We have this silly little Lyndon LaRouche (read: cult) candidate running for United States Congress in my county as a Democrat … who wants to impeach President Barack Obama. Yeah, you read that right.

The Texas 22nd is Tom DeLay’s old district and solidly Republican.  Democrats rarely bother to run anybody for the seat so Kesha sneaks in and wins the Democratic nomination.  She is such an embarrassment that we’re trying to stop her this time, which means we have to spend money on a candidate we know won’t win in November.  I’d say that Kesha is a Republican plant but the girl ain’t got no root system, if ya know what I mean.  She’s just flat nuts.

She is the Princess of People With Absolutely No Social Skills, misfits, and guys who are just one manic episode away from living in a cabin in the woods as a loner.

Kesha also has some very creepy passive-aggressive tendencies, as you will see with the pictures below.  But let’s face it, standing on street corners with a large picture of the President with a Hitler mustache drawn on his face does not exactly qualify for the mental health award.

I told you about the signs her opponent had made that say she’s not a Democrat.  I wanted them to say that she’s the Fairy Princess of Cultville, but he wouldn’t do that.

Little Bubba went up to vote last Friday and saw that Kesha and her Band of Bozos had placed her poll signs in an odd position.  She moved her signs to place them directly in front our our signs.

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.I have to be honest with you and tell you that Little Bubba and Bubba, Sr., attorneys at law and former football players, do not have a passive / aggressive bone in their bodies.  They will get right in your face and tell you how the cow ate the cabbage.  Men who do not have even a healthy fear of snakes, law suits, chain saws and 300 pound tackles should not be poked with a stick.  Write that down somewhere because you may need it later.

Bubba asked me to document him moving her signs and placing them all 1/4 inch apart in a neat little line because obviously she likes signs that way.  He was just being helpful.

He truly enjoys that he’s getting under her skin, thin as it may be.  A man has to take his pleasures where he can find them and Bubba truly enjoyed hacking off Kesha.

I think the news about JP Morgan is very lopsided and unfair.

Oh sure, they lost $3 billion and their CEO lied to investors about it.

But they did make some good, wise, and highly profitable investments.  Click the little one to get the big one.

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I swear to all that is sane, we should make members of congress wear NASCAR suits.  Or at least a For Sale sign around their necks.

Why is it that every time I go to the Dairy Queen and eat a Blizzard with Alfredo, I come away cynical?  Must be something in the Blizzard, huh?

I want y’all to meet a guy.  His name is Lester “Bubba” Carpenter and he’s a Mississippi State Representative.

I am going to refuse to call him Bubba.  Bubba is a term of endearment in Texas.  Every woman who really loves her Texas man calls him Bubba Darlin’, because in Texas a man is required to have two names, and those are two pretty good ones.

Lester the Molester will do just fine for this bloated woman-hater in Mississippi.  Ole Lester is a Baptist boy who didn’t need no damn college education.  He’s a paramedic, having dropped out of two different community colleges, and is on the State Legislature’s Tourism Board.  And, probably in charge of education.

Ole Lester spends his spare time standing on street corner passing out coat hangers.

In a speech this week, Ole Lester explained the upside to Mississippi making abortion illegal.

It’s going to be challenged, of course, in the Supreme Court and all — but literally, we stopped abortion in the state of Mississippi, legally, without having to — Roe vs. Wade. So we’ve done that. I was proud of it. The governor signed it into law. And of course, there you have the other side. They’re like, ‘Well, the poor pitiful women that can’t afford to go out of state are just going to start doing them at home with a coat hanger. That’s what we’ve learned over and over and over.’

But hey, you have to have moral values. You have to start somewhere.”

But hey, what’s one less poor pitiful woman when Mississippi is in desperate need of more children they can refuse to feed, educate, or provide medical care for.

And that right there is some of them “moral values” that Ole Lester is talkin’ about.

Okay, Mississippi girls, I will pay ten dollars cash American money to see a video of one of you chasing Lester down the street with a coat hanger threatening to perform a medically necessary prostate exam with it.  On second thought, I dunno if Lester would run from that.  Give him a little banjo music and some moonshine and he’d probably pay you money to do it.

Thanks to Carl for the heads-up on Ole Lester.

Arizona is a doozy.  South Carolina occasionally tries to be the nuttiest state, but, Darlin’, Arizona has honed crazzzy down to an art form.

Get this:

The man in charge of running Arizona’s elections has gone to the birthers. Secretary of State Ken Bennett now says he’s not convinced Barack Obama was really born in the United States and so he is threatening to keep the president off the ballot in November.

