So, Yahoo! has a story this morning saying poo on all of you because Mitt Romney never wanted to be President anyway.  So there.

Mitt’s son, Tagg, says the whole deal was a set-up to screw the Koch Brothers out of money.

“He wanted to be president less than anyone I’ve met in my life. He had no desire to . . . run,” said Tagg, who worked with his mother, Ann, to persuade his father to seek the presidency. “If he could have found someone else to take his place . . . he would have been ecstatic to step aside.

Okay, okay, Tagg didn’t say the “screwing the Koch Bothers” but that’s exactly what happened.

Now, let’s see about the someone else part —-

So, I just want to thank Mitt Romney for his sacrifice.  I am certain that Karl Rove, Sheldon Adleson, the Kochs, and all those folks who spent their money trying to get Mitt elected join me in saying, “Oh, so that’s what happened!”

But, come to think of it, nobody ever asked him, “Do you want to be President?”

Thanks to Brian for the heads up.

Okay, I just watched Wayne LaPierre on Meet the Press, which ain’t really Meet the Press, it’s Meet David Gregory.

Anyway, Ole Wayne has loco camped out in his eyeballs.

Y’all, this man is not sane enough to have a gun.  Hell, I wouldn’t give  him pointed scissors.  Or maybe even scissors at all because then he could cut his way out of the straitjacket we need to order for him.

Ole Wayne is calling for a national database of people suffering from mental illness, like that’s something you can see, you know,  like psoriasis.  Okay, maybe that’s not the point I want to make since Ole Wayne’s mental illness is … well, camped out in his eyeballs right there for everyone to see.

I’m willing to bet monkeys that Ole Wayne is right this minute forming a new capitalism enterprise of “Rent-A-School-Cop.”  They have a line like, “We know it didn’t work at Columbine, but our guards have cannons and crap.”  Ole Wayne can retire to someplace nice where they don’t need stinkin’ school guards because they don’t have stinkin’ guns everywhere.

Ole Wayne was real insistent that we needed to get guns out of the hands of drug dealers.  Okay, let me count here.  How many drug dealers have gone in and shot up schools?  Ummm … exactly none.

The NRA has 3 million members.  There are 36 million members of the AARP.  I say we take ‘um.  We have canes, scooters, colostomy bags, medical marijuana, and the entire Rolling Stones.   I say we can take them and get in line for the Denny’s early bird special by 5:00.

Meet up over at the Arthritis Clinic at noon tomorrow.  Hell, we stopped a war in Vietnam.  We can do this.

Like I’ve said before, the only man in a dress who I trust is RuPaul.  Well, and maybe Lady Gaga, I haven’t decided on that one yet.

But, it’s definitely not the Pope.  Maybe it’s because he wears a wedding dress every day, I dunno.  I just don’t trust that guy.

So now the Pope is saying, get this, “future of mankind is at stake over gay marriage.”

Say Yes To The Dress

Well, I guess in a purely biological sense, he’s right.  I mean, if everybody gets the gay, there won’t be reproduction and Toys R Us will go out of business.  On the other hand, if that’s his reasoning, then the priesthood is a threat to mankind.

However, in a theological / social sense, he’s freekin’ nuts.

So, he’s saying that gay is more of a threat than divorce, murder, war, poverty, nuclear crap, mutant virus, zombies, and a Robert Palmer reunion tour?  Look, total gay may be a slight threat to the NFL but even pro wrestling is safe.

On Monday, the Vatican’s newspaper described laws on gay marriage as an attempt at a communist-like “utopia”, a day after tens of thousands of demonstrators turned out in France to support legalizing both marriages and adoption for gay couples.

Okay, okay, he said communism.  What the hell does gay have to do about controlling the means of production?  Unless he means production as not having babies, that’s just goofy.

Secondly, since when did utopia become a bad thing?

Third, what’s some Nazi doing talking about communism?  Look, I know the last German to do that was Hitler, but the comparison isn’t completely inappropriate in this case.

Hey Pope, I don’t mean to be disrespectful or anything, but kiss my butt.

As if the Texas Department of Public Safety haven’t has enough bad publicity lately, what with roadside strip searches, yesterday they arrested Santa Claus in front of the State Capitol with children watching.

Santa was committing the heinous crime of giving chalk to children to write their wishes for the holidays on the sidewalk in front of the capitol.  The children wrote horrible words like Peace, Love, Community, Harmony, and there were absolutely no dirty words because, dammit, Santa was watching.  However, these words are known to be against the peace and dignity of the State of Texas.

Along come the Troopers and cuff an obviously dangerous, and completely distraught, Santa in full view of children and their parents.  Several people taped the event, but those that did got their picture taken by the Troopers.  I suspect that since Troopers have no honor left, intimidation and guns is all they have.

The Troopers told the crowd that Santa was being arrested for chalking the sidewalk.  When the crowd explained that Santa didn’t chalk- the children did, they decided to arrest him for resisting arrest.  There’s a video of that, too.

They end up with 6 Troopers, 2 patrol cars, and two Troopers in full riot gear to take Santa to the pokey.

As one man says at the end, “This is messed up, Dude.”

Momma is having her 87th birthday today.  We’re having a party here at the beauty salon with her daughter, her daughter-in-laws, her granddaughters and her granddaughters-in-law and her great granddaughters.  It’s going to be a fiesta of Aqua Net, shiny, and oooohhhs.  Everybody has arrived in town early for Christmas to celebrate Momma.

So, y’all keep up with things until this evening.  If the world ends for you people on the East Coast, give me a heads up so I can have an extra Margarita.  And if Sweet Jesus comes back, send him over to to Momma’s party.  He’d feel right at home with Momma.  But if that mean hateful vindictive Jesus comes back, send him on over, too, so I can read the new testament to him.

Momma with my niece opening birthday presents.

His Plan B became the morning-after apocalypse pill.

Click here.

Thanks to Texas Ellen for the great You Tube.