East Texas Congressvarmint Louie Gohmert is so damn nuts that even camera unshy Sheila Jackson Lee strays off teevee to give Louie more time to say something dog dump dumb.

So, Goofy Louie went on Fox News yesterday to say this:

BREAM: Congressman, let me ask, because folks on the other side of this will say those are all scare tactics and there aren’t real cases of fraud you can point to in Texas.

GOHMERT: Well there, well there have been, and you can go back to Duval County and Lyndon Johnson days when he told his, his ah, supposedly his campaign manager, “No, this man in this grave has every bit as much to vote as all the other people in this cemetery.” I mean, those things have been going on. But when you don’t have a requirement for a photo ID, it’s hard to identify the fraud.

So, we need need voter ID to find voter fraud.   I’m gonna type this real slow so Louie can read it:  if you don’t have fraud, why do you need to find it?  Now y’all just stand back and watch Louie’s head explode.

Louie, so we know the speed of light, right?  So what’s the speed of dark?  You mean you can’t figure that out because you have to turn on the light to read your speedometer?

You can watch the movie of this right here, but it’ll just make you burp.

Thanks Sandy to Jim for the heads up.

Janis Lane, President of the Central Mississippi Tea Party, does not like me.  Or you, if you are a hooter toter.  She has some very clear on ideas on what is wrong with the world and, dammit, it’s wimmen.

When asked if she thought it was wrong for Republican men to tell women what to do with their bodies, Janis was ready with the Tea Party answer:

Lane: Our country might have been better off if it was still just men voting. There is nothing worse than a bunch of mean, hateful women. They are diabolical in how than can skewer a person. I do not see that in men. The whole time I worked, I’d much rather have a male boss than a female boss. Double-minded, you never can trust them.

Because women have the right to vote, I am active, because I want to make sure there is some sanity for women in the political world. It is up to the Christian rednecks and patriots to stand up for our country.

Janis Lane: Her bumper sticker says, "I'd Rather Be Beating Up Women."

Now, since women can’t be trusted, wasn’t it a damn perfect move of the Central Mississippi Tea Party electing her President of their fine organization?

I probably shouldn’t say this but I’d be willing to bet that Tammy May Frontage, the secretary of said Central Mississippi Tea Party, ran off with Janis’ husband last week.

If you see Janis around,  tell her she has to turn in her hooters.  Now.

Okay, I don’t think we should shoot off the fireworks yet, but maybe we should start looking for a lighter.

Regular customer Dawn just sent me a startling email that she saw an Obama teevee ad on the History Channel.  In Texas.

Texas.

We never see Obama ads in Texas.  Hell, we didn’t even know he was running for President until he won.

There’s a plausible explanation.  Our Governor is fixing to hackoff 6.1 million people in addition to a lot of hospitals and doctors, county and local officials, and small business owners.  See below.

And there’s this.

Over the period of April 12 – July 1, 662 respondents to the Daily Kos/SEIU/PPP State of the Nation poll were reached at a Texas phone number. Among these respondents, Obama and Romney were tied 47-47.

Okay, I know, I know.  This ain’t a definitive poll.  But, even Republicans in Texas will tell you that saddled with their crazy platform, a national candidate who will never win any popularity contests, the infighting in the party made clearer by the Cruz/Dewhurst runoff, and did I mention that they have crazy stuff in their platform, that they are not blooming well.

A few well-placed Obama ads might not win the state but it’ll go a long way in helping congressional candidates and win back enough state house seats to have a fighting chance.

So, if any of you Texans see any Obama ads, let us know!

Thanks to Dawn and Elsie for the heads-up.

Rick Perry ain’t having none of that socialized medicine stuff bringing its butt to Texas.  No, sireee, everybody knows that a funeral is cheaper than health care.  You gotta look at money and reputation here.

A defiant Rick Perry defended his decision to reject the expansion of Medicaid on Monday, saying on Fox News Channel that the federal government couldn’t be trusted and that “we’re just not going to be part of socializing healthcare in the state of Texas.”

Rick, what am I supposed to do with my socialized medicine Medicare?  And how about your government health care plan, Rick?  I’ll meet you out back with a shotgun, Rick, and we can kill both of them.

Perry offered block granting money to the states as an alternative, so healthcare decisions could be made at the state and local level. He said that “every Texan has healthcare in this state from the standpoint of being able to have access to it” and that state officials are better positioned to make policy decisions than “some bureaucrat in Washington”

Rick Perry doesn’t want socialized medicine.  Rick Perry wants Pay to Play Healthcare in Texas so his friends can make money off the deal.

If you will recall, Texas is 51st out of 50 states (we’re even behind DeeCee) in delivery of health care.

So, how does throwing money at Rick Perry and his high dollar rollin’ friends make the system work better?  Perry wants to administer the money so big ole kickbacks can go to his friends.

Look, we’ve tried administering it at the state and local level and we’re in last place.

Texas has 6.1 million uninsured folks living here.  If we reject $112 billion in federal money, that means the health care of these people will be picked up by people who have insurance and by local taxing entities.  My county will have to raise taxes to pay for the money we turn down from Washington.

Look, I think the solution is simple.  We’re talking $112 billion.  Give Rick Perry one billion dollars upfront to distribute as kickbacks to his friends, then use the other $111 billion for health care.  Rick would be perfectly willing to do that.

Thanks to David for the heads-up.

Because you wouldn’t miss stuff like this.

Juanita likes to call herself the Texas Chainsaw Manicurist.  And now that name has some real special meaning.

Mitt Romney had a fundraiser at The Hamptons.   Now, I’ve never been to The Hamptons but I hear it’s kinda like Gulfport, Mississippi, for people who aren’t classy enough to own koozies or sequined tube tops.

Well, some enterprising reporter interviewed people lined up to pay major bucks to meet Mitt Romney.  This one was my favorite.

A New York City donor a few cars back, who also would not give her name, said Romney needed to do a better job connecting. “I don’t think the common person is getting it,” she said from the passenger seat of a Range Rover stamped with East Hampton beach permits. “Nobody understands why Obama is hurting them.

“We’ve got the message,” she added. “But my college kid, the baby sitters, the nails ladies — everybody who’s got the right to vote — they don’t understand what’s going on. I just think if you’re lower income — one, you’re not as educated, two, they don’t understand how it works, they don’t understand how the systems work, they don’t understand the impact.”

The common people can vote in America?  How did that happen?  Well, it must be fixed.  Here, let me explain to them how they are supposed to be poor and I am supposed to exploit them.

Yes, the common people don’t understand how the system works.   It’s just unforgivable that we give them the right to vote.

Thanks to Don A for the heads up.