Just when you began to think that there were no Democrats in Texas, along comes our Attorney General Greg Abbott to explain why we keep some around.

In answer to US Attorney General Eric Holder’s charge that Texas redistricting discriminates against minorities, Abbott’s office explains …

DOJ’s accusations of racial discrimination are baseless. In 2011, both houses of the Texas Legislature were controlled by large Republican majorities, and their redistricting decisions were designed to increase the Republican Party’s electoral prospects at the expense of the Democrats. It is perfectly constitutional for a Republican-controlled legislature to make partisan districting decisions, even if there are incidental effects on minority voters who support Democratic candidates.

So, the redistricting discriminates against Democrats and, by gawd, it is not Greg Abbott’s fault that minority voters vote Democratic.

Nobody know what Greg Abbott did with the money his momma gave him to go to law school.

Thanks to Kathleen for the heads up.

Oh, damn.

Louie Gohmert truly did kill two birds with one stone.

Louie has figured out that Islamic terrorists are learning to speak Spanish so they can pass as Mexicans.

Prepare your soul for this.

“The FBI director has confirmed more than once that we know that there are radical Islamists that change their names to Hispanic-sounding last names, they come to Mexico and get and ID, and some of them even learn a little bit of Spanish so that they can try to act as if they’re Hispanic,” Gohmert said (video below). “Why? Because we don’t have any fear of Hispanics coming into the country, but we’ve got concerns about radical Islamists.”

So how do you make people hate Muslims and Hispanics in one fatal blow?  Call Louie.

I have heard that there are East Texans posing as Americans and they even learn to speak a little redneck before they advocate secession and the violent overthrow of the United States of America.

Holy crap, Louie, are you in for a shock when you meet your maker because Sky King also made everybody else.

Thanks to all for the heads up.  I would like to add that this is my first post on the MacBook so that’s one down.

So, here’s the story.  A man in Norfolk, Virginia, in full daylight, was speeding down the street in a residential neighborhood where kids were playing in and around the street.

A couple of residents waved at him to slow down because – obviously – there were kids out playing.  Man does a U-Turn and comes back waving a pistol and hollering.  He wanted everybody to know that he has Second  Amendment rights which also give him neighborhood speeding rights.

In the process of scaring crap out of everybody, especially the little kids close by, the pistol goes accidentally goes off.

He shot himself, thank God.  In the groin, oh yes thank you very much God.

They say that God works in mysterious ways.  Nope.  God knows exactly what he’s doing.

Thanks to Hilary for the heads up.

Mike Huckabee, that bastion of Christian non-judgmental tolerance,  made little Baby Jesus cry today.  He said on his radio show that Muslims use holy days to be violent.

So the Muslims will go to the mosque, and they will have their day of prayer, and they come out of there like uncorked animals — throwing rocks and burning cars.

Uncorked animals?  Really?

He later adds that he didn’t mean “all” Muslims.  I guess he just means the ones who pray.

Thanks to Marge for the heads up.

Texas Congressvarmint Steve Stockman – who is even more crazy conservative than Louie Gohmert – sent out an email this morning asking people to donate to him so he can buy pizzas for his hard working Republican canvassers.

Honey, if they can’t afford their own dinner, they should not be Republicans.  Right?

So I figure that Stockman is just pocketing the money.

I need to warn you that Steve is only vaguely familiar with the English language, but he does have one very cool thing in his email about these canvassers.

That’s why I’m asking you to sponsor one extra-large pizza for $19.95, or a pizza and sodas for $23.95, or even two pizzas with drinks cokes for $33.00.

You might ask why they are going door to door in such weather.

Well the answer is quite simple.  The liberals are doing it and they are determined to turn not just our district from conservative to liberal, but the whole state of Texas.

Just last night in Harris County the Voter Register held a class to deputize people the register (sic) new voters.  Of the 50 people who took the class only two were Republican.

Way to go, Harris County.

Nice.

Thanks to Glen for the heads up.

This is an absolutely true story.  I promise.

One of my adorable in-laws decided to open a coffee shop.  Her mother, an elderly Southern Baptist woman who has rarely been outside her small town in Texas, simply refused to believe that people would pay a lot of money for coffee when they could make it so cheaply at home.  She was blissfully unaware of the Starbucks phenomenon.

My in-law, let’s call her Jean, tried to explain to her mother that people do, in fact, pay big money for coffee and will even buy it to-go from a drive through window just like the Dairy Queen.  When Jean explained that she would have different kinds of coffee, her mother argued, “There’s only one kind of coffee and it’s coffee.  Then there’s tea.”

Struggling for an answer, Jean said, “Mom, there’s many kinds of coffee.  We will be selling some very exotic coffees that you’ve never even heard about.”

That seemed to satisfy her.

A week later, Jean gets a call from the minister of First Baptist.  It seems that Jean’s mother is excitingly telling fellow Baptist church goers that her daughter is opening a coffee shop and will be selling erotic coffees.

Jean was mortified.  At least until she opened the shop a week later and the line of Baptist waiting to get in was down the sidewalk and around the corner.

And so it goes in other Southern states.  It seems that an unnamed Southern senator was in a closed door meeting and described our president much the same way.

President Obama was described as “exotic” by one senator from a Southern state during a closed-door meeting, Sen. Tom Harkin (D-Iowa) claimed Wednesday.

Harkin said the remark was made at a private event attended by nearly the entire Senate on filibuster reform.

Now begins the questions:  (1)  Which Southern Senatefool was it?, and (2) how long before it becomes erotic?

My guess is Lindsay Graham and not soon enough.