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So, I’m in the bookstore today and I see a copy of Sean Hannity’s book, which is amusingly called Conservative Victory, an oxymoron.

So, I asked myself, “How come that boy can’t open his eyes?” in both the literal and figurative sense, you know.

Does closing your eyes make it easier to believe that Obama has a “Radical Agenda?”

Juanita can’t figure it out either.  When I showed her the picture of the book, she said, “Open your damn eyes, Sean.”  She’s said that before.  Many times.  It just never involved pictures before.

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“Women are simply Angels and when someone breaks our wings we simply continue to fly  ……  on a broomstick.

We’re flexible that way.”

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Juanita does not watch Fox News.  Thelma, who is a provisional member of the Belles of Heaven Republican Women’s Club watches it constantly.

“Bless her heart,” Juanita comments, “Thelma thinks Fox is real news.  She also think People Magazine is just like Newsweek except for more pictures of Brad Pitt.”

Thelma came to work today all filled with piazazz from something she saw last night on Sean Hannity’s show.

“Juanita,” Thelma began while defying several laws of physics with all 280 pounds of herself  perched atop stiletto pumps  while stuffed into giraffe print stretch pants and a red silk blouse with a bow bigger than her butt.  Thelma believes in balance.  “Juanita,” she says again because she got distracted by the smell of kolaches the first time, “even you, the liberal, will like this.”

“Sean Hannity, the dreamboat,” she continues with stars in her eyes, “had Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann on his show last night and  …”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, Thelma, pull in on them reins, Hon,” Juanita warned.  “Unless you’re gonna tell me there was lesbian bondage involved, I’m highly apt not to like this at all.  Don’t say ‘Hannity, Palin, and Bachmann’ and then ‘Juanita will like’ in the same sentence unless there’s an opportunity for extortion.”

“No, now listen up,” Thelma continues, “Sean suggested that 2012 should have a Palin/Bachmann ticket for President …. and wouldn’t that ”

Gagging noises drowned out anything else Thelma had to say.

“But I thought you’d support women, you being a liberal and all,” Thelma stomped, registering 3.6 on the Richter Scale.

“Thelma,” Verdelia jumped in because a fight like this between Thelma and Juanita is gonna end up with a hot curler duel, “you know as well as I do that those two women are about a quart low on estrogen which hardly don’t even qualify them as hooter toters.  Sean just said that because he wanted to see them kiss or something.”

Truth be know, Juanita wasn’t upset about this news.  In fact the more she thinks about it, the more she likes it.

I do, too.

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The good folks over at one of my favorite places to hang out might better get a voodoo doll and some pins because they might have hit the nail on the head.

U.S. forecaster sees increased 2010 hurricane threat

The 2010 Atlantic hurricane season will produce an above-average eight hurricanes, four of them major, posing a heightened threat to the U.S. coastline, the Colorado State University hurricane forecasting team predicted on Wednesday.

In its second forecast in four months for the 2010 season, the leading storm research team founded by hurricane forecast pioneer William Gray said the six-month season beginning on June 1 would likely see 15 named tropical storms.

Juanita has a theory that we are way too nice to hurricanes.

“We give them nice names like Carla or Katrina or Ida.  That’s obviously not working.  We can’t name them after awful people like  Jerry Falwell or Sarah Palin or Liz Cheney because the last damn thing a hurricane needs is more hot air,” she admits.

“However, if someone would announce that Liz Cheney is coming to town and she’s packing 150 mile per hour winds and lotsa tornadoes and three-fourths of the Gulf of Mexico, people would most assuredly believe it and leave town.  They are not likely to believe that about something named Bonnie or Colin.  Everybody knows that Bonnie is all talk and no action and Colin?  Colin?  Colin is a wimp.  You know that.”

“I think we should quit calling them hurricanes and start calling them Pissed-Off Backhoes With Teeth.  That’ll make people move.”

She’s right, you know.

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Living in Texas, Juanita knows all about Big Butter and Eggs Men.

“Lotsa fellas made heaps of money during the oil boom.  The  term McMansion became popular around here because the oil boys were building mansions so fast that they begin to look like cookie cutters,” she explains.

“But there’s a whole new breed Butter and Eggs men who did not make their money through hard work.  They made it off your backs,” she points at a picture on the wall of the goofy Teabaggers.  Okay, so it’s not a picture – it’s a dart board.  But, it kinda looks like a picture.

“One such man is Paul Zabczuk,” she begins.

Former UBS AG client Paul Zabczuk was charged by U.S. prosecutors with filing a false tax return in 2004 that failed to report income he earned on his Swiss bank account.

The resident of The Woodlands, Texas, was charged today in federal court in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. He faces as long as three years in prison, according to court records. Zabczuk has entered a plea agreement with prosecutors and is scheduled to change his plea on April 13, court records show.

“And with all that money he saved in taxes,” Juanita rolls her eyes, “he used to buy a home right here in Texas up the road toward Dallas.  He was so proud of it that he gave a testimonial.”

“Now, I don’t have a picture of his house,” she admits, “but I do have some examples from his builder.  His builder appears to be the McMansion King.”

“And what does this have to do with the Teabaggers?  Well, Honey, Zabczuk is just the kind of guy the Teabaggers want to protect from higher taxes.  And he thanks them by not paying taxes at all.  I hope he invites them to spend the night in his McMansion while he’s in prison.  But, I doubt it.”