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For locals wanting to understand why the Fort Bend Demcoratic Party is opening a large headquarters this weekend and the GOP can’t even update their website since late March, go take a lookie at the map the Texas Tribune has.  Watch Fort Bend County slowly march from 61% Republican in 1998 to 51% Republican in 2008.

The numbers are changing and our GOP is in-fighting so badly that they can’t even decide whether to serve donuts or kolaches at their meetings.

“We have it on good information that some GOP breakaway group is holding an organizing meeting upstairs at Pecan Grove Country Club where they can praise big oil and insurance companies while smoking big cigars and drinking brandy,” Juanita reports.  When we get the handout, we’ll post it on the snack room door.”

And you know she will!

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The nice thing about gun nuts is that they will eventually weed themselves out.

The other nice thing is that they make our idioms so …. well, true.

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Juanita’s friend Alfredo has come across an interesting story that hasn’t made news yet that I know about.

Here’s what Alfredo found, and, Honey, this will warm your heart with memories   —

There’s a pdf that goes with this story to prove the numbers.  It’s right here.

Ah, it seems just like old times, when Karl Rove and Tom DeLay got Texas oil billionaires to finance the hostile takeover of both the federal and Texas state governments. They were so good at it, Karl thought he’d try again.

Karl Rove’s American Crossroads – the 527, not the 501(c)(4) – just filed its June report with the IRS. The 527 reported raising $3.4 million in June. What nobody has reported, however, is that $3.3 million of that came from just three billionaires:

B. Wayne Hughes, CEO of Public Storage – $1.3 million (bringing his year-to-date total contribution to $1.5 million).

Harold Simmons, owner of Southwest Louisiana Land LLC – $1 million.

Robert Rowling, owner of TRT Holdings – $1 million.

Simmons and Rowling are both Texas oil billionaires.

Simmons financed the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth and gave $2.8 million to another front group, the American Issues Project, that ran anti-Obama ads in 2008.

Rowling gave $1 million to still another front group, Progress for America Voters Fund, to support George W. Bush’s re-election in 2004.

Wayne Hughes lives in Malibu and gave $1 million to elect Arnold Schwarzenegger governor of California.

Politico reported earlier this year that the first $1 million contribution to American Crossroads came from another Texas oil billionaire, Trevor Rees-Jones.

So of the total $4.7 million that American Crossroads has raised this year, $4,550,000 came from three Texas oil billionaires and a California horse breeder.

And all that money is being spent on ads attacking Senators Harry Reid (D-NV) and Patty Murray (D-WA) in a desperate attempt by the oil industry to buy back control of the the U.S. Senate.

It’s our country – but thanks to the Supreme Court’s decision in Citizens United, its for sale to the highest bidder.  It seems that oil companies are buying up what bankers and insurance companies couldn’t afford.

Memories, like the corner of my mind, misty water-colored memories of the way we were …….

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As most of you know, Juanita is not scared of no danged hurricane.

Except maybe this one.

In the tradition of “Without Bad Luck, We Wouldn’t Have Any Luck at All,” the National Hurricane Center this morning forecasted a 70% chance that Invest 97, now just south of the Bahamas, would form into a tropical cyclone.  Destination?  The central Gulf.

This sucker appears to be headed straight for Horizon and then greasily sliding on to Houston.  Everybody can just leave their gas tank covers off and get a free fill-up from Mother Nature.

I would personally like to thank BP (aka Coastbusters) for nothing.

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Juanita has nothing against men.  She was raised with only brothers, gave birth only to sons, and was even married to a man.  There have been scant few women in her home life.

“As far as I know, there are  two positions for a toilet seat – up or wet,” she says.

“I have grown accustomed to men.  I understand men more than I want to.  Men are like dogs, but in the cute way.  Sometimes my dog comes up to me and buzzes on my leg.  In dog talk, that’s a sign of affection.  My dog doesn’t mean any harm by it, but dog talk is all he knows or understands.”

“Same deal with men,” she continues.   “They generally don’t mean any harm when they do something crazy.  They’re like my dog in that way.”

“One time I had a worthless ole dog.  He stayed gone all night and wouldn’t come in and keep my feet warm.  He made a mess all over my carpet and left his half gnawed bones scattered all over the house.  He scratched in inappropriate places when my friends came to visit.  He was worthless.  I got rid of that dog and got me a younger cuter one that I could train,” she admits.

“Did the same thing with a husband once.”

“Dogs are fine as long as you never begin to think they are human.  Same deal with men,” she says.

“So, I was disturbed when I read this article on the computer machine concerning what to do about boys who won’t read.  One woman came up with this bright idea ….”

‘Just get ’em reading’
Butts, farts. Whatever, said Amelia Yunker, a children’s librarian in Farmington Hills, Mich. She hosted a grossology party with slime and an armpit noise demonstration. “Just get ’em reading. Worry about what they’re reading later.”

“Okay, this isn’t helping,” Juanita rolls her eyes.

“If we expect this guy to make interesting conversation by the time he can date, I kinda think we should work on something other than bathroom humor.  I do not think we should expect Mandi Lynn, the homecoming queen, to flirt by making poopie jokes.  Mandi Lynn has already read a little Truman Capote while Joe Bob is still on ‘Detective Dan’s Guide to Snot Identification.'”

“We might as well just write off the human race if Joe Bob thinks armpits noises are a mating call.  There will be no more hoochy – koochy.  It’s over.  Personally, I think we’d all be better off if we didn’t expect boys to read at all.  Dogs can’t read and they are good companions.”

“Look, seriously, boys who don’t read are going to end up members of the Tea Party or Fox News watchers.  It’s better that those people do not mate.  But, Honey, nothing would be worse than a Tea Party where telling fart jokes is the main event.  So, let’s dump this idea and come up with another one.  Okay?” she pleads.