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… but can somebody tell me what the hell this would be?

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The upside is that we won’t have to put Texas on maps anymore.  If people want to find us, they can just look for the big glowing light.

Or, in the alternative, the gigantic piles of Governor Rick Perry’s money should be seen from several states over.

Reporting in April that Dallas billionaire Harold Simmons had contributed $620,000 to Governor Rick Perry, Lobby Watch questioned how Perry’s appointees could objectively regulate Simmons’ nuclear ambitions. That question looms larger after Simmons gave Perry another $500,000 this year. Having given him a total of $1,120,000, Simmons now ranks as the governor’s No. 2 individual donor. That sounds like a pile of cash…until you consider the enormity of what Simmons demands in return.

Simmons seeks a permit to dump low-level nuclear waste from all over the nation in West Texas. He effectively completed the political portion of that application when he surpassed the $1 million mark with Texans for Rick Perry. Now Perry’s appointees are fixing to act on Simmons’ demands. Despite what’s at stake, playful politicians have made a game of it. They want everybody to pretend as if Simmons’ application would be treated the same whether or not he submitted it with a $1.1 million check.

“Rumor has it that for TWO million dollars, Perry will let the Taliban have a training camp in Fort Worth,” Juanita smiles.  For four million, he’ll throw the Texas-OU game.”

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The Republicans have a health care plan for America.  Here it is.  But, you don’t have to click the 2-page PDF file because I can reprint it right here.

Eric Cantor has submitted the GOP plan – a 23 line bill to solve all of the health care problems in America.  Here it is:

A BILL
To repeal the job-killing health care law and health care related

provisions in the Health Care and Education

Reconciliation Act of 2010.

Be it enacted by the Senate and House of Representatives of the United States of America in Congress assembled,

SECTION 1. SHORT TITLE.

This Act may be cited as the ‘‘Repealing the Job-Killing Health Care Law Act’’.

SEC. 2. REPEAL OF THE JOB-KILLING HEALTH CARE LAWAND HEALTH CARE-RELATED PROVISIONS IN THE HEALTH CARE AND EDUCATION RECONCILIATION ACT OF 2010.

(a) JOB-KILLING HEALTH CARE LAW.—Effective as of the enactment of Public Law 111–148, such Act is repealed, and the provisions of law amended or repealed by such Act are restored or revived as if such Act had not been enacted.

(b) HEALTH CARE-RELATED PROVISIONS IN THE HEALTH CARE AND EDUCATION RECONCILIATION ACT OF 2010.—Effective as of the enactment of the Health Care and Education Reconciliation Act of 2010 (Public Law 111–152), title I and subtitle B of title II of such Act are repealed, and the provisions of law amended or repealed by such title or subtitle, respectively, are restored or revived as if such title and subtitle had not been enacted.

“That’s it,” Juanita reports.  “That’s the GOP health care plan.  You gotta admit – they put a whole lot of thought into it … for Republicans.”

“The JOB KILLING health care law?  You gotta be kidding me.  Cantor, oh Cantor,” she grins, “you’re just determined to fool the fools, aren’t you?”

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Juanita has heard stories about convicted drug dealers who congtinue to run their drug operation behind bars with the use of a cell phone.

Apparently, John Boehner has heard about this, too. He’s hired practically all of DeLay’s old running buddies.

So, DeLay resigned in disgrace and was convicted on money laundering charges, but the new Republican leadership team has hired DeLay’s old team to help run the chamber. Indeed, the new Speaker’s office will count on DeLay’s former aides to help manage the House floor.

In fairness, it’s worth noting that DeLay’s former team hasn’t been convicted of anything, and it’s a stretch to suggest they should never be allowed to work in politics again.

The point, though, is that the new Republican House operation is starting to look an awful lot like the old Republican House operation. DeLay’s aides will help run the show; corporate lobbyists have been brought on to shape policy; and the K Street project that Boehner swore to leave in the past is looking reconstituted.

So, I suspect Juanita will have one more thing on her list of probation ideas for Tom DeLay.  No phone calls to Washington DeeCee.

“You just gotta ask yourself,” Juanita wonders, “what the hell are they thinking?  If these guys let their last boss get indicted and convicted, what the tarnation will they tell their next boss to do?”

Same old, same old.

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For those of you from foreign states, the race for the house speakership in Texas is becoming a damn goat rodeo.

“The Republicans can elect pretty much whoever they want, but they are arguing worse than schoolyard bullies.  And while it’s reassuring to know that they are spending all their allotment of righteous indignation on each other, it’s becoming an unseemly hatefest,” Juanita explains to Missy Beth.  Missy Beth hasn’t read a newspaper since Elvis died.

“Bob Straus, the current speaker, is a conservative but, according to the rightwing fringe, not conservative enough.  That means he doesn’t hate all the right people.  Plus, he’s Jewish,” Juanita explains, “a fact they continue to point out with code words like ‘Christian values’ and ‘founding principles’.”

“But the dangest thing happened today.  One of Straus’ opponents, Ken Paxton, has been getting endorsements from people who don’t live in Texas, like Mike Huckabee and Dick Armey.  We’ve been joking about waiting on the Chuck Norris endorsement,” she admits.

But this is funnier.

Cowboy Bolton

John Bolton, yes, THAT John Bolton, endorsed him today.

Former United Nations Ambassador John Bolton today endorsed Ken Paxton for Texas House speaker. Bolton, who doesn’t have a say in the matter, said Paxton’s bid to oust incumbent Joe Straus has national implications because of redistricting and border security.

National implications?

“Well then, hell, let’s elect Sarah Palin as speaker of the Texas house!  Good Lord, she can see Russia from her house, while Ken Paxton can only see Oklahoma,” Juanita grins.

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“I dunno,” Juanita said, “I thought Ken Starr was busy being President of Baylor University, but apparently not ….”