A year ago, you people thought I was joking when I said that Texas Governor Rick Perry was a damfool.  I will forgive you because people who ain’t from around here do not understand the nuances of the word damfool.  Now, after seeing him on the national stage, you do.

Damfool goes way beyond damn and far beyond fool.  Combining both into one word creates a whole new thing.  It’s like that strange chemical reaction when you combine Aqua Velva and testosterone.  Each on their own is okay, but when you combine them you’ve got a mess that wants to stand on the bar and dance in cowboy boots for your pleasure viewing, all 300 pounds of him.

Anyway, Rick Perry came back to Texas none the wiser.  You’d think that after he embarrassed himself for being stoopid he would read a book or take an online course in Introduction to Smart or something.  Well, you’d think wrong because he’s prouder than ever of being a damfool.

And it has not been pretty.

I told you how Fox News said that it was President Obama’s fault that Texas lost $35 million dollars in federal funds to finance health care for poor women in Texas.

Rick Perry followed suit and issued a press release that started like this:

Obama Administration Placing Pro-Abortion Politics Over Women’s Health

Holy crap.  It ain’t politics.  It’s the law.  Look it up.

Ain’t this like saying “Obama To Force Texas to Let People Vote”?

Abortion is legal. You cannot take that right away from a woman any more than you can take away Rick Perry’s right to vote.  And, Darlin’, listen up – I am going to make a much wiser choice about my reproductive health than Rick Perry has ever made in the voting booth.

Why stop there?  “Obama to Let People Freely Assemble,” or maybe “Obama Continues to Push for Fair Trials,” or “Now Obama Says You Don’t Have to House Troops in Your Home During Times of Peace:  What’s He Thinking?  Doesn’t He Love America?” 

Y’all, you want to hear something really scary?  There’s some folks who want Rick Perry to get back back in the Presidential race.  And, no, it’s not comedy writers.  These people are as serous as a heart attack. 

Their #1 reason?

1. Perry has already said that he would run for President again, unlike Daniels, Christie, Rubio, and Jeb Bush who have declined repeated invitations.

Dude, that’s because they’re not damfools.

Thanks to Bubb Ha for the heads up.

UPDATE:  David just let me know that Rick Perry spent $1,000 a vote while he was running for President, proving that you can, indeed, buy stoopid by the pound.

Texas Gov. Rick Perry (R) spent more than $1,000 per vote during his failed presidential campaign.

By comparison, a Fix review of the 2010 midterm election showed the most any candidate spent per vote in the primary was $454. That was Connecticut Senate candidate Linda McMahon (R), who self-funded a total of $50 million for her campaign.

I would never give Rick Perry more money than you can afford to put in a paper sack and set fire to.  That’s what he’s going to do with it.

Every now and then, I feel it is my holy duty to educate you people from foreign states about what manner of people elect George Bush and Rick Perry.

The short answer is this. First you get drunk, then you get on a seesaw, and then you hack off a bull. Yep. That there is Bubba entertainment.

Thanks to MB for the heads up.

Remember Mary Brown, the 56 year old woman in Florida who owned an auto-repair shop?  Remember how the GOP used her to become the lead plaintiff challenging President Obama’s healthcare law on the basis that it required people to get health insurance?

Boy howdy, Mary Brown hated the fact that she had to have health insurance.  She stomped and hollered that she, by gawd, didn’t need no danged insurancing, and the government had no right to tell she that she did.

Mary Brown and her husband just filed for bankruptcy.

But court records reveal that Brown and her husband filed for bankruptcy last fall with $4,500 in unpaid medical bills. Those bills could change Brown from a symbol of proud independence into an example of exactly the problem the healthcare law was intended to address.

Now, the Supremes are going to hear the case later this month with Proud Mary Brown standing firm that she does not need health insurance.

Mary Brown

Now, I have a question.  Proud Mary is a Republican, the party that claims to be all about personal responsibility and self reliance.  Who does she think is going to have to pay for her medical bills?  Mitt Romney?  The lottery?  Magic Jesus?

Those bills will be paid by you and me.  Now, I am pretty darn certain that Mary hasn’t learned that no man is an island.  I am also pretty darned sure that she claims all this is Obama’s fault.

It’s gotta be Obama’s fault.   You know, I’ve been pondering something.  If we secretly change the name of Obamacare to Limbaughcare, all the Republicans would jump on that horse in a New York minute.  Hell, it’s worth a try.

Thanks to Carl for the heads-up.

Okay, so here’s how Fox news plays it.



Obama administration to end funding for Texas health program over state’s abortion law

The federal government will stop funding a Texas health program that serves 130,000 low-income women because of a state law that bars abortion-affiliated clinics from getting public money, a top U.S. health official said Friday.

The federal money, which covers 90 percent of the state’s $40 million program, will be phased out between May and September because the law violates federal regulations requiring that women have a choice in medical care, Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius said during a trip to Houston. That means the Women’s Health Program will join a long list of programs nationwide on the chopping block because of their affiliations with Planned Parenthood or other groups that offer abortions.

So, it’s not the state’s fault for being outlaws.  It’s Obama’s fault for being sheriff.

It’s this simple:  Federal law says that for the state to get the money, they have to allow women to choose where they can get their health care.  When the state mandates which health care facility women can use (Which, by the way, usually falls under the Republican definition of socialized medicine and is evil, eviler, and evilest, unless, of course, the recipient of that health care happens to be a woman and then all bets are off because if she had a lick of sense she’d have a penis.) the money is not sent.

Rick Perry pledged that Texas would come up with the 90% matching federal funds on our own, meaning he has to go find $36 million dollars in a state with a $15 billion deficit.  Good luck with that, cowboy.

So, by stopping women from doing something perfectly legal and safe, we are going to cause women to die of disease and illness.  And that’s how pro-life works.

Well, it appears that certain newspapers will not be printing Doonesbury next week because the strips will be making fun of Texas’s mandatory transvaginal exam prior to a woman getting a legal and safe abortion.

The spoiler about the strips is here, but if you want to be surprised every day, The World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc. will be printing the strip every day.

Because I want to.