Okay, y’all, we don’t have to secede.  We’re gonna get kicked out.

Kacal - All balls and no bullets

State Rep. Kyle Kacal said something incredibly stoopid to the Aggie Newspaper, The Eagle.  When you are stand-out dumb in Bryan-College Station, where the competition is fierce, you win a real special-dumb award.  It takes years of practice and lots of lost IQ points to be extra special dumb in Aggieville.

Kacal was discussing trying to do something about assault weapon violence and tried to offer up what the real problem in America is.

For example, Kacal, who lives on a 2,400-acre ranch in Brazos County, said he wouldn’t support a proposed bill instructing residents how to secure their assault weapons.

“People know what they need to do to be safe. We don’t need to legislate that — it’s common sense,” he said. “Once everyone’s gun is locked up, then the bad guys know everyone’s gun is locked up.”

Kacal echoed a common nationwide argument that guns don’t kill people, people kill people.

“I’ve heard of people being killed playing ping-pong — ping-pongs are more dangerous than guns,” he said. “Flat-screen TVs are injuring more kids today than anything.”

Little did I know about ping pong violence.  I mean, here I sit  in my little world, innocent of the fact that ping-pongs are more dangerous than guns and that flat screen tvs are the real enemy of children.

Why, come to find out,  last week alone there were ten ping-pong drive bys and a dozen cases of carrying balls without a license – something that obviously Kacal could never be indicted for.

And we have got to do something about these murdering flat screen tvs.  Those suckers sneak into banks and commit robberies every day, throwing around their weight as a threat.

Ping pongs.  No, y’all, seriously.  He said ping pongs.  I guess he was looking in a mirror.

Or something.

Oh Lord, put Texas out of its misery.

Thanks to JustSuze and Brian C for the heads up.

Being as how this is the last day on earth, I’m eating Bend & Jerry’s ice cream with one hand and grabbing Dennis Quaid with the other.

You got any plans?

I have given birth to three 11 year old boys, at differing times, of course.  I know 11 year old boys and like my friend Elizabeth says, “They think in spurts, like a dotted line, with no-thinking going on in between.”

One 11 year old’s parents in Utah are hogging all the dumb.

An 11-year-old boy in Utah reportedly told classmates that his parents recommended that he take a gun to school for defense after the recent mass shooting at an elementary school in Connecticut.

According to KSTU, students at West Kearns Elementary School notified teachers after the sixth grader pulled a .22 caliber pistol out of his backpack on Monday morning.

I’d rather tap dance through a mine field than ponder where this is going.

Thanks to Elizabeth for the heads up.

Speaking on the radio today, Newt said that the Sandy Hooks Elementary School massacre was “tied to a godless society.”

“When you have an anti-religious, secular bureaucracy and secular judiciary, seeking to drive God out of public life, something fills the vacuum,” Gingrich said. “I don’t know that going from communion to playing war games, in which you practice killing people is necessarily an improvement.”

Gee, I thought adultery filled the vacuum.

At first, Gingrich thought it was caused by divorce, hypocrisy, and short chubby ex congressmen who won’t waddle away, but he decided God was to blame instead.

What a sumbitch God is – taking it out on innocent little children because Newt Gingrich misbehaved most of his adult life.

How ’bout this one?  Saves the State of Texas a whole mess of money in lawsuits.

Two Texas woman, Angel and Ashley Dobbs, were stopped by State Troopers for the crime of throwing a cigarette butt out their car window.  A third trooper was called to the scene because one of the troopers smelled marijuana inside the car – a car registered to Angel’s boyfriend.

The third trooper – a female – proceeded to do what needs to be done when the heinous smell of marijuana happens in Texas – she did a cavity search.

The lawsuit alleges that Helleson used her fingers to search inside each woman’s genital areas. The suit also says that the trooper did not change the glove she was wearing and performed the search without consent. Angel Dobbs, who was driving her boyfriend’s car at the time, also passed a field sobriety test.

The suit also says Helleson failed to properly explain the extent of the search, telling Angel Dobbs, 38, “not to worry about” why she was putting on blue latex gloves.

“This intrusive cavity search occurred on the side of a public freeway illuminated by lights from the police vehicle in full view of the passing public,” the lawsuit reads. “Moreover, this roadside body cavity search was done without her consent.”

No drugs were found in the car and both women were stone cold sober.

An Actual Picture of the One Pair of Actual Rubber Gloves

The Texas Rangers investigated and sent the case to the Dallas County District Attorneys office.

So, a DPS Trooper did two body cavity searches on the side of the road in full view of the public because they “smelled” marijuana.

Drive friendly, y’all.

Thanks to Brian for the heads up.

Sometimes it’s more fun than watching the circus to see someone get fired.

Ted Nugent.

In addition to cancelling its popular “American Guns” reality show, The Discovery Channel confirmed to Raw Story on Tuesday that firearms enthusiast Ted Nugent will also not be returning to the channel in any form or fashion.

Somehow, I don’t think you should use the words form and/or fashion when speaking of Ted Nugent.

Instead, let’s use crazy self-promoting sumbitch.

Thanks to Ralph for the heads up.