I have no stinkin’ idea why we didn’t see this coming.  I should’ve seen this.  It had to happen.  I’m sorry I have to blindside you with it.

The religious right is rewriting the Bible.

Andrew Schlafly

Phyllis Schlafly’s (a name that causes cold shivers in any woman who was there in the 60’s) son has decided that the Holy Bible, The Good Book, is far too damn liberal.

No, no, no, no … I am not kidding you.

Liberal bias in the media pales in comparison to what you’ll find in your standard-issue Bibles, according to Conservapedia.com, a kind of Wikipedia for the religious right. The King James Bible, not to mention more recent translations like the New International Version (NIV), are veritable primers of progressive agitprop.

So, he’s getting together folks to help him re-translate it.

We have examples:

Take that story where the mob surrounds a woman accused of adultery and gets ready to stone her, but Jesus intervenes and says, “He who is without sin, let him cast the first stone” (John 7:53-8:11). It might have been a later addition that wasn’t in the original Gospels, according to some right-thinking, or rather right-leaning scholars. So the editors have excised this bleeding-heart favorite from the Good Book, and they’ve also removed Jesus’ words on the cross, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”

“The simple fact is that some of the persecutors of Jesus did know what they were doing,” Schlafly points out, proving that, “Jesus might never had said it at all.”

You mean they knew what they are doing – kinda like you, Mr. Heretic?

Yeah, and because Jesus was all about nurturing grudges.

… our mentors at Conservapedia recommend that we scratch the word “rich” and replace it with either “fully fed and entertained” or, if you prefer, “idle miser,” which have none of the Occupy Wall Street-ish sour grapes of the better-known translation.

Because Jesus really didn’t throw the moneychangers out of the temple.

My question is this:  where are you going to put the part about stocking up on ammo, Mr. Schlafly?  And the part about Kool-aid being good for you?

Thanks to Elizabeth Moon, great finagler of the Captcha, for the heads up.

So, Ted Cruz is distancing himself from the whacked out batcrap crazy stuff in the Officially Licensed Ted Cruz Coloring Book.

He admitted that he doesn’t think that Obamacare is “worse than any war,” which is oddly reassuring from a man who never fought in a war.

But listen to the man who is doing a fellowship in Political Stuntery.

“This is a city where it’s all politics all the time, and I’m trying to do my best to not pay attention to the politics, to focus on fixing the problem,” Mr. Cruz said. “I know that’s hard to believe because no one in this town does that. This is a time for people to step up and do the right thing and that’s what I’m trying to do.”

Holy crap in combat boots – the man has Political Whore tattooed on his butt.

Thanks to Brian for the heads up.

The Republican National Committee knows how to rile up its racist base, that’s for sure.

Boy Howdy – you could have heard them dragging crosses and gathering fire.  Poor victimized white people.

From Art Robinson comes “This is America, not Africa, either you are American or not, if not, leave the USA!”

Someone should tell Artie that Christmas isn’t an American holiday either. But Santa and Jesus are white, so THERE.

Terry Crowder is super upset because fake war on Christmas and ‘MERIKUH and “You can’t celebrate Christmas even using the “C” word is wrong and offencive [sic] to other cultures but you can promote Kwanzaa? America is truly going down the tubes when when not everyone is treated equally. Where is the “DIVERSITY” when you omit Christmas”

I seriously doubt that even one African American is going to scamper over and vote Republican because the RNC recognized Kwanzaa, but I’ll bet a whole bunch of them see how welcome the gesture was.

Yeah, I’m helping spread the word.

Ted Cruz, the man who jumped on the birther idiocy like a goat on clover, is finally getting around to renouncing his Canadian citizenship. Cruz says it’s just a technical issue. You know, like you can be technically pregnant without being actually pregnant. Or just technically dumb.

Ted assures us that he has nothing against Canada, but he’s unclear if Canada doesn’t have anything against him.

It all boils down to where Cruz’s mother was born and, of course, whether she was just technically pregnant with him. Where is Donald Trump when you really need him?

Personally, I think I could build a pretty damn good case that he’s a terror baby.

There’s a guy named Mark Jacobs running in the Republican primary for United States Senator in Iowa.  Only problems is – he’s a Texan.

Jacobs voted in Harris County from 2000 until the primary in 2012, where he made his first primary vote in all those years.  I suspect he just up and decided that Mitt Romney was his kind of guy but John McCain wasn’t.  Or Bush.

They seem a little peeved about it in Iowa but are completely clueless about Texas election law.  They say he’s eligible to vote in Texas until midnight on December 31st.  That’s incorrect.  In Texas, you re-register by voting.  Since he voted in 2012, he can vote again in 2014 unless he has notified the Texas Secretary of State that he’s moved.  In fact, double voting is kind of a tradition among Texas Republicans.

They also said he was a registered Independent in Texas.  In Texas, you do not register by party affiliation.  You are affiliated with a party when you vote in their primary.  I can switch parties without re-registering.

But, anyway, here’s the bottom line.  If Iowans want to elect a Texas Republican to the Senate, I say we send them Ted Cruz.  Hell, Honey, I’ll even buy his airplane ticket.

Well, here ya go with “The 13 craziest, most offensive things said by politicians in 2013” and Louie Gohmert makes the list twice.

12. “Mankind has existed for a pretty long time without anyone ever having to give a sex-ed lesson to anybody. And now we feel like, oh gosh, people are too stupid unless we force them to sit and listen to instructions. It’s just incredible.”

— Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-Texas), quoted by Right Wing Watch, adding that it all reminded him of the Soviet Union.

And …

9. “This administration has so many Muslim brotherhood members that have influence that they just are making wrong decisions for America.”

— Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-Texas), in an interview with WND Radio, explaining what he sees as President Obama’s downplaying of the threat of radical Islam.

And aren’t we proud?

Thanks to Monty for the heads up.