Republicans have no sense of humor and no ability to understand satire.

If published today, Jonathan Swifts’s A Modest Proposal would send them scurrying to prayer meetings and put Fox News into overdrive.  Ted Cruz, however,  would only see it as unreasonable if it were written by Barack Obama.   If he thought Newt Gingrich wrote it, he’d be willing to amend it to include his mother.

Republicans have it floored in neutral.

You know that rumor that Chuck Hagel was getting money from Friends of Hamas?  It was a joke started by a reporter who operated under the mistaken belief that Republicans would know that he was joking.

Friedman wrote that he was interested in knowing if Hagel’s Republican critics knew the names of specific groups from which Hagel received speaker fees. He contacted a Republican aide and “hypothetically and hyperbolically” asked if Hagel addressed groups such as “Friends of Hamas” or the “Junior League of Hezbollah, in France.”

The Daily News’ Dan Friedman was jacking with them.  Nobody in their right mind would think such organizations even existed.

I think the key here is “right mind.”

Friedman also put the question into email form, presumably thinking his joke would not be taken seriously. He was in for a surprise.

The following day, an article appeared on the conservative website Breitbart.com with the headline, “SECRET HAGEL DONOR?: WHITE HOUSE SPOX DUCKS QUESTION ON ‘FRIENDS OF HAMAS.'” Conservative pundits, including Mike Huckabee, and other websites also addressed the rumor. It even came up during a Fox Business segment with host Lou Dobbs.

And then it ended up in Ted Cruz’s mouth in the damn United States Senate.

So a joke ends up in the mouth of a joke.

I would like to make a modest proposal:  Ted Cruz has to call David Letterman to run his statements through the joke machine before he’s allowed to say anything else.

Alabama State Representative Mary Sue McClurkin has introduced a bill to make a felony for a nurse or a doctor to perform an abortion.  She’s studied up on this stuff and announced …

“When a physician removes a child from a woman, that is the largest organ in a body,” the lawmaker declared. “That’s a big thing. That’s a big surgery. You don’t have any other organs in your body that are bigger than that.”

I guess she’s never seen the lungs on Dolly Parton, huh?

Back to studying, Mary Sue, because there will be a test on this.

Thanks to Brian for the heads up.

Last night I went to see a friend in the hospital.  Her name is Mojo, she’s 85 years old, and was in the hospital because she fainted.  Mojo cast her first vote for Franklin Roosevelt and has voted straight Democratic since then.

She was not a happy woman because the doctors put her on a heart-healthy diet, which means she couldn’t have salt on her eggs.  She’s 85 years old and has eaten salt on her eggs her entire life and this is her first trip to the hospital since she had a baby.  Give the woman some damn salt.  Whatever she is doing must be working.  I want my obituary to read, “She died at age 85, after not having been sick a day in her life and living in her own home, of … you guessed it, salt.”

I took her cupcakes.  Screw ‘um.

Anyway, leaving the hospital, which is St. Luke’s Episcopal Hospital (keep that name in mind), at about 7:30, there were protestors.  Three woman in the dark on the street corner outside of St. Luke’s Episcopal Hospital.

Good grief.

I mean, holy cow.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot.

I did not give them a cupcake.

I think I told you about our sheriff here in Fort Bend, Troy Nehls, who thinks he is a lawyer because he went to Jerry Falwell’s online Liberty University.  He’s the guy who called the President “a clown.”  He’s also of the belief that Second Amendment is absolute, so I should be able to own a nuclear weapon, a bomber, and the biggest damn diesel powered turbo pumpkin chunker in a five state area.

Well, there’s more than one of him.

We have right here a little You Tube – Momma, do NOT watch this – from Mark Kessler, Police Chief of the Gilberton, Pennsylvania.  I need to warn you that Chief Kessler is a man who loves to use the F word, mainly because it’s one of the 50 or so words he knows.   Kessler is trying to get together a posse, no wait – “a Reserve Force” to stave off Hitler, no wait, Obama from taking away his guns.

You’re gonna love this and also the radio reporter interviewing him.

Thanks to Hippie in the Hollar for the heads up.

Scott Brown says he doesn’t drink much ….

“The last time I was ever drunk was at my bachelor party and that was what? — 28 years ago, 27 years ago,” Brown said. “So I guess no one has ever pocket dialed or pocket tweeted before.”

Click the picture on the far right (appropriately) to see Scott Brown’s wee hours of the morning tweets that he now claims were “butt tweets.”

I dunno.  My butt rarely knows the name of the person I’m tweeting back at.  So either you can believe that (1) not only is Scott Brown smart, even his ass is smart, or (2) he drinks a  lot.

I’m going with the smartass thing.

Ted Cruz is going to be on the 700 Club and get washed in the blood of the lamb or something.

They are calling him The Great Conservative Hope.  As customer Dianne says, “I think they really wanted to call him The Great White Hope, but realized on a technicality they couldn’t.”

But, there is good news involved from this headline on the 700 Club website:

Oh, so he hasn’t noticed that NOBODY has seriously mentioned his name.

Here’s the part I don’t get.  He’s Cuban, born in Canada, and lists his religion as Southern Baptist.  Not just Baptist, but Southern Baptist.  You know the difference, don’t you?  Baptists are Southern Baptist who can read, stopped using the N word twenty years ago, and have been known to drink a glass of champagne while dancing.

Thanks to Dianne for the heads up.