Prepare yourself.

Jan 13 (Reuters) – Penis pumps cost the U.S. government’s Medicare program $172 million between 2006 and 2011, about twice as much as the consumer would have paid at the retail level, according to a government watchdog’s report released on Monday.

I don’t know about you but if they offered me the job of Penis Pump Government Watchdog, I would turn it down.

Your average telephone pole

Where does one go buy a retail penis pump?  I’m just asking for a friend.

And here’s something else you didn’t want to know.

The report by the inspector general for the Department of Health and Human Services said Medicare, the government health insurance system for seniors, paid nearly 474,000 claims for vacuum erection systems.

There are half a million old men walking around with penis pumps.

Thelma says she would be totally willing to walk around nursing homes in her skin tight leopard print faux leather pants and totally eliminate this need.  Being that Thelma wears a size 20 short, we’d need someone to clear a path first and that might cost just as much as a pump.  I dunno.  But, it might be worth putting pencil to paper.

Thanks to Carl of the tundra for the heads up.

Imagine being in Alaska.  Now imagine being in Alaska without internet.

It’s a New Year’s tradition to shoot off guns at midnight in the village at the confluence of the Tanana and Yukon rivers, about 150 miles west of Fairbanks. This year, however, the shooters evidently weren’t paying attention where they were pointing their guns when someone shot one of the main fiber-optic cable lines.

And the crowning glory.

“You can’t fix stupid,” is how Ralph Eller, owner of Yukon Telephone and Supervisions Cable TV, summed up the incident.

They have to wait for the supplies to fix the cable line, but they have plenty of ammo in stock.

Thanks to TexasTrailerParkTrash for the heads up.

The Chris Christie party is over.

I don’t care what comes out next, it’s over.  I don’t care if he tears down the bridge and personally walks on the damn water, you can stick a fork in him because he’s done.

People will forgive a s-e-x escapade but they will not forgive traffic.  And I think that’s kinda smart.  If a candidate has s-e-x, that doesn’t bother me as long as I don’t have to think about it.  But traffic – that makes my life miserable.  You hurt me personally when you make me sit in traffic.

And then when he poured salt in the wounds by saying he was the victim here and not the people who sat in traffic, then Elvis has left the building.

And if he expects that his staff will lay down for him to stand on their bodies and weep tears of “you lied to me,” he’s an idiot.   One of them will reach up and throw his butt on the spit.

And that’s what I think.

You know, it seems to be that Ted Cruz is determined to piss off both political parties.  He calls us socialist communists terrorist bleached blondes.

And while he’s showing his butt to us, he’s thumbing his nose at the other party at the same damn time.

Paul Teller, who was fired in December as executive director of the RSC after leaking private conversations of members, will serve as deputy chief of staff for the Texas Republican firebrand, Cruz’s office said Monday morning.

In a statement Cruz said Teller’s “tireless work to advance conservative principles make him a tremendous addition to our team.”

So, a guy from the Republican House Study Committee who leaked information and got fired, got immediately hired by Ted Cruz.

And both of them are gloating.

First off, if he leaked at one place, he’ll leak in another.

Second off, he leaked to make himself feel important.  Can you even imagine how those two egos are going to fit into one office?  Whoa, that’s gonna be fun.

Third off, you know the story about the mother who saw her son in the marching band who was out of step and she remarked, “Look, everyone in the band is marching the wrong diction except for my son.”  That’s Ted Cruz’s Dad!

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

If you’re a school teacher in Nevada, here’s what we have for you.

You can now go into debt to buy supplies for your students.  In fact, they’re encouraging it and making it easy for you.  (Click the little one to get the big one.)

This is the Silver State School Credit Union.  A beginning teacher makes $34,684 in Nevada and probably has a truckload of college loans to pay off.  And, that teacher is expected to buy school supplies.

That’s a very cool way to keep taxes down.

Thanks to Ralph for the heads up.

Sometimes it warms my heart to see political corruption in other states.  It sorta reminds me that I don’t live in the ninth circle of hell, just like the fifth or sixth.

It’s Wisconsin, where Michael Eisenga, the wealthy owner of American Lending Solutions, thinks he’s paying too much in child support.  He hasn’t be able to find a judge who will lower it, so Eisnga is going one better.  Emails between Eisenga’s lawyer and Wisconsin state representative Rep. Joel Kleefisch show that Eisenga was clearly writing the law to let himself off the hook for child support in exchange for campaign donations.

Michael Eisenga: For Sale or Lease

The fun part of this story is that Kleefisch is a religious right nut.  He’s just a little bit better than you and he’ll remind you of that every chance he gets.  Letting a guy who has made a fortune in the payday lending business by ripping off poor people buy you to get out of paying child support must be what Jesus would do, right?  Otherwise a fine Christian man like Kleefisch wouldn’t do it, right?

I’m beginning to think that steeples on top of churches are a measuring stick to see if you can stack money that high.

Thanks to Ralph for the heads up.