One of our customers has been perusing old newspapers to refresh his memory about Newt.

Remember the $300,000 fine Newt had to pay when he left congress looking like the leftovers at a coroner’s inquest?  When it came time to pay the band, Newt came up a couple dollars short.

As he has in the past, Gingrich sought to limit his own culpability. “To the degree I have made mistakes, they have been errors of implementation but never of intent,” he said as his wife, Marianne, watched from the gallery.

Dole offered to make the loan, for which Gingrich will pay 10 percent interest. But neither the principal nor the accrued interest is due until the end of the eight-year loan period in 2005, when the combined total would be $643,000. Gingrich has said he would leave Congress by Jan. 3, 2003.

Does anybody know if the greedy sumbitch ever paid it back or did he spend all his money on his mistress?

And if you’ve forgotten what he got tangled up with, the story lives on the internet machine.  It’s as much fun to read now as it was then.

For Gingrich, it was another humbling event in a remarkable series of peaks and valleys since 1994. That year, he led his party to the promised land of control of the House and Senate, only to threaten it when he was blamed for two partial government shutdowns during the battle over the budget, making him seem reckless. Then he complained about his treatment on a long flight aboard Air Force One, making him seem petty. The GOP narrowly retained its House majority last November, giving him a brief reprieve. The next month, he admitted to the charges brought by the ethics subcommittee.

In the middle of that article, there’s a priceless quote from Governor Mark Sanford, who was a member of the House of Representative at the time —

Rep. Mark Sanford (R-S.C.) said that had he known what was in the ethics committee’s report, he would not have voted for Gingrich as speaker. “The gray got grayer when you read the report,” he said. “When I think of my three boys and what kind of example I want to set for them for leadership in this country, gray is not the example.”

Darlin’, it’s a long ride from that statement to hiking the Appalachian Trail.

Thanks to Ralph for perusing the newspapers.

I told you about Sheriff candidate Craig Brady violating the rules of the debate at the Republican Women’s Club debate forum and embarrassing himself by calling out a retired DPS trooper for simply “grinning”.  I know for a personal fact that Brady does not like grinning.

Snide and sarcasm are not the qualities you’re looking for in a candidate for sheriff.  Neither is an explosive personality.  But, if it were, I’ve got your man for ya right here.

The audio is pretty bad, but if you listen closely, you can hear him go off on Trooper Frazier right in the middle of his speech.  You can also hear the lady intervening.

Now, when the sweet ladies have to step in and remind you that you agreed to rules, and that you should act like a professional, then you just might not have the maturity and class to be sheriff.

Sheriffs have guns.  We’d prefer they also have control of themselves.

Check this out —

As he prepares for his third State of the Union address–and, he hopes, not his last–Barack Obama’s likelihood of reelection has soared in the last few days to 56.8 percent, the highest it has been since last July. This movement is correlates with Newt Gingrich’s increased likelihood of gaining the Republican nomination, now at 29.7 percent, up from about 5 percent.

Click the little one to get the big one —

The more Newt climbs in the polls, the better President Obama looks.  So, Go Newt, Go!

And Mike Luckovich brings us our rare and precious Tuesday Toon.

You can hide the fire, but what you gonna do with the smoke?

Here’s a list of Super PACs you need to know about.

We’re thinking about forming a Super PAC right here at the beauty salon.  But we’re also thinking about opening a barbeque joint in the back, sponsoring Thelma as Miss Aging Rice Festival Queen, asking George Clooney to make a movie about us, and learning to fly fish in the bayou.  So, don’t get your hopes up.

Thanks to Brian for the cool link.

You know how when somebody tells you something really funny about somebody else — how you can never again in your whole life look at that second person without laughing?  You don’t want to, but you cannot, for even a million dollars cash American money, not laugh.

We have guy here in town who shaved his head.  Black men can shave their heads and look handsome.  White men cannot.  A year ago, a  friend leaned over to me in a meeting where this man was speaking and said, “You know with that shaved head he looks just like a giant talking dinky.”  That would not have been funny if she had not been totally, positively, absolutely right.  He indeed did look like that.  For a year now, I have not been able to look at that guy straight in the eye.  And I see him pretty often.  I have to kinda hang my head when he’s in the room, like I’m crippled-up or something because I cannot look at him without laughing.  It has ruined my life.

Momma, I am sorry for talking like this.  I know you do not like dinky talk.  I know, I know, ladies don’t talk like that and you raised me better than that.  But, since I’m going to hell anyway for saying what I’m fixing to say, I just decided to shoot for the whole shebang.

Two customers here at the salon, Sharon and her friend Nancy, have also ruined my life.

I know full well that this is rude, crude and socially unacceptable, but if she becomes First Lady and I’m invited to the White House, I cannot look at her.

And now, neither can you.

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Thank you Sharon and Nancy for ruining my life. And making me go to hell.  I was on the path of righteousness until you pointed out that she indeed does look like an inflatable doll.

I should be ashamed of myself.  And I am.

They say it’s to raise money, but I think it’s to make the American Family Association’s head explode.

Indiana now has an LGBT license tag.  It’s very cute.

The plates will feature the logo of Indiana Youth Group, the state’s LGBT youth advocacy organization, and will cost an additional $40 with $25 going directly to the group. IYG is also auctioning low-number plates for larger donations of $500 to $5,000.

Needless to say, the steeple people went bee-zerk.  It’s a good thing these people sweat when they get hot, otherwise they would have caught on fire.  They were spoiling for a fracas, Honey.  I’m talking running around in circles, wailing, and throwing hands in the air.  They looked like an armadillo trying to upright itself on the interstate.  It was a thing of beauty.

Check the headline:  Indiana’s Shame 1st ‘Gay’ License Plate

I have no idea why Gay is in quotation marks.  Maybe they had some extra ones just laying around.  Maybe they got tired of doing air quotes every single time they say “gay” or “secular” or “so-called human.”

Here’s their spin:

Homosexual activists are celebrating Indiana becoming the first state in the nation to approve a pro-homosexual specialty automotive license plate.

The license plate advertises and helps fund a homosexual, bi-sexual, transgender teen recruitment and support center called the Indy Youth Group. $25 of every plate sold goes to the Indy Youth Group.

Oh yeah, they are recruiting.  Haven’t you seen their offices all over the country?  Yep, being gay is just a matter of paying your dues, getting a card, and then decorating everybody’s dorm room.

And I don’t know about you people in foreign states, but in Texas homosexual is a ten-syllable word.  Ho-mo-sex-u-al.  But the U is actually two syllables.  Takes ‘um the better part of lunchtime to say it.

I hope they aren’t planning on reading the license plates out loud when preaching against it.  I wanna get on with lunch.

Thanks to Ralph for the heads-up.