 Timothy 2:11, “[l]et the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.”

I guess he’s already warming up for Hillary 2016.

Now, just to prove he’s not a total hooter hater, he says, “Now obviously, before the service begins, there’s chatting and talking going on, that’s perfectly legitimate.”  So, you women do your little recipe exchanges and giggling before the serve but remember too shut the hell up for men business.

Thanks to John for the heads up.

So, Longview, Texas, (oh yeah that’s in East Texas) hired Ted Nugent and His All Racist Sidekicks to play at their big ole 4th of July picnic.

Apparently, they did not know who Ted Nugent is.  Because now they have changed their minds.

Faced with a guaranteed performance fee of $32,000, the City of Longview instead agreed to pay Nugent $16,000 out of the Maude Cobb annual budget to not appear.

So that’s the going rate?  You have to pay Ted Nugent $16,000 to stay from your city.

Hell, that’s a bargain at any price.

So he’ll take the money away from the city budget and stay home in his palatial doublewide shooting off his gun and drinkin’ beer.  So who’s the ‘subhuman mongrel’ now?

Thanks to Brian for the heads up.

Ya know, Bill O’Reilly just ain’t my idea of a fine man.

I had a friend who was all of 5’4″ inches fully stretched out.  When he passed to that great baseball game in the sky, the preacher said, “Only God could put such a big man in such a small body.”   It was true.

Bill O’Reilly’s preacher will have to say the exact opposite.

So, his latest is that he doesn’t mind the haters.  And I guess that’s true because his mirror is full of them.  But the reason he doesn’t mind the haters is …

“The O’Reilly haters are pretty much the people that have no idea what I do. And I like that — I mean, I don’t have any problem with people disliking me, and I’ll tell you why. I’m not comparing myself, but who was the most hated person in Judea 2,000 years ago?”

Well, I thank Bill for adding the not comparing himself part because it sure sounds like he’s comparing himself.  It’s kinda like the “I’m not a racist, but …” thing.

So, let play it this way:  the more Bill O’Reilly hates on Barack Obama, the more Barak Obama becomes like … oh, I dunno … like Jesus?

Bill O’Reilly is such a small man in such a big body that it’s a wonder that he doesn’t rattle when he walks around.