It’s April 10, 2018, and I still stand by this and still think it’s funny. This woman was a menace to the Democratic Party.
Also, a woman named Yvonne Sanchez is stalking me. It’s creepy, mainly because she’s never met me.
Enjoy and look around the website. It’s pretty funny.
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I think we’ve told you about Elaine Bishop, our local Democratic Party Chair.
“I’m not saying she is lazy,” Juanita begins, “but there is absolutely no danger of her ever drowning in her own sweat. She has held one meeting in the past 4 months, hasn’t recruited any candidates, hasn’t put out one yardsign, doesn’t turn in forms to the State Party, and won’t lifted a finger to raise any money, that we know of. I say ‘that we know of’ because there hasn’t been a treasurer’s report in two years.”
“She spent the Presidential election keeping her hands warm by sitting on them. She didn’t do diddle squat except allow the Obama team to open a “headquarters” in her neighborhood to phonebank out of state for Obama with people’s personal cell phones. Whoop-te-unblue-do,” Juanita says. Sarcasm is just another of the friendly free services offered at The World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc.
Elaine has never raised a dime for any Democratic candidate.
So imagine everyone’s shock when Elaine shows up at an event with her own pushcard.
“Satan Himself wrote the backside of this pushcard. I know that’s true because no living person could lie that much without the card self-combusting,” Juanita remind us that there’s science involved in these kinds of thing.
See that thing where she says she recruited and supported viable candidates? Pants on fire. “I’ll pay her $100 cash American money for each one she can name,” Juanita promises.
See the thing that says “Increased Leadership Roles of Democrats in Early Election – Election Day and on Election Boards Promoting Democratic Inclusion in Electoral Process”? Now, that’s making up stuff. That makes no sense at all. “I’ve read it out loud to five people and none of them can figure diddle-squat out of that,” Juanita grins. “That’s not writing; that’s typing.”
We only have one county election board and one Democrat on that board – her – same as always. And, her goal seems to be keeping Republicans happy.
“But, the fun doesn’t stop there,” Juanita promises while gearing up for some pure delight. “See there where she takes credit an increase in voter registration? Aw, no siree, that didn’t have nothing at all to do with Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton. No, Elaine did that all on her own without ever getting out of her Lazy Boy recliner. It was magic!”
“See where she takes credit for record participation in the Precinct and Senator conventions? I wonder if she’s also taking credit for record participation all over Texas? Think about it, through the sheer power of her will, people in Dallas went to conventions!”
And the rest of it is hogwash, too.
So, we figured we’d come up with a list of other things that Elaine Bishop has done as Democratic Party Chair that she can include on her next pushcard:
1. No terrorist attacks on US soil during her term of office.
2. That pimple you didn’t get? Thank Elaine Bishop.
3. Michelle Obama being on the Best Dressed list? Tips from Elaine, of course.
4. She led that whole Geo-political Unification of the Hegemonic Unrestrained Momentum Toward Economic Retitheization Multi-economic Trilateral Process thingy.
5. She does, however, accept full responsibility for not keeping Tiger Woods on the path of righteousness.
6. She oversaw the opening Olympic ceremony.
7. Successful space shuttle launch did, after all, happen under her watch.
8. Did the sun rise this morning or did it not?
9. Republican dominance in this county? Absolutely NOTHING To Do With Elaine Bishop. Nothing.
10. Windows 7 – her idea.
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That’s Susan. And that’s Ronnie Earle, the man who had the guts to take on Tom DeLay when nobody else did.
