I need a time machine.  I need to go back to 1912 and vote against annexing Arizona.  I promise to return the time machine in good shape and America in even better shape.

Alan Korwin: Birther Slave

According to a Scottsdale gun-law author, the word “birther” is a derogatory term “equivalent of the ‘N’ word.”

Perhaps it’s not surprising to hear something a bit nuts coming from the author of After You Shoot: Your Gun’s Hot. The Perp’s Not. Now What?, but Alan Korwin actually got this on the East Valley Tribune and Arizona Republic websites.

Well, of course “birther” is just like the N word because the term “birther” discriminates against a whole race of people who were enslaved, brought unwillingly to this country, treated savagely, split apart from their families, and are continuously discriminated against to this day by people who so heavily resent having an N word President that they deny even his birthright to hold the office because his birth certifi …. whoa.  Hold on a minute.

Never mind.

Thanks to Ralph and Bea for the heads-up.

Goodness sake, these people are pure unadulterated organic and improved creepy.

Cliff Sterns: Apparent Prison Porn Devotee

Republican Rep. Cliff Stearns from Florida, where they appear to have sent their insane to Washington instead of paying to house them in Florida, went on the electric teevee and said that women who have “sex or race selective abortions” should be imprisoned.  Apparently a mind reader, crystal ball and tarot cards will be involved in the details of the mind reading this will involve.  Or maybe they’ll just dunk her in the river for days to discover her reasons for having an abortion.  If she dies, she’s telling the truth.

As an aside, Ole Cliff thinks this should be the law here since there are similar laws in Europe.  Chris Matthews, who was interviewing him was a tad rattled by this logic.

Matthews: “… It’s always amazing when you guys on the right want to import the values of other countries. Any time we do it, any time a liberal tries to do it, you say they’re bringing foreign values into this country.”

You want consistency from Republicans, Chris?  Duh.  Why do you think Mitt Romney is leading them as they prance off through the looking glass?

Thanks to Ralph for the heads-up.

Burnet, Texas, is a small town in the Texas Hill County where they take their country music seriously and their politics even more seriously.

Smokin' Johnnie B Rogers, Weighing in for the Lightweight Mental Championship

There’s a staunch Republican in Burnet named Johnnie B. Rogers, who is 60 years old and ain’t never seen nothing like all this liberalism sprouting around in his whole life, dammit.

Johnnie is tad peeved about Rush Limbaugh’s show not being broadcast 24 hours a day so on election night, Johnnie decided to take on the Lamestream Liberal Media Hisownself.

A local newspaper reporter for the Burnet Bulletin, 65 year old James Walker, had the gall to come to the Burnet Republican Headquarters to get a story for the Burnet Bulletin on election night in Burnet.  That did not sit well with Johnnie.

[Police Chief] Paul Nelson was there and said he saw the president of the local Republican group, Johnnie B. Rogers, walk outside and start throwing punches at 65-year-old local newspaper reporter James Walker.

The Burnet County sheriff, several county commissioners and other elected officials were also standing around when it happened, according to witnesses.

Now under Texas law, assaulting somebody over the age of 65 is a felony, plus it’s just bad manners.

Now comes the good part.

Steve Munisteri of Austin, state Republican chairman, said an unadjudicated felony charge would not bar Rogers from being re-elected to the party’s executive committee at the GOP’s state convention next week in Fort Worth.

Johnnie is on the state Republican executive committee.  That’s a big damn deal.  There’s only 31 men on that executive committee  in all of Texas and one of them is a damn felonious pugilist.  I gotta admit that is shocking, even to me.

But there’s more, yes there is.

Johnnie Rogers hired himself a writ twit.  The writ twit is a guy who got defeated in the primary for a judgeship.  And then it gets weird.

[Police Chief] Nelson, who was standing nearby in plain clothes with several other police officers, said he intervened. But as he was pulling Rogers away, another man – subsequently identified as Todd Gallaher, an Austin political consultant and associate of Rogers – tried to grab him from behind. Gallaher represented Rogers’ attorney and three other candidates in Burnet County and the judicial districts that encompass it.

Have mercy, there’s incest going on.  No, seriously, I think that there alone violates at least 7 laws of decency and propriety.

You know, I am not fond of political consultants, and Republican political consultants in particular.  But a Republican political consultant who would assault a police chief from behind has got to have learned that behavior from Karl Rove himself.

In the understatement of the week, the newspaper reports …

Gallaher’s actions are included in the continuing police investigation, Nelson said.

Ya think?  Ya think trying to grab the police chief from behind is gonna get you a medal?

I hate to be th eone to tell you this, but the Burnet County Republican Party is kinda considered to be the intellectual center of Texas Republicanism.

Damn, I love Texas.

Thanks to Marge and Steven for the heads-up.

It looks like our plot has been uncovered and I want to know which one of you guys ratted us out.

The daily Advertiser in Lafayette, Louisidamnana, ran a full page ad revealing that if Barack Obama is elected again the first thing he’ll do is kill all the Christians.

Well, so much for that secret plan.

You will note that they seem to quote Psalm 11:3 to say, “We must learn from it or we are doomed to repeat it. We must be triumphant over terror.”   Uh, Honey, pardon me for jumping in here but that’s not what it says.

Psalm 11:3 “If the foundations are destroyed, What can the righteous do?”  Actually, David was talking about the foundations of the church.  Later in the same chapter he says that The Lord is the judge.

And, if you happen to be a student of history, you know that the Spanish conquerors in Mexico enslaved the Mexicans and treated them like dirt good Christians. It was evil to execute Francisco Vera, no question about it.  But it is also evil to pervert his memory.

Okay, so maybe I’m just a tad outraged that these guys want to misquote The Psalmist, a place where I find comfort, not paranoia or fear.  The Psalms are a tribute to faith, not fear.

One other question.  Why do white Christians in America think they are the victims?  I don’t get that.  They want to demand their perverted form of Christianity on me and THEY are the victim?

I’m laying two to one odds that there’s gonna be some cross burning on June 16th in Lafayette, Louisiana.

Thanks to Ralph and Iris for the heads-up.

Splendora, Texas, ain’t exactly the smarts capitol of the world.  However, it does appear to be the capitol of not doing housework excuses.

It seems that Jesus has appear in the dirty, moldy shower in a “modest” home in Splendora, Texas.

And, lucky us, our local news covered it.

My geek is outta town and I can’t figure out how to add the video so just go look for yourself.

I love Texas.

Thanks to Deb for the heads-up.

Patricia Walker of Dallas, who describes herself as “a very private person” is suing Neiman Marcus.

For years, Mrs. Walker had a personal shopper at Neimans and spent about $100,000 a year there, which will buy you an outfit or two at Neimans.  In 2007, Mrs. Walker was in a horrible car accident that left her in the hospital for months and then homebound until 2010.

It was only then that she discovered that her yearly Neiman Marcus bill went from her usual $100,000 a year to $850,000 a year.  In all, $1.4 million of her money went to Neiman’s while she was homebound.

Only a cursory investigation revealed that Mrs. Walker’s husband, 65 year old Bobby Tennison was boinking Mrs. Walker’s personal shopper, who got a hefty commission off the million that Bobby spent, using Mrs. Walker’s money to do it.

And you thought John Edwards was a scamp!  At least he’s not a Neiman Marcus personal shopper scamp.

The cute part of the story is that the personal shopper’s name is Favi Lo.  Seriously.

You can read all the Texas Tacky details right here in the court record.

Thanks to David for the heads-up.