Newt Gingrich is so narrow minded that he can see through a keyhole with both eyes.

Mr. Smarty Pants has decided that it’s time to act all arrogant because he’s unilingual.  (I think I just made up that word, but it’s a good one.)  He’s got some odd ideas about the romance languages.

They’ve got a video of a speech he made in 2007 that included this line —

“The American people believe English should be the official language of the government. … We should replace bilingual education with immersion in English so people learn the common language of the country and they learn the language of prosperity, not the language of living in a ghetto,” Gingrich said to cheers from the crowd of more than 100.

The language of the ghetto?

I’m speechless.  In two languages.

Newt, no es como usted dice.

Are you telling me that people don’t have a $500,000 line of credit at Tiffany’s because they speak Spanish?  Did it ever occur to you that if they don’t, it might be because they have good taste or maybe they are not all over conspicuous consumption like a fat boy on a double cheeseburger?

Spanish is the language of love, Newt.  You wouldn’t know about that, huh?  You’ve got three wives, but you can’t learn two languages?  Cripes, Newt.  ¡Qué payaso eres!

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I guess that whole ‘return to our founding fathers’ spiel didn’t work too well so Rick Perry is going to give a speech today announcing his intention to re-write the Constitution.  And if that doesn’t work to put him back on top, he’ll get three monkeys, a clown, and a bearded woman and open a circus.  Come to think of it, he could find that whole crew among his pals also running for the nomination, including the beard thing.

Rick wants to “uproot the three branches of government.”

Perry said his reform proposal will target “lifetime federal judges who arrogantly rewrite our laws from the bench,” as well as the “permanent bureaucracy of the executive branch, which thwarts the will of the American people to advance a big government agenda.” And he pledged to outline “dramatic reforms for a Congress that not only spends too much but is IN Washington too much.”

Oh yeah, we can’t be having judges free from political pressure.  We need more judges who have to run for office so that corporations can buy them.  And if the boy has ideas about Congressional reform that he’s been keeping secret from the massively Republican Texas delegation, shame on him.

He wants to re-write the Constitution and he’s calling someone else “arrogant?”  Hey pot, meet kettle.

And then there’s the fun part —

… all those overpaid czars and bureaucrats haven’t suffered one bit while we’ve been going through one of the worst economies that this country’s ever seen,” he said.

Uh, would this be a bad time to note that the Texas Governor became a millionaire while in public office his entire life and he’s currently suffering in a $10,000 a month taxpayer paid mansion?  Would it be a bad time to note that the Governor approves of the State of Texas paying for a hoard of lobbyists to go to Washington, DeeCee, so he’s kinda creating that problem?

So, you want to replace democracy with crony capitalism?  Like this?

State environmental regulators appointed by Gov. Rick Perry issued a permit in January for a Houston-area industrial waste injection well to a company whose top investors include some of Perry’s close friends and campaign contributors.

The Texas Commission on Environmental Quality approved the permit over the objections of the Texas Railroad Commission and every state and local official representing Montgomery County, and in spite of an administrative law judge’s recommendation to deny the permit because the well might pollute groundwater.

Come on home and reform the government you created, Rick.

Awww, Rick, it’s kinda cute watching you spend money like a madman to get back on top because you have come to believe through governing Texas that there’s nothing you can’t buy.  Hey, Newt’s broke.  Maybe he would be willing to sell the Vice Presidency to you.  He has no ethics, you know, so he’s your kind of guy.

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Okay, so I suspect that I do not have to introduce you guys to Sheriff Joe Arpaio of Arizona.

If I am wrong about that, please accept my apologizes.  Sheriff Joe, please meet New Person.   New Person, please meet the craziest goat this side of talk radio.

Sheriff Joe Arpaio is conducting an investigation.  Of the President of the United States.  Because he doesn’t have a …. say it with me, now …. birth certificate.

But the worst part of it is that the news media is trying to cover up the investigation.  And, they are not paying any attention to the threats that Sheriff Joe is getting.  According to Sheriff Joe, “intimidation comes from drug lords, Obama fans: I’m not sure which are worse.”

Why Is This Man Afraid of Me?

Good Lord, look at us, Sheriff Joe.  Obama fans are a bunch of arugula eating, volvo driving, sandal wearing, sushi fans who buy wine by the bottle, not the box.  What are we doing to intimidate you?  Threatening to make you watch The Road Show?

Dude, get a grip.  I know you are powerfully upset to have your pretty face off camera for even one minute, but maybe you should look into getting a reality show.  You know, “The Amazing Racist” might sell.  You never know.

“Getting death threats is nothing new for me,” Arpaio told WND, referring to his national reputation as a tough enforcer of immigration laws. “But why has the media has decided to black out all news of our Obama investigation? That’s what I don’t understand.

“I’m a controversial guy and usually the media is all over me,” he continued, “but when I decided to investigate Obama, the media has suddenly gone missing in action.

Okay, here’s the deal, Joe.  There’s only so much time on the nightly news for batcrap crazy people.  Orly Taitz and Herman Cain are some stiff competition, Joe.

I’d go with the reality show angle, Joe.  “Dancing with the Dopes”?  Like that?  “The Biggest Boozer?”

Thanks to Ralph for the heads-up.

Thank you Mark in Austin for this treasure.

Go check out the whole series.  Momma and work safe.

Do you know what’s even better that Rick Perry falling in the polls?

Newt Gingrich surging.  Yes!

A new national survey of Republicans indicates that it’s basically all tied up between Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich in the race for the GOP presidential nomination, with Gingrich on the rise and businessman Herman Cain falling due to the sexual harassment allegations he’s been facing the past two weeks.

With Rick you get the dumb.  With Cain you get the sexual escapades.  With Newt you get the trifecta: ethics, hypocrisy and enough hoochy-koochy to make Amsterdam  shut down their red light district becasue of a non-compete contract.

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You know what this means, don’t you?  The Daily Newt Is Back!

He’s got loco camped out in his eyeballs!  I am a happy woman.

It’s one of those situations where I wouldn’t take this guy to a dog fight, even if I knew he was going to lose.

For $100 cash American money, you can go to Houston, Texas, for a luncheon of King Street Patriots, get a 4 course meal at Maggiano’s, and listen to this guy speak.

I wonder why the fancy digs? These guys will eat anything that's served as long as you sprinkle a little hate on the top

The King Street Patriots are a Texas Tea Party group with an anti-voter fraud spin off organization that is plotting a nationwide poll watching movement and advocates for voter ID laws. Matthew Vadum is a conservative columnist who thinks that registering poor people to vote is un-American and “like handing out burglary tools to criminals.” On Tuesday, the King Street Patriots will be hosting him for lunch in Houston.

The name of this guy’s book is, “Subversion Inc.: How Obama’s ACORN Red Shirts are Still Terrorizing and Ripping Off American Taxpayers.”

I suspect the attendees will be wearing brown shirts.

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Thanks to Stephen for the heads-up.