Well, come to find out, the cyberstalker guy who was Paul Ryan’s sole intern was also Newt Gingrich’s elephant.

Seriously.

I dunno, this guy was so creepy in his cyberstalking – he told women that he had naked pictures of them and that he would distribute those pictures unless they sent him more naked pictures – that you’d think  somebody would pick up on oh dear God, this guy IS STINKIN’ WEIRD.

But, no.

Creepy Dude Convention

Then we discover that he also worked in Newt’s campaign.  No, you are not allowed to talk about naked pictures of Newt.  My worst nightmare is that I get up one morning and there’s an email for me with naked pictures of Newt that says, “Please distribute.”   That should also be your worst nightmare.

So, creepy dude played a creepy elephant dude and nobody picked up on HOLY CRAP THIS GUY IS CREEPY.

Republicans – where creepy is normal.

Of course, it’s Photoshopped.  But, I love him anyway because you know he WANTED to do that.

A dozen Texas lawmakers sent a letter to three Connecticut gun manufacturers urging them to relocate to Texas because:

1.  We have plenty of crazy people.

2.  We have plenty of guns.

3.  So what we need is more crazy people with more guns.

Blabbering Blake

The best thing about this letter is that it’s a handy list of the Dozen Dopes in the Texas congressional delegation, with Blake Farenthold of Corpus Christi as their leader.  The dozen Texas congressvarmints who signed this letter have a pretty decent IQ if you add them all together.

You can read the letter right here.   I don’t have to read it because I know what it says …

It says, “Okay, so we have crappy education and even worse health care and most of our bridges are falling down and we’re tearing up our world-class university system but, Buddy, listen up!  You don’t have to pay any taxes because we have the aforementioned infrastructure   in Texas.  Besides, we rely on poor people to pay the taxes.  Plus, there ain’t no regulations.  We’ll let you blow up a few small towns like a beer can that was in the paint mixing machine down at the hardware store and do you think we blame you for it?  Hell, no.  We blame God.  So get your butt on down here and leave as big a hole as you need to.  We’re Texas.  We know more about unregulated bidness than a jackrabbit does about running.”

I can tell you for a dead solid guaranteed fact that those boys who signed that letter had to pay someone to write it for them and will have to hire someone else to read it back to them.

Here’s the paragraph I love best —

The letter itself also spotlights Perry’s business-friendly attitude: “Our governor is committed to providing advantages for manufacturers looking to relocate through initiatives like cash grants, low-interest loans, employee training programs and sales tax exemptions.”

And if you want the Alamo, we’ll give you the damn Alamo.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

Elizabeth Colbert Busch has agreed to debate Mark Sanford but that wasn’t enough for Hiking Mark.

So, today he debated a card cutout of Nancy Pelosi.

Ninety percent of viewers say she won.

Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX), who calls himself a “proud wacko bird,” told CBS News that President Barack Obama was plotting to make immigration reform fail so that Democrats could campaign on it in 2014 and 2016.

Hell, wacko birds are not even an endanger species in Texas.  We’ve got plenty, but Ole Ted is the Alpha Wacko Bird.

Thanks to Glen for the first heads up.

I’ll tellin’ ya – mean is contagious.

West Virginia lawmakers have decided to ask non-profits like the Rotary Club to provide free or reduced lunches to school children.  And children who live in rural neighborhoods or small towns with bad economies with no Rotary Club?  Screw ‘um.  They should have asked to be born rich.  If God really loved them, there would be manna all over the ground for them to eat.

But, one Republican lawmaker has a solution.

Ray, Rand Paul called. He wants his hair back.

“I think it would be a good idea if perhaps we had the kids work for their lunches: trash to be taken out, hallways to be swept, lawns to be mowed, make them earn it,” Del. Ray Canterbury (R-Greenbrier) said during floor debate. “If they miss a lunch or they miss a meal they might not, in that class that afternoon, learn to add, they may not learn to diagram a sentence, but they’ll learn a more important lesson.”

Yeah, like how to be a yardman or a maid at Ray Canterbury’s house.  And he could just pay them with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich because they are used to that.