A dozen Texas lawmakers sent a letter to three Connecticut gun manufacturers urging them to relocate to Texas because:

1.  We have plenty of crazy people.

2.  We have plenty of guns.

3.  So what we need is more crazy people with more guns.

Blabbering Blake

The best thing about this letter is that it’s a handy list of the Dozen Dopes in the Texas congressional delegation, with Blake Farenthold of Corpus Christi as their leader.  The dozen Texas congressvarmints who signed this letter have a pretty decent IQ if you add them all together.

You can read the letter right here.   I don’t have to read it because I know what it says …

It says, “Okay, so we have crappy education and even worse health care and most of our bridges are falling down and we’re tearing up our world-class university system but, Buddy, listen up!  You don’t have to pay any taxes because we have the aforementioned infrastructure   in Texas.  Besides, we rely on poor people to pay the taxes.  Plus, there ain’t no regulations.  We’ll let you blow up a few small towns like a beer can that was in the paint mixing machine down at the hardware store and do you think we blame you for it?  Hell, no.  We blame God.  So get your butt on down here and leave as big a hole as you need to.  We’re Texas.  We know more about unregulated bidness than a jackrabbit does about running.”

I can tell you for a dead solid guaranteed fact that those boys who signed that letter had to pay someone to write it for them and will have to hire someone else to read it back to them.

Here’s the paragraph I love best —

The letter itself also spotlights Perry’s business-friendly attitude: “Our governor is committed to providing advantages for manufacturers looking to relocate through initiatives like cash grants, low-interest loans, employee training programs and sales tax exemptions.”

And if you want the Alamo, we’ll give you the damn Alamo.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

Elizabeth Colbert Busch has agreed to debate Mark Sanford but that wasn’t enough for Hiking Mark.

So, today he debated a card cutout of Nancy Pelosi.

Ninety percent of viewers say she won.

Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX), who calls himself a “proud wacko bird,” told CBS News that President Barack Obama was plotting to make immigration reform fail so that Democrats could campaign on it in 2014 and 2016.

Hell, wacko birds are not even an endanger species in Texas.  We’ve got plenty, but Ole Ted is the Alpha Wacko Bird.

Thanks to Glen for the first heads up.

I’ll tellin’ ya – mean is contagious.

West Virginia lawmakers have decided to ask non-profits like the Rotary Club to provide free or reduced lunches to school children.  And children who live in rural neighborhoods or small towns with bad economies with no Rotary Club?  Screw ‘um.  They should have asked to be born rich.  If God really loved them, there would be manna all over the ground for them to eat.

But, one Republican lawmaker has a solution.

Ray, Rand Paul called. He wants his hair back.

“I think it would be a good idea if perhaps we had the kids work for their lunches: trash to be taken out, hallways to be swept, lawns to be mowed, make them earn it,” Del. Ray Canterbury (R-Greenbrier) said during floor debate. “If they miss a lunch or they miss a meal they might not, in that class that afternoon, learn to add, they may not learn to diagram a sentence, but they’ll learn a more important lesson.”

Yeah, like how to be a yardman or a maid at Ray Canterbury’s house.  And he could just pay them with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich because they are used to that.

Republicans in Missouri have stumbled into the Land of Late Night Talk Radio.

It started innocently enough.

Melissa Wilson, the lovely bride of Republican state Rep. Kenneth Wilson, heard about a United Nations initiative called Agenda 21, which Republicans believe is a conspiracy to use a mind-control tactic called the Delphi technique to turn the United States of America into a socialist state where you are required to be nakkid on the back porch every Tuesday morning.  Okay, so I made up the nakkid part but I had you going there, didn’t I?

Now I’m taking this straight from the Agenda 21 Scaresite.

Glenn Beck sounded the alarm last year, claiming that the term “sustainable development” is actually code for “centralized control over all of human life on planet Earth.” The ultra-conservative John Birch Society drafted a resolution for the upcoming Republican National Convention in opposition to Agenda 21, calling it “a comprehensive plan of extreme environmentalism, social engineering, and global political control.”

UN Agenda 21 – Coming to a Town near You!

The International Leftists are working to take away your rights, and your freedoms, as individuals through a policy known as Agenda 21. The politicians at the federal level, state level, and local level have just about all bought into this devious international plot to destroy American sovereignty.

Yeah, so nakkid on the back porch is pretty tame.

So Melissa got her husband Ken all frisky over this outrage (outrage passes for foreplay in Republican households) and she got Ken blubbering and sputtering over how the UN was a’comin’ to take his guns and it’s a pretty well-known fact that Republican men can’t even get frisky without their guns nearby to remind them what it looks like.

Anyway, I’m getting to the point here in a minute.

Since we know that crazzzy is contagious among Republicans, Ken got all his fellow state Republicans running around in a frenzy of outrage so they up and decided to stop issuing driver’s license.

Yeah, driver’s licenses.

I know you’re trying to make the connection between the United Nations and driver’s licenses.  Don’t venture there alone because you might hurt your thinking mechanism.  Let me guide you.

The 2005 federal Real ID Act requires states to retain a database of scanned documents for verifying identity. Missouri appeared to be the only state where the license bureau was charged with printing concealed carry permits, either on driver’s licenses or as a separate document.

But lawmakers have recently become increasingly concerned that gun records would be shared with federal officials to create a gun registry that could lead to confiscations.

So, if Glen Beck tells you that there’s a secret government ID on the sole of your foot, the solution is to shoot yourself in the head.

Now, I’d like to suggest some mind control of my own.  If you live in Missouri, and God love ya if you do, go on over to the driver’s license bureau and find every 16 year old waiting in line on his birthday to get his long awaited driver’s license.  Tell him that there will be no driver’s license today because Glen Beck is ordering Republicans to keep him off the street simply because some some Republican wife needs her husband to be frisky.

Now, right there, right then you have a Democrat for life.

Personally, I think this whole thing is a conspiracy to do away with driver’s licenses so that drunks and blind Republicans can drive in Missouri.  That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Thanks to Mike for the heads up.

Out of the clear blue, with no warning or whispers at all, the Texas House took the first step to do away with the state lottery today.

In an outcome that left many House members stunned, a bill to continue the Texas Lottery Commission failed on Tuesday, potentially abolishing scratch-off tickets, charity bingo and other popular games of chance and blowing a new hole in the state budget.

The House voted 65-81 on House Bill 2197 which would have continued the functions of the Texas Lottery Commission. The vote reflected a growing sentiment among House members that the lottery unfairly preys on the state’s low-income residents.

This, however, means that we’ll now have a $2.2 billion hole in the Texas budget.

I understand that the lottery preys on the poor and is a tax on people who are bad at math.  But, last year $963 million was transferred to the Foundation School Account. Another $8.1 million was transferred to the Texas Veterans Commission.

So, we’re still hurting the least powerful among us.  And if you think Rick Perry is going to ask the super rich or corporations to make up that loss, you’re doing drugs.  Lotsa drugs.

By the way, they will also do away with VFW Bingo night and bingo at Catholic churches.  This will not be good news to small towns with VFW halls.  I suspect we’ll start betting on dominoes.

Never mind.  http://trailblazersblog.dallasnews.com/2013/04/house-votes-against-continuing-state-lottery.html/