Mitt in 1994.

As the Boston Globe reported, back on April 19, 1994: “With the tax-filing deadline looming, Republican Senate candidate Mitt Romney yesterday challenged Sen. Edward M. Kennedy to disclose his state and federal taxes to prove he has ’nothing to hide’…”

But, you know, the world has changed a lot since 1994.  Politicians are no longer crooked, it’s now legal to cheat on your taxes, and Sheryl Crow discovered that wasn’t all she wanted to do.

Thanks to Brian for the heads up.

When I saw the headline that said, “Aurora Shootings Result Of ‘Ongoing Attacks On Judeo-Christian Beliefs,” I knew who said it without even reading the story.

The most dangerous place on earth is the area between Texas Congressman Louie Gohmert and a microphone immediately following a tragedy.  Louie will shoot you and then eat you to get to that microphone.

Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-Texas) said Friday that the shootings that took place in an Aurora, Colo. movie theater hours earlier were a result of “ongoing attacks on Judeo-Christian beliefs” and questioned why nobody else in the theater had a gun to take down the shooter.

During a radio interview on The Heritage Foundation’s “Istook Live!” show, Gohmert was asked why he believes such senseless acts of violence take place. Gohmert responded by talking about the weakening of Christian values in the country.

Oh dear Lord.   In the second sentence Louie says …

Gohmert also said the tragedy could have been lessened if someone else in the movie theater had been carrying a gun and took down the lone shooter. Istook noted that Colorado laws allow people to carry concealed guns.

Because nothing quite says I Love Jesus  as well as a gun.

So, here’s Louie’s solution to gun violence:  we need to return to God and the way we return to God is by carrying a gun.

Louie made the devil giggle this morning.

No thanks to the dozens of people for the heads-up. Sorry, guys, Louie is a damfool.

Oh, y’all.

Seriously.

She’s fallen and she can’t get up.

Michele Bachmann believes in the boggy man, but he’s not under her bed, he’s everywhere, he’s everywhere!  And sometimes he’s a she.

U.S. Rep. Michele Bachmann is facing a public firestorm over her accusations that the Muslim Brotherhood is infiltrating the federal government and working for “America’s demise.”

Her attacks, including one directed at Huma Abedin, an aide to Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton, prompted Sen. John McCain, the 2008 Republican nominee for president, to denounce her from the Senate floor on Wednesday, where he defended Abedin and called Bachmann’s comments “specious and degrading.”

I’m not saying that John McCain is the greatest man who ever lived, but, dammit, he’s got the dignity to stand up to such fruitcake baking.

Personally, I think she’s like Ann Coulter – she will say anything to get attention.

And who else is on that Look At Me! list?  Louie Gohmert.

They were also signed by Republican Reps. Louie Gohmert (Texas), Trent Franks (Ariz.), Thomas Rooney (Fla.) and Lynn Westmoreland (Ga).

Lookie here, please don’t tell them that I’m a member of the Democratic Party, the Saucy Ladies Book Confab, and the wine of the month club.  I am certain that they’ll call me the boggy man, too.

Thanks to Claudia for the heads-up.

Come to find out, Texas is wanting to check our voter rolls against a federal immigrant database to try to weed out non-citizens from the Texas voter rolls.

Texas Secretary of State officials were drafting a letter Wednesday formally requesting access to the Department of Homeland Security database, which contains more than 100 million immigration records, said Rich Parsons, an agency spokesman.

Texas Secretary of State Esperanza “Hope” Andrade, an appointee of Republican Texas Gov. Rick Perry, is the latest GOP elections leader to request access to the database since Homeland Security officials last week granted Florida permission to use the database.

Due to a mix-up in the Things a Mother Should Know guidebook, there are actually some people in the world with the same name.  I know, it’s hard to believe that we haven’t fixed that yet.

So, if your name is Carlos Garcia, odds are better than average that there’s one or two other Carlos Garcias in the world and one of them might be on the immigration database.

In fact, if your name is Esperanza Andrade, like Rick Perry’s appointed Secretary of State who is requesting these records, you might he crusin’ for a brusin’ on voting day.  I had a friend find out exactly how many Esperanza Andrades there are on the Texas voting records.

More than two or three.  There are 8 Esperanza Andrades registered to vote in Texas.  So, if there is even one Esperanza Andrade on the federal immigration list, do all 8 of these nice ladies get their voter registration card revoked?

Since Hispanics in Texas vote overwhelming Democratic, your thinking mechanism wouldn’t kink-up by supposing that this is just another attempt to deny minorities the right to vote.

By the way, there are 84 Alberto Gonzales’s registered to vote in Texas, but only one Karl Rove.

Thanks to Kyle for the heads-up.

Now I know I’m not supposed to talk about Ann Romney because the Republicans never, ever, in any way whatsoever speak ill of Michelle Obama, now or ever.

Flip it!  I’m sick to death of dancing horses, car elevators, and God-only-knows how many houses while her husband espouses taking health care away from little children and lowering the minimum wage.  I do not begrudge her wealth.  I begrudge how she got that wealth and her damn arrogance about it.  She got that wealth by robbing the middle class of their jobs.

And, now she’s done it.  You people?  Did Ann Romney just refer to the rest of America, including damn near everybody in the GOP, as “you people?”

Oh, have pity on us, Ann, we of the not-rich.  The peons.  The workers.  The people who clean your house and handmake your cars and your clothes.

Ann Romney dismissed concerns about her husband’s tax returns Thursday, contending that the two of them have “given all you people need to know.”

“You know, you should really look at where Mitt has led his life, and where he’s been financially,” the potential first lady said on ABC’s “Good Morning America.” “He’s a very generous person. We give 10 percent of our income to our church every year. Do you think that is the kind of person who is trying to hide things, or do things? No. He is so good about it. Then, when he was governor of Massachusetts, didn’t take a salary for four years.”

“We’ve given all you people need to know and understand about our financial situation and how we live our life,” she added later.

Good Lord, Ann, haven’t you ever heard of noblesse oblige? Honey, that is not “let them eat cake.”  That is “let them eat poop and die.”

Marie Antoinann

Hell, most of us refer to “you people” as the United Damn States of America.

So, we’re supposed to take Ann, of the $77,000 tax deduction for her pet horse, at her word that Mitt is a great guy. Well, crap, Darlin’, you can find several troupes of chorus girls in Las Vegas who say the same thing about their Mafia Sugar Daddies.

Here’s my theories about the tax returns.  One, they show he’s not a millionaire, but a billionaire.  Or, they show he paid no taxes at all for several years.  Could be that he gave more money to the Mormon Church than he did in taxes.  Or maybe he’s a tax cheat and damn crook.

Ann, listen up, woman.  You people have the right to know if Mitt puts his money where his mouth is.  You can’t lead America if all your money is in Switzerland.

I may be a mean woman and a brazen hussy, but at least I’m smart enough not to call folks who vote “you people.”

On the other hand, all you people need to vote for Obama ’12.