Glenn Hegar is my State Senator.

For seven years in a row, the staff and customers of The World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc. have named him The Goofy is What Goofy Looks Like Champion of the Texas Senate.  Bless, his heart, most of the time he looks like he spent the night in the dishwasher.  Hell, mud fences crumble when he walks by.

Glenn has up and decided that he wants to run for Comptroller of the Great State of Texas.  The incumbent is retiring.  Winning the GOP primary will be a crap shoot because every third string Republican in Texas wants a damn government job.  Have you ever noticed how they hate government but want government’s signature on a check every month?

Anyway, Ole Glenn is one of those third string Republicans who wants to be Comptroller.

So, Glenn gets to thinking, What does Texas really need?  What can I do to help Texas?  A better educational system since we’re last in the nation?  No, not that.  Money to build roads since we’re having to replace paved roads with gravel ones?  Nope.  Health insurance for our citizens since we have the highest percentage in uninsured in America?   Heck, no.

What Texas really, really needs is a tax-free holiday for gun purchases!

.

Yep, since Texas has a tax free holiday for school supplies, it only makes sense to have a tax free holiday for guns and crap.  I mean what the fool tarnation could be better than guns, guns, no taxes, and guns!

And let’s not call it “Shoot up a school yard without the bother of pesky taxes,”  let’s call it …. prepare yourself …

.

… a family tradition.

So, guess who is shooting for the NRA endorsement?

Now, I have several questions about this deal.  My family likes to fish.  Will fishing equipment be included because fishing is kinda like hunting?  And if fishing is included, how about a bass boat?  And if it includes a bass boat would it include one of those super cool 200 foot yachts?  And how about a deer blind?  And how about clothes?  Does anything cammo count?  Including one of those cammo bikinis?  And how about banjos?  Ain’t you seen Deliverance?   You gotta have banjos.

Junior Janochek, Jr. wants to know if beer is tax free that day because you cannot go hunting without a case of beer.  It’s the law.   Just ask Dick Cheney.

Thelma’s family tradition is pool over at at Hobblin’ Henke’s Family Entertainment and Dance Hall.  She wants to know when you’re gonna get tax free pool day.  And a better haircut.  Thelma also wants to know that.

And what if hunting is not my family tradition, but maybe reading books is?  Can we have tax free book day?  Yeah, right.  I knew that was a shot in the dark.

Thanks to Nora for the heads up.

I just knew that someone would eventually see Republicans beating everyone over the head with their Bibles.

First the robber hit the gas station clerk with a Bible.

Blow after blow from the good book was delivered to the Circle K clerk’s face and head “in a boxing motion” while the employee loaded an ice cooler outside the store, according to a Toledo police report.

The man accused of hitting the clerk with the Bible and the ensuing tussle with police is Abbott Griffin, 57, of 2845 Eldora Dr., who was charged with aggravated robbery and held Friday in the Lucas County jail in lieu of $50,000 bond.

Well hell, it works for Republicans.

Thanks for the heads up to somebody who sent this to me yesterday but I seem to have lost the email and I can’t remember who it was.

From the Daily Courier-Observer in New York State —

To The Editor:

My shortest letter yet.

Dear Prime Minister Harper: Please recall our Senator Ted Cruz of Texas (born in Alberta, Canada) and Canada geese, as they are both full of it and spreading it far and wide.

Drusilla Howland
Ogdensburg

Speaking for the good people in Texas, thank you Drusilla.

.

Thanks to Donna S. for the heads up and John for the graphic .