So there’s this play called “The Bible: Complete Word of God, Abridged” and you could perform it at the Ladies Quilting Society in the basement of the Lutheran Church.  It’s not sacrilegious.  It’s funny.

One joke from the play – and it’s the dirtiest one.

For instance, it has Moses coming down from the mountain, saying, “Children of Israel, I’ve got good news and bad news. The good news is I talked Him down to 10. The bad news is adultery is still one of them.”

But, we all know that the rightwing have all had a humorectomy – especially when it comes to laughing at themselves.  So, there shall be no laughter.

Eliason: Knows Youth. Misses It.

A play that has been performed for 17 years, including at the Kennedy Center and hundreds of churches across the county is now banned in Wisconsin state parks.  Some 76 year old damfool with a cheap toupee named Vic Eliason had a hissy fit. “Eliason is an evangelical clergyman in Milwaukee who runs the VCY (Voices of Christian Youth) America Radio Network.”  Not for a million dollars would I trust this guy around my kids.

But Vic gets all his listeners to literally harass everybody on the board of the group who puts on this show.

Eliason also gave out the phone numbers of the DNR’s top two officials and told listeners to ask them why the state was allowing this play to go on, and why it was profiting from it. (The agreement with SummerStage and the Lapham Peak State Park is that 5 percent of ticket sales go to the park, Eliason said.)

Yes, harassment is a Christian value.

But, of course, this is the part of the story you’ve been expecting —

Eliason admits he never saw the play or read the script. “Sir, let me tell you this: I saw enough of the trailers alone to turn my stomach,” he said. The trailer he broadcast on August 9 ran the joke about Moses and the Ten Commandments. Eliason prefaced it by saying: “I almost hesitate to play these words on a Christian station.”

Dude, you are 76 years old with a bad toupee.  Hang it up – you need to let go of this whole youth thing.  Go sit on the porch and throw rocks at little children.

Thanks to Kathleen for the heads up.

In case you haven’t heard, the Democratic National Convention is going to be like, well, you know, the Nazis.

American Family Association spokesman Bryan Fischer on Focal Point today scolded the Democratic Party for promoting pro-choice speakers for the Democratic National Convention in Charlotte, saying that the convention has turned into a “three day death camp.” After quoting HotAir blogger Ed Morrissey who called the DNC “abortion-palooza,” Fischer said the DNC will be a “three day Auschwitz.”

It delights me to say that most delegates will be there five days, not three, and it is our sole goal to make the Nazis look like a bunch of Quakers.

Thanks to Ralph for the heads up.

Rush Limbaugh must have some very good spies.  He always seems to catch us at our liberal conspiracies.  You know, like the time he said that The Dark Knight Rises is an anti-Romney conspiracy.  And then there’s that whole UN troop thing.

And he caught us again.  Speaking of the hurricane about to hit Tampa, Rush let the cat out of the bag.

I can see Obama sending FEMA in in advance of the hurricane hitting Tampa so that the Republican convention is nothing but a bunch of tents in Tampa, a bunch of RVs and stuff. Make it look like a disaster area before the hurricane even hits there.

Oh Rush, Honey Dumplin’, we don’t need tents and RV’s to make Tampa look like a disaster area – we have Paul Ryan and Todd Akin already doing that for us.

And, oh, by the way, Chubby Hubby, do you think Obama might do a better job of disaster relief with Issac than Bush did with Katrina?  You better hope so, Bud.

Thanks to Robert for the heads-up.

Oh, Republicans, you are such helpful people.

There’s a Republican running for congress in Michigan named Kerry Bentivolio who used to be a school teacher.  I say used to be because he resigned.  After loads of complaints that he’s meaner than a two stinger yellow jacket.

Bless his heart, Mr. Bentivolio has all the personal appeal of a mud fence.  But apparently that’s his best quality.  He thought it was fun to intimidate students.  That’s the Republican bully in his soul – the thug in him came out in front of kids.

Kerry Bentivolio, a Milford Republican candidate for the 11th Congressional District in Michigan (Oakland and Wayne counties — the Romneys grew up in Oakland County Michigan), told his students his goal was to make them cry and he added, “You’re just a paycheck to me.”

Dude, you have no idea what you are to me.  Wanna hear it?  I thought not.

Anyway, the Detroit Free Press outlined Mr. Bentivolio’s abuse of power of students, which included, “that he had one goal: to make each one of them cry at least once,” and “intimidating and threatening students by grabbing their desks and yelling in their faces or for slamming his fists on their desks.”

I dunno, maybe congressional power might go to his head and he’ll start walking down the street knocking walkers out from under old ladies or shoving medicare patients off cliffs.  Think of the fun he’d have with that.

Congressional Republicans:  we’re nothing but a paycheck to them.

Thanks to Ralph for the heads up.

Those of you who so generously donated to help us buy bags for our Get Out The Vote Effort, I have not forgotten about your yard signs.

They came in today!  I will spend this weekend writing your names on them and sending them to you by email.  Your postcards have been addressed and are ready to mail from Charlotte during the convention.

If any of you missed this rare and valuable opportunity, we are now raising money to buy a big ole newspaper ad.

And, I have 20 more postcards I can mail from the convention.

Those of you who are given are the best!

Most of you know that Alfredo over at the Dairy Queen just really, really hates Citizens United.  In fact, he has named the big ole dumpster trash bin outback “Citizens United,” along with two of the urinals in men’s room.

You don’t have to take that on faith, either, because we got Jim Bob over at Happy Hollow Trailer Park to go in take a picture of it for us.  The third urinal is named Dubya, which kinda lets you know how much Alfredo really, really hates Citizen United.  We didn’t get a picture of that because it’s mostly smudged off from overuse.

Anyway, Alfredo has been spending his spare time working on a project to let average citizens, like you and me (and I’m just taking it on faith here that you’re average like me and not some multimillionaire looking to give me a big book contract) have a say-so in politics when we band together.

After months and months of work, Alfredo’s dream has come true.

President Obama’s reelection campaign will begin accepting donations sent by text messages this week, marking the first foray into a potentially lucrative new avenue of grass-roots fundraising for federal candidates.

The program, announced by campaign officials early Thursday, will allow supporters to send contributions of less than $50 by texting “GIVE” to 62262 — which corresponds with the letters in “Obama.”

And all this was brought about by two lawyers who thought it was a great idea to have a “Big Bang” in political contributions by regular folks at all levels of political campaigns, not just President Obama. This is a very big deal!

So, if you need a hero today, I want you to think about two lawyers who made a major difference in campaign finance.  They equaled the scales a little.  They did the hard work.  And they used Alfredo’s urinal.

If you want to leave a message for Alfredo, letting him know that his hard work is deeply appreciated by all good Americans, here’s where to do it.

Thanks to Alfredo … for everything.