It seems that New Hampshire is the new border wall for Rick Perry.

All of which might explain this:

Three percent?  Honey, that’s within the margin of error of zero percent.  No, seriously, that’s math.

Thanks to Kathleen and Stephen for the heads-up.

Now he can’t count.

Do we file this one under Hypocrisy, Too Stoopid to Breathe, or Lying Sack o’ Crap?

Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich acknowledged an extended consulting relationship with mortgage giant Freddie Mac, though he said he couldn’t verify just how much he or his firm received in fees.

Gingrich denied having lobbied on behalf of the mortgage giant, but said his staff was looking into a Bloomberg News report that said Gingrich “made between $1.6 and $1.8 million in consulting fees” in his work for Freddie Mac between 1999 and 2008.

So, Freddie Mac paid Gingrich a cool mil and half for his “advice as a historian?”  For Pete’s sake, I know some history majors who will give you their advice for free at the drive-through window.

Well, this pretty much explains the Freddie Mac bust.

Almost as much fun as watching the Republican candidates for President of the United States of Goldarn America  make fools of themselves on national teevee, is watching their  batcrap crazy supporters.

Take Dr. George Grant, he is the minister of Parish Presbyterian Church in Franklin, Tennessee.  But, he was born and raised in Houston, where, I suspect, he drank too much polluted water from Buffalo Bayou and hurt his brain.  I do not know that for a fact, but it makes good explaining.  He has five blogs.  Count ‘um, five.

Dr. Grant is a hardcore supporter of Michele Bachmann.  Hardcore.  XXXX Supporter.  Totally Obscene is his devotion to her.  He thinks she’s a “statesman.”

So, Michele took his endorsement off her website following this little ditty from Dr. Grant about his particular brand of Christianity.

“Christians have an obligation, a mandate, a commission, a holy responsibility to reclaim the land for Jesus Christ-to have dominion in the civil structures, just as in every other aspect of life and godliness.

But it is dominion that we are after. Not just a voice.

It is dominion we are after. Not just influence.

It is dominion we are after. Not just equal time.

It is dominion we are after.

World conquest. That’s what Christ has commissioned us to accomplish. We must win the world with the power of the Gospel. And we must never settle for anything less.

Holy crap.  If you were to put this guy in a room with Dick Cheney and leave them in it for a week, it would bore a hole down the center of the earth and wake up the devil himself with levels of creepiness never known before.  In fact, I think you have to file an environmental impact study to be that creepy.

Dr. Grant needs to call the police and tell them that somebody stole about half of his Bible.

Thanks to Kellybee for the heads-up.

Some of you know that I also write for money.  Which I turn around and spend on important stuff like flip-flops, sequined boas, and these bracelets.

I love shiny.

So yesterday, after I submitted my column to one of these rainmakers, I get the following email from a new editor ….

You said he got beat so bad he had to “upzip his pants to see out” did you mean “unzip” I assume it’s a typo but we didn’t want to change some folksy meaning just because we didn’t understand it.

Thanks,
Tom

I’m trying to decide if it’s a good or bad thing that normal people can’t tell if you’re being colloquial or made a typo.  My best bet is that I’ve jumped the folksy shark.  But, as long as there’s money for bracelets on the line, I’ll pretty much jump anything.

We got some very cool hate mail.  It came under the story about Sheriff Joe Arpaio.  From one of his fans, apparently.  I’m not going to post it where it belongs because I wouldn’t want someone to come along and think that I approve of this kind of language.

But, I found it particularly affirming of everything we do here.

Facts are hard to dispute… but yet all we get from this man in office is lies. Now I find where the dopes are that voted for this fraud of a man.

Remember… Democracy will fail once you fools realize the bozos in Washington are bribing you to vote for them WITH YOUR OWN MONEY!

If idiots could fly, this site would be NASA.

How proud McDonough, Georgia, must be of their town idiot, J. Madsen.

And then 2 minutes later, at 4:42 am, J. Madsen decides there’s more to say —

Ask yourself this…. if this were a Republican.  Would this website even exist?  Ya… to bash the Republican.

Drones… simply a bunch of mindless drones.

Ladies… He is your president, not your boyfriend.  Stop making excuses for this wanna be negro.

Can’t you just see J Madsen sitting there in the dark thinking, “Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that negro thing.”

Plus, “Ladies?”  Someone thinks we’re ladies?

Okay, so maybe Rick Perry is on to something about arrogant lifetime appointed federal judges who try to make our laws.

Maybe he was talking about this crapola.

The day the Supreme Court gathered behind closed doors to consider the politically divisive question of whether it would hear a challenge to President Obama’s healthcare law, two of its justices, Antonin Scalia and Clarence Thomas, were feted at a dinner sponsored by the law firm that will argue the case before the high court.

Scalia: inventor of Evil Juice

Good Lord, they just completely skip the part where you’re supposed to try to look impartial.

You wanna know who was one of the “sponsors” of this dinner?  No, you really don’t.  It’ll make you sick.  Okay, if you insist.

Pfizer.

Yeah, the drug firm with a massive financial stake in the outcome of the decision.  Sponsor / Pimp.

Well, you gotta hand it to Scalia (and Thomas, who hardly counts because he’s brain dead) – at least he’s willing to admit he’s a slutty whore right out in public.

Can you even imagine the uproar if Elena Kagan went to an ACLU dinner?

Thanks to Robert for the heads-up.