I wouldn't even buy a used car from this guy.

Oh yeah, that right there is the United States of Damn America.  One crazy old fart sheriff in a small town in Arizona, who couldn’t find his own butt with both hands and a search warrant,  gets himself a case of contagious batcrap crazy (Latin name: Guanotitus), spreads it all over the state, and the Center for Disease Control can’t get enough vaccine or reading material over the mountains to save folks so the result is that Barack Obama can’t be on the ballot in that state.  Welcome to Arizona.  Please pass the popcorn.

And why is Ken Bennett, Arizona’s Secretary of State, doing this?  Because he got emails.

Bennett, the state’s No. 2 elected official just below Gov. Jan Brewer (R), said his investigation isn’t personal. He said the reason he started looking into it is because he got more than 1,200 emails asking him to do so after Arpaio’s investigation came out.

Dude, last week I got 1,563 emails asking me to try Viagra but that doesn’t mean I’m going to go buy me a gender re-assignment.  I also won the Nigerian lottery at least that many times in my emails, but you do not see me packing for Africa, do you?

New slogan for the state?  Arizona:  That’s Entertainment!

Thanks to Deb for the heads-up.

Okay, this is a dandy story.

There’s a guy named Joe Rickett who has more money than a Monopoly game.  Rumors started flying about what he was going to do with some of that money.

Joe Ricketts has had quite a day. Thursday morning’s New York Times identified the billionaire founder of TD Ameritrade as bankroller of a $10 million super PAC campaign to attack President Obama over his past ties to his old pastor, the hyperbolic Rev. Jeremiah Wright—a favorite villain of the right wing during the 2008 campaign.

Okay, ponder that for a minute.  Ten million dollars to attack a minister who has less influence on Barack Obama than I do.  Or you do.  Or Sarah Palin does.

That seems a tad excessive.

It also seems a tad silly because one of Rickett’s sons is chairman of the Chicago Cubs, a baseball team you might have heard of if you read to the bottom of the scores in the sport’s section.

And the Cubs play in Wriggly Field, which you might have heard of if you studied ancient world history. Wriggly Field was built about the same time as the pyramids.  They’ve had to carbon date second base several times.

Joe Ricketts

So, Rickett’s son is trying to get the city of Chicago to spend $300 million to fix up the crumbling parthenon of baseball.

And the mayor of Chicago is … are you following me, now?  Rahm Emanuel.  Yes, the same Rahm Emanuel who was Obama’s Chief of Staff.  And there are several African American aldermen on city council in Chicago.

So Daddy is spending money to defeat a candidate who is the best friend of the mayor who the son needs to help fix his ballpark.

And to their credit, it only took the Rickett boys about a week to figure out that maybe they are biting off their nose to spite their face.  However, in all fairness, their faces are also in need of some renovation.

So, two statements go out.  The first is this.

I have never in my entire life known a Republican who wasn’t smug.  Think about it.  You haven’t either.

Although study after study shows that Democrats as a whole are better educated and better informed on the issues (mainly because we don’t watch Fox news, I suspect), Republicans think they are smarter and at least a little bit richer than you are.

They are smug about their religion, too.  I hate that part.  I’m grateful for my religious beliefs because they bring me comfort, but I don’t think my religion is the only correct one.  My faith is so secure that even if I were the only person on the whole planet who believed that way, it’s fine with me.  Republicans don’t seem so secure.  They just seem smug.

I live in a very Republican neighborhood.   Bubba and I walked into a restaurant last week and one of our neighbors called us over to their table to introduce us as “our neighborhood’s Democrats.”  You know, as if it were some sort of disease.  Bubba smiled and obviously very jokingly and self-deprecatingly said, “Yes, there’s only one Democratic family in our neighborhood, just like there’s only one Valedictorian or one Hope diamond.”  It was a visual thing.  Bubba in his gimme cap and untucked shirt comparing himself to the Hope diamond was pretty darn funny.  They rolled their smug little squinty  eyes.

And that’s another thing.  They do not “get” self-depreciating humor.  Why is that? Are they really that insecure?

Anyway, I got started on this rant because Elsie sent me this article and I watched the TED that goes with it.

Nick Hanauer, self-described “super-rich” entrepreneur, gave a pretty compelling TED Talk about how the middle class—not the super-rich—are the real job creators.

It’s worth a watch.

Okay, back to the funny stuff.  I just needed a rant to slide into the weekend.

By the way, I do pray that I can quit hating Republicans.  God’s not doing his part in this quest because he keep putting the worst of the breed in my pathway every darn day.

Thanks to Elsie for the TED tip.