Archive for October, 2013

The Best Texas Republican Delegation That Money Can Buy

October 17, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

I couldn’t help but notice that the entire Texas Republican delegation voted against funding the government.

My friend Ole Farmer Bob put pencil to paper and checked to see how much money they got from The Koch Brothers.

 

Joe Barton       – $51,750
Kevin Brady      –  29,500
Michael Burgess  –  49,000
John Carter      –  37,000
Mike Conaway     –  39,500
John Culberson   –  48,000
Blake Farenthold –  21,000
Bill Flores      –  25,500
Louie Gohmert    –  28,000
Kay Granger      –   5,500
Ralph Hall       –   7,500
Jeb Hensarling   –  43,500
Sam Johnson      –  16,000
Kenny Marchant   –  22,500
Michael McCaul   –  33,000
Randy Neugebauer –  36,000
Pete Olson       –  30,000
Ted Poe          –  10,000
Pete Sessions    –  68,000
Lamar Smith      –  33,000
Steve Stockman   –       0
Mac Thornberry   –   2,000
Randy Weber      –  10,000
Roger Williams   –   3,000

We don’t know why Steve Stockman got left out.  I figure it’s because he’s stoned most of the time and can’t remember who bought him.

So now ya know.

Fun With Guns: Put a Contract on Your Opponent Edition

October 17, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

New Jersey has found a better way to win elections.  OK Corral style.

Atlantic County Sheriff Frank Balles has decided to run for the New Jersey State Senate.  He has a gun fetish and believes that the only kind of gun control we need is being able to hit your target … uh, or ask people to pull their guns when your opponent knocks on their doors.

Balles, who is training in the polls, made a speech in front of a mess of gun nuts.  And this happened:

Screen Shot 2013-10-17 at 10.24.42 AM“When someone’s been elected for 30 years and he comes knocking on your door and tells you, ‘Listen, this is what I want to do to help you,’ quickly close your door, go inside,” Balles said.

A member of the audience quickly interjected, “And get your gun!”

Balles quickly responded, “And get your gun, exactly!”

Well, it does save you from having to pay consultants and pay for mailers.

It Was Just a Matter of Time

October 17, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

They did it.  They are now officially driving us crazy.

Last night in the middle of the voting, the House stenographer unexpectedly took to the podium where the President delivers the State of the Union address and began screaming.

Do not be deceived. God shall not be mocked. A House divided cannot stand,” she said, according to a House GOP aide.

House members and aides were surprised and unsettled by the scene.

“I don’t know, she just snapped,” said a GOP aide.

CNN’s Dana Bash spoke with several staffers who knew the woman well.

“She’s a well-known person, she’s a perfectly nice person, a good colleague, somebody who’s respectable and dependable, and this is very surprising to everybody who works with her,” Bash reported on air.

I don’t mean to burst anybody’s bubble, but that exact scene was being acted out in living rooms all across America last night.

Only difference in my living room was that I was hollering “I shall not be mocked!”

Good Lord, they carted off the only sane person in the room.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

 

 

Two Cranky Old White Men Walk Into a Bar. The First Cranky Old White Man Says …

October 17, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

So Louie Gohmert said that John McCain supports Al Qaeda.  Out loud.

And Brian Williams just could not help himself.  He had to ask John McCain about it.

McCain, who in all fairness had days to come up with this line, says —

“On that particular issue, sometimes comments like that are made out of malice,” McCain told Williams. “But if someone has no intelligence, I don’t view it as being a malicious statement. You can’t respond to that kind of thing.”

In Texas, that translates to, “Bless his heart.  Louie is all smoke and no fire.”

 

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Thanks to everybody for the heads up and John for the cool graphic.

Congratulations, Senator Booker

October 16, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

I’m not saying that I have any kind of special relationship with Cory Booker, but if you’re ever in New Jersey and in emergency need of a United States Senator, give me a call.

 

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Yes, he really is that tall and he really is that good lookin’.  And totally charming.

Well, It Would Keep the Circus in Town a Week Longer

October 16, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

With a deal on the debt ceiling being dangerously close to happening, what will the Tea Partiers in Washington, DeeCee do with all that free time?

The answer, of course, comes from the Texas delegation.

Rep. Steve Stockman, R-Texas, received 435 copies of WND reporter Aaron Klein’s book “Impeachable Offenses: The Case for Removing Barack Obama From Office” and planned to distribute a copy to every member of the House.

Stockman told WND he believes the book has information every member of Congress should know, and he insists discussing impeachment should not be forbidden.

“Enforcing the Constitution and preserving limitations on executive authority aren’t just mainstream, they’re the law,” Stockman said.

Yeah, impeaching President Obama – that’s mainstream.

The GOP approval rating is just one crazy speech away from being in the single digits.  GO STOCKMAN!

Thanks to Kyle for the heads up.