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You know that things have become officially crazy when Republican Congressvarmint Eric Cantor  and his amigos passed a resolution in the House that says if the Senate doesn’t pass the House spending bill by April 6, the House spending bill becomes the — here, hold my beer and watch this — the Law of the Land.

“Actually, I think they said ‘the damn law of the damn land’ but they got permission to revise and edit,” Juanita says.

“Research in the fifth grade and slack-jawed watching of Schoolhouse Rock taught me that it don’t work that way,” she recalls.  “You can’t bypass the senate simply because they are hacking you off.  This is not always a pleasant alternative, but it is a required one.”

“But, here’s the important part.  This resolution, with 221 Republican votes, was so rightwing batcrap crazy that even Louie Gohmert – yes, Louie Gohmert! – voted against it.  Honey, when your political party bypassed the crazy marker set out by Louie Gohmert, you are twenty yards down-field of Sigmund Freudville.”

But there’s more.  There always is.

Texas Republican Pajama Man Blake Farenthold voted “present but not voting.’

“Somebody forgot to wake him up,” Juanita suspects.

“Texas:  Our Republicans are totally crazy.  But, at least some of them are asleep.”

Thanks to Gramian for the heads-up.

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There’s a story in Texas, probably true, about an old Texas Ranger who was plenty proud of himself.  So proud, the story goes, that his horse went blind from all the publicity photos flashbulbs.

We are very proud that Chief Deputy Craig Brady does not have a horse.  That sumbitch would be blind in one eye and unable to see out the other.

Most of y’all are keeping up with Craig Brady and his 4 year all-out campaign to be elected sheriff.

Part of his campaign plan is to wind up on the front page of the local newspaper once a week, come hell, high water or stomping on someone else’s courage.  Take, for example, last Friday —

You can click on the little one to get the big one.

It seems that Brady – not the old sheriff, who was probably on the golf course or casket cruising or something – gave an award to 5 deputies who did a helluva job cuffing some bank robbers.

Six deputies corralled the robbers.  And, one deputy got filled with more lead than a sinker factory and lived to tell about it.  Those are some tough dudes.

So, how come only one of them got their picture on the front page of the local newspaper?

Well, Darlin’, even though he wasn’t there, didn’t take a bullet, and is not the sheriff …. Chief Deputy Craig Brady obviously felt that what the townsfolks needed more than heroes is a  free campaign photo.

There’s gotta be a truckload of shame in there somewhere but I think Brady’s ego edged it out of the picture, too.

.Fort Bend ISD laid off 332 teacher last Friday, but Honey, they got even.

I don’t care who you are, that’s funny.

Remember, vote for me for Queen of Texas and this crapola ends.  No, there has been no announcement of any administrators laid off yet.  And Jenny hasn’t voluntarily taken a cut in any of his expense accounts.

(You can watch this at work if you cut off the sound.  You really don’t need the sound anyway.)

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Juanita has a new hero.  It is Florida Democratic State Senator Scott Randolph.

“They were having a debate in Florida about deducting union dues from a worker’s paycheck.  Republicans, of course, do not want to do that because it might make a tiny dent in the political spending they get from all that corporate campaign money that is given to Republicans instead of taxpayers,” Juanita explains.

“So,” she continues, “the Republicans somehow turned all this into a debate about government regulation.  Hell,

Juanita has a crush on Scott Randolph

Honey, they could turn a baptism at the river into somedamnthing about getting government out of our lives.”

“But,” she grins, “they hadn’t met Senator Scott Randolph.  He took the floor.”

At one point Randolph suggested that his wife [should] “incorporate her uterus” to stop Republicans from pushing measures that would restrict abortions. Republicans, after all, wouldn’t want to further regulate a Florida business.

“Now that’s a dandy idea.  I think the women of Texas should incorporate their uterus, name it, and let it make campaign donations and avoid taxes,” Juanita suggests.

But we are not to the good part yet.

This idea infuriated Republicans.  Not the part about incorporation.  They were upset about the u-t-e-r-u-s part.

Apparently the GOP leadership of the House didn’t like the one-liner.

They told Democrats that Randolph is not to discuss body parts on the House floor.

“The point was that Republicans are always talking about deregulation and big government,” Randolph said Thursday. “And I always say their philosophy is small government for the big guy and big government for the little guy. And so, if my wife’s uterus was incorporated or my friend’s bedroom was incorporated, maybe they (Republicans) would be talking about deregulating.

“It’s not like I used slang,” said Randolph, who actually got the line from his wife. He said Republicans voiced concern about young pages hearing the word uterus.

“I think it’s a sad commentary about what we think about sex education in the state,” he said.

“That,” announces Juanita,  “settles it.  I am writing a press release that says my uterus is named Big Thelma’s Honky Tonk, Inc., and my lungs have been incorporated under the name of Sequined Betty and the Bitchin’ Backhoes, and you do not even want to know what I’ve named my breasts, but they will not be paying taxes next year and that’s a promise.”

“Wouldn’t you be interested in knowing where Republicans think they came from?  I know I would,” she smiles.

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Squire Al, one of my three favorite Texans living in Vermont, sent me this in the United State mail today – an autographed copy of Bernie’s book.

You can get your own (not autographed because Al doesn’t like you as much as he likes me) right here.

I will read it gently and then auction  it off at the next Democratic fundraiser to raise funds to elect some good people.

Bernie’s the kind of guy you can shoot craps with over the phone.  Al?  Not so much.  But, I still adore him.

Thank you, Squire.

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Bubba was walking home from the courthouse yesterday and found a black Suburban a block or two from the courthouse with these two bumper stickers in the rear window.  He stopped to take a picture or two and sent them to me, asking, “Does this disturb you as much as it does me?”

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Disturb?  Honey, that scares the peewadoddle ever-livin’ get-down-on-it screamin’ crap outta me.

That right there looks like one of them “Loner” headlines to me.  I mean, that’s got “innocent bystander” written all over it.

Here’s the website they link to.  It, of course, is in Texas